Under My Boss’ Table

But this was for now. I thought a lot. Could I be in danger? But what could a pregnant woman do to me? Was she really guilty of Lisa’s tragedy? Was there a Lisa at all?…

I remembered that there was a file in our office. What if there was something there? I ran there.

I spent at least an hour in a dusty room and my search was crowned with success. I was holding in my hands a file with a list of employees with photographs from five years ago and I looked at the beautiful woman.

Something even jumped inside me. Jealousy, envy, it was difficult to say… But this woman was not only a standard beauty, perhaps, more beautiful than her I have not seen anyone in my life…

Furthermore, she radiated not only external beauty, but also internal. Her sweet smile reassured me in a strange way. I averted my gaze a little lower and read: ‘Lisitsyna Elizaveta Mikhailovna’.

I sighed and decided there was no point checking the information about the accident just yet. Alexandra had no reason to lie to me.

So Edward was lying to me. He wasn’t always faithful to his wife.

I don’t remember how I got home. How I went to sleep.

I wanted to sink into the ground. My head buzzed with an overabundance of thoughts. I felt that with each second the rhythm of my heart became slower and slower, as if life was leaving my emaciated body, releasing every cell of it.

I don’t even remember how I woke up in the morning and went to work… It was as if someone was directing me, I did everything automatically, without thinking. My brain was overwhelmed.

There, Edward immediately called me to his place. I obeyed. I also had something to say to him. My mind seemed to tell me that this man was dangerous and was not posing as whoever he wanted to appear. But my heart bled at the mere thought that I could doubt him. I didn’t even think about what it would be like to completely dissolve into a person, to feel all of his feelings and experiences. Edward was precisely the being that completely absorbed me. For the sake of this man, I became a completely different person, because before I did not realize at all that love is not just an invention of the classics of literary genres.

“Let’s start with the standard reminder that my wife is most important to me.” He began to scold me in a colorless voice. “And therefore I forbid you to contact her in any way. There should be no contact.”

I winced at his tone.

“First of all, I did not forget, thank you for constantly reminding me. Second, it was herself…”

“Didn’t you hear?” Edward cut me off rudely. “I forbid you to contact her. She is a dear person to me and no woman can replace her.”

“Even Lisa?” I snapped inappropriately and immediately regretted it. Why did I say that? Why?! In fact, my tongue was my enemy…

Edward’s face began to change very quickly. First fear appeared, then his face went pale, then turned to stone, then Edward smiled and squawked somehow absurdly:

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing.” I said faster than necessary.

“Elvira, don’t play with fire.”

I mumbled something vague.

“I think I’ll have to stop having sex with you.” Edward continued. His words surprised me greatly.

“How long?…”

“I don’t know. Maybe forever.” He shrugged. My heart seemed to stop beating.

“But how…?” I gasped for air like a fish thrown ashore.

“So it is. Basically, I’m already bored with you. I suggest you forget everything that happened. Had fun and that’s enough. You can go.”

I got up. I thought my legs wouldn’t support me, but I was able to stand up. I looked at Edward wildly and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did he just break up with me?!

I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to continue living without him, without his lips, without his body… Instinctively I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, which had already become so dear… I began to convulsively unbutton his pants, wanting stronger than ever to make him feel good…

At first Edward didn’t respond, then he pushed me away. His face was a little upset.

“If I said that I am not interested, then I am not. Do not bother me. Crazy…”

He began to straighten his pants. I stood there shaking superficially and feeling that he was on the verge of hysteria. Edward noticed this and said with annoyance:

“But I already had enough tears! Go away!!!”

His scream made me serious. The shaking stopped immediately. I straightened my back, turned around and left the office, slamming the door shut.

I drank quite a bit that night. I really wanted the alcohol to at least drown out my pain a bit, but for some reason it got even worse. I didn’t let go of the unpleasant feeling that some kind of storm was starting to form around me.

I went back to my memories.

It all started so promising…

And so it passed wonderfully in Saint Petersburg. I really thought that Edward was on my web, but oh and oh.

I was drunk enough not to think. After sorting out the phone book somehow, I found Edward’s contact and called him. Fortunately, the subscriber was not available, otherwise I would have remembered with great shame this failed work of drunkenness.

“Yes, for what.” I was outraged and threw the phone against the wall.

I think I did it in vain… but then I didn’t give a damn. I cried sobbing and couldn’t understand in any way how I managed to fall so desperately in love with a person who wasn’t interested in me at all. How could I let him use me like this? What was he waiting for?

How was it possible that I fell madly in love with such an insensitive and cruel egotist? And I swore that I was willing to give myself completely to the corridors of this suffering. After all, what was life, really, if not a huge series of painful collisions? We all needed this. At that moment it seemed to me that I was ready for him, in fire or in water. Ready to live with pain. Live in pain. Love him until the last breath…

But he was not with me at the time. And this thought was slowly killing me from within. It seemed that each breath was given with great difficulty.

For a long time I called myself a fool out loud, until I fell asleep with a dead dream.

The next morning, or rather the next day, because I had slept for a long time, I discovered that the phone had broken. Well, that was even better for me.

The weekend passed slowly, unhurriedly, like jelly. I watched programs, news, series, of course, without delving into them. I didn’t eat anything, the sight of food made me sick. Hangover or stress: the devil knew.

On Monday I absentmindedly walked into the office. When I found out that Edward had gone abroad with his wife on a two week vacation, for some reason I felt a lot better. Although, apparently, I should have been jealous.

But inside me, nothing shook. There was a huge hole.

“Elvira, hello! You don’t have a good face.” Alexandra said worriedly. “And I wanted so much to congratulate you…”

“Congratulations?” I tried to show interest on my face, but judging by Alexandra’s look, I did it with difficulty. She stared at me and seemed to be wondering whether to say anything or not. Finally she said:

“You’re assuming a new position today. Moving up…”

“Oh, that.” I greeted indifferently, unable to portray a victorious look.

For some reason, the very idea of a promotion didn’t thrill me at all. The thrill was broken, as if I was crumpled and thrown away like an unnecessary candy wrapper. But something else was strange: I quickly pulled myself together, sat quietly, studied the job description, and came to the conclusion that everything would be within reach.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

Even though I had to start working on the project without Edward, I wasn’t afraid of anything. Not one bit. Because inside nothing was shaking.

Perhaps the reason was that there was no object nearby that caused so much suffering, which was the price of what I had right then. And so I was given a great opportunity to show that I could get by without his support, help and ‘buying’ a high position, not with any of my fragments of body and soul, but with my own efforts.