One Night Only

No, I don’t think so, he must have made a mistake in his analysis. Maybe he’s playing a joke on me. Yes, maybe that’s it and I have joined alliances with this man who is trying to be my father in order to make fun of me.

My eyes are open from the impression. I can’t say anything more. I shake my head. This can’t be possible.

“There must be some misunderstanding. I don’t think she has an active sex life” Lionel says restless and somewhat upset.

“No, sir, there is no misunderstanding, the pregnancy tests came back positive, and the percentage of a blood test to fail is very low.

So it’s true, I’m pregnant, but what about the pills I took? They didn’t work or maybe I took them too late.

“I don’t understand why,” I answer vaguely.

“If you have unprotected intercourse, that makes the cause” adds the nurse.

Do you think I don’t know that or what? Do you think I’m stupid?

“I know that very well” I grumble. What I’m trying to say is that I took the pink pill, the one for the next day.Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.

“Maybe it didn’t help him if he let more than twenty” four hours go by or went back to having sex, since that pill only works once – concludes the doctor.

Confirmed, I’m pregnant, the pill didn’t work. The first time we did it it was already past twenty-four hours when I took it, and that means I got pregnant when I gave up my virginity. It can’t be that I was so stupid and let her get me pregnant. I should have required her to put on a condom. Damn, what do I do now? I don’t know anything about Dante. How do I tell him I’m expecting his child? I don’t know if I can carry a baby by myself. I’m scared, I’m not ready for this. I have a lot of plans, goals, and a pregnancy makes things more difficult for me.

Lionel doesn’t say anything. It looks annoying, but I really don’t care. If he’s disappointed in me, that’s what interests me the least. This can help you not to insist anymore.

Later the doctor prescribes me some vitamins and I don’t know what other things I need to ingest during pregnancy. She also advises me to make an appointment as soon as possible with a gynecologist so that he can do an ultrasound and tell me if the baby is coming and so they can confirm how many weeks I am pregnant. Supposedly he calculated four, almost to enter already at five. This is all confusing to me. I still don’t know what I’m going to do, if I should wait for Dante to tell him or if it’s better to go to Germany once and for all, even if I hate Monsieur Lionel and I’m still angry with my mother. How will I tell my mother that I am pregnant? Alexa will reprimand me for doing the same thing she did. She will be disappointed with me, when she believed in me thinking that I would finish my career without any problems and then I would manage to get married well. I feel disappointed in myself too. Only I am guilty of this. I shouldn’t have given in to that temptation and let myself be led by that damn devil. I hate having met him. He left nothing good in me. I don’t think I’ll ever have this baby. I don’t want anything to join him. For him I was just a whim that he fulfilled and then he rejected me, leaving me desolate and now pregnant. I want to hate him and not miss him. I want to forget it. But with a child of his it wilfuck much more difficult to do it. I need to think things through. And even if I’m upset with my mom for keeping things from me, I’ll have to tell her about the pregnancy. I don’t like keeping secrets with her.

Hours later, I find myself reunited with my family, my mother and my sister.

“What is that so important that you have to tell us?” Alex asks as he enters and takes a seat next to my mother.

I didn’t realize it, but Lionel was coming up behind her. Why did you come here? I told him I just wanted to talk to my family.

I don’t say anything to him, I just look at him badly, but he tries to show me a smile. Will he not judge me?

“Daughter, is it about what you heard at the door?” question my mother. Of course, she was aware of that too.

“I’m not interested in talking about that. “I see concern on his face, but he doesn’t say anything and just nods”. What I have to tell you is another matter.

“I don’t understand. What does that mean Mom asked?” Alexa asks.

I take a deep breath.

“Alex, I’ll explain later. “She frowns, but I convince her of it, since she doesn’t ask anymore. “What I have to tell you now is something more important. I’m… pregnant. “I let go of him all at once, unconcerned.

And it’s not that I don’t worry, on the contrary, I’m dying of fear because of what I’m about to face in my life. I just wanted to be direct and precise.

Their faces are in awe, their eyes are almost out of their sockets and their mouths are open from the impact. They don’t say anything, so I have to continue while they process the news.

“If you are wondering since when I know, I tell you that I just found out about four hours ago, more or less. I had refused to believe that this was true and that this was happening to me, but that happens to me because I am trusting and gullible. When I found out about it, I still did not process that matter, I doubted whether I should have it or not.

My mother interrupts me.

“But what are you saying?! “Raise your voice. I understand that you are afraid, that you never believed that this would happen to you, but that you would stop the life of your own son… You can’t make him understand, support you and be in favor” he chides me without stopping looking at me”. When your sister got pregnant with Sandy, I told her the same thing too. I felt overwhelmed when she told me, but I never said anything to her or judged her, much less supported her in an abortion. I knew that she could get by without the help of her daughter’s father and that she would always have my support. “He pauses and sighs”. I’m saying the same to you. I know it’s your body, your baby, and you can decide for it, but I can’t support you with that. That little one you’re carrying in your belly is my grandson. I don’t want you to think I’m disappointed in you. I’ve never been in a day of my life. You are my pride, my light, my strength, and everything you do or don’t do matters to me because I love you, and everything that comes with you I want too.

His words make me shed tears, which look like a river. I am very sensitive or maybe it touched me very deeply to the heart. They are sincere, and this confirms to me that she has not stopped being that good woman and mother. If he made the decision to hide my birth from me and who my real father really is, he must have had his reasons. She can’t help but be the exceptional woman she is to me. I need to hear the whole truth from his mouth, but that will be later, when I feel ready to hear it. At the moment, I just have to cope with my pregnancy.

“And who the fuck got you pregnant? “Lionel finally speaks, but only for furious questioning.

“It’s none of your business,” I reply.

Maybe I’m being really rude to him, but it’s really none of his business. After twenty years he comes to want to control my life and to worry about me. What an irony.

“Lillie! “my mother scolds me.

Alex just looks at us passing his eyes from one side to the other.

“It’s just the truth, you don’t have to get involved. He’s nobody to me.

My mother is about to say something, but he interrupts her.

“Whether you like it or not, I’ll know. If you don’t tell me, I’ll find out for myself. “Ignore my rudeness to continue in the same”. That bastard will pay for getting you pregnant and then leave so he won’t take responsibility.

“You don’t know anything. Maybe it was me who left him. “I don’t want you to look for him. I don’t want this to get any more complicated”. At the end of the day, I have made a decision.

My mother looks worried as she shakes her head. A few tears come out of her eyes. But the one talking is my sister.

“Lillie, don’t let it be that, please. You know how difficult it is to get ahead with a baby in your arms, you’ve seen it with me, but even so I never let myself be defeated and you were my support. I offer you the same. You cannot and should not get rid of that beautiful gift that life has given you, not you, please. You’ll regret it later if you do, and it would be devastating for you.

Those words remind me when Mika said it, but she was referring to Dante, making me understand her. My heart aches for his abandonment, but it hurts even more to leave me shattered if I abort, if I abandon my child. How would you feel if I abandoned him by giving him up for adoption? I am not cruel to do that, nor do I have the strength to do it, but to endure such a life I do not know if I will succeed. I don’t think so. Or maybe just time will help me and make me see things differently.