One Night Only

Time after

Lillie

It’s been a month since I found out I’m pregnant. For my family it was something unexpected, leaving them very surprised, but in the end they made me feel their support. They told me that I will never be alone. I appreciate their support and everything they have done for me. Without them I would feel miserable and disoriented. This month has helped me to think about things better, and now that we are already living in Germany, things are getting better little by little. They have become a little easier compared to when the four of us lived alone.

Alex stopped working to only dedicate his time to my dear niece and resumed his law studies. I’m really happy for her. Sandy is happy because she has a room to herself, which is pink, but what she liked the most is that she entered a private school. It is one of the most prestigious schools in the world. But the best thing of all is that he smiles more now because he spends the most time with his mother. It’s what they needed. My mother is still at the clinic, where Lionel admitted her from the first day we arrived.

We barely go for two weeks in this place, but still in such a short time our lives have changed. Mom is doing well on her chemotherapies. If it continues like this, soon, like in a few more months, they will be able to rule out the tumor. The advantage there is that it is not very large and has not expanded. I haven’t had any closeness with Lionel. When he tries to talk to me, make a conversation, I ignore him and walk away.

He asked me to listen to it, but the truth is I still don’t have the courage to do it. Maybe when my mom is recovered she can try to listen to them. At the moment I am not sure if I will do it. He spends most of his time with Mom. That on the one hand speaks well of him; it means that he wants to mend the damage he did to her and take care of her. And as for me, my life, it’s just me and this troublemaker. I’ve called him that because lately he just makes me spend it in the bathroom returning what I eat. It’s a torture not to enjoy food well because it occurs to my troublemaker to make his own. Who knows how my life will go with a baby in my arms and without his father, but I know that I am not the only or the last woman in the world who goes through this. I must be strong for both of us.

I never heard from the father of my baby again. The phone he had given me I threw it in the trash after I checked that those phone lines no longer existed. I do not know if they had changed the device so that it no longer communicated to me or what. I can believe a lot of bad things about him, but the truth is I’m not interested in thinking about him anymore, I don’t want to do it anymore, I just hurt myself. I don’t just have to think about myself anymore, now I have another life inside me, and he or she can affect my mood. The doctor who treated me in New York told me that, and about my anemia more. I have to take care of myself twice as much if I want a normal and uncomplicated pregnancy.

As he also recommended that I look for a gynecologist, here I am today. I am sitting in the waiting room of a gynecologist’s office, the one who will take care of the process and care of my pregnancy. I understand she’s an acquaintance of Lionel’s. He made the appointment. Even though he got angry because of the abandonment of the father of my son, he has been on the lookout for me. I don’t know what to think about it. I don’t know if he’s doing it to make me forgive him or really because he cares about me, as he said. Alexa took the morning off to join me.

I told her it wasn’t necessary, but she wouldn’t let me come alone. He told me that it is a very beautiful thing to see the love of your life for the first time. He means the baby. “It’s like a date”” he said. It’s something inexplicable. She doesn’t want me to feel alone. He wants to hold my hand while I enjoy that moment, which will be unforgettable. I really would have liked to live it with Dante, but for obvious reasons it will never happen. He won’t be at his birth either, and thinking about all that hurts me, but I don’t let myself fall. I will not continue to suffer for him. I will pretend as if I had never met him, and although I have a little person growing up in my belly reminding me that he existed at some point in my life, I will strive to forget him and focus only on my life, on my son.

A nurse comes out the door of the gynecologist’s office and calls me. I put aside my thoughts and get to my feet along with Alexa to follow the girl into the room. As soon as we entered, the doctor greeted us with a cordial greeting.

“Good morning. Have a seat, please.

We took a seat in front of his desk. My hands are starting to sweat. I’m nervous, I don’t know why.

“Calm down, I’m with you” Alexa whispers when she sees my restless hands. He takes them and smiles at me.

“Now I will ask you a few simple questions” says the gynecologist. First, when was the last date of your menstrual period?

“More than forty days ago, which is the last month.

She nods as she types something on her laptop.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.

“Okay. The next question is “he pauses “: when was the last time you had sex?

I blush. What a shame to tell that to a stranger, I haven’t even told Alexa.

“About a month. I think so. “I hesitate. I feel a little sorry for him.

She just keeps writing. After that he asks me if I take vitamins. I told him what the previous doctor prescribed.

After his interrogation he asked me to go behind a curtain and put on a robe. I heeded his request by heading there. After I finish putting on my robe I go out. The gynecologist asks me to lie on a bed that is narrow and long. I follow everything he asks and I wait.

“For the time you tell me that you have your menstrual delay and the conception period instead of having a normal ultrasound I will perform a transvaginal one. “I understand about transvaginal, but since I don’t know much about it I don’t understand why she can’t do a normal one”. Here’s why. “It looks like he read my mind. You see, the time you have been pregnant is very little, and with a common ultrasound the fetus would not be appreciated and we would not be able to know if it is well and how many weeks you are more or less. The transvaginal ultrasound doesn’t tell us the exact period, it just brings us closer to something, and it doesn’t give us the due date either, but it helps us to know how it’s going. That is why it is recommended that every month the mother visits the gynecologist to follow her pregnancy with ultrasound. Now I’m just asking you to relax.

It’s all a lot of muddle. I know very well that medicine is, but apparently this is much more so. This is not my specialty, but I know something more or less.

I don’t say anything and I just nod to let him understand that I understand and to continue with his work. Minutes later, I feel that device enter me. It feels cold and uncomfortable to feel it, but I focus and relax as she asked. He points to a screen for me to turn my head and see it. It is located almost next to the bed. My sister comes over to get on the opposite side and holds my hand. The gynecologist begins to move that cold instrument inside me. Nothing is displayed on the screen, just a dark tone. Why can’t it be seen?

“There’s nothing there” I say anxiously.

“Don’t worry, we’ll see in a moment. Look, here it is” he points with his finger at the screen” or rather there they are. “How? That can’t be true”. Congratulations, you will be a mother of twins.

“W-What? Is there two of them?” I’m surprised by the news. I wasn’t expecting this.

“That’s right. This confirms it” he points to the monitor again. Here’s one and here’s the other. And the best thing about it is that everything is going well at the moment.

They are not appreciated very well, they are almost a few dots, but it still makes me nostalgic. I’m starting to cry. I don’t know if it’s out of joy to find out that there will be two of them and to see them or because I feel afraid of not being so good for them, of failing as a mother, of not knowing how to take care of them. It’s a lot of things.

Alexa squeezes my hand and gives me a calm smile, as if to say “Everything will be fine”.

In short, they will come to change my whole life, they will be my reason to follow, and the best thing is that it will be double. Making the decision to have them didn’t take me long. After seeing them and knowing that they will be twins, I don’t regret choosing them.

Time may pass, days, weeks and years, but I will never be able to forget him no matter how hard I try as I had set out to do. It’s hard to face this without him. I don’t know why I’m still tormented if he hasn’t looked for me all this season. That means that he never cared about me the way I wanted, much less would he care about these little guys who are growing bigger every day.

The days go by and my nausea increases more. Now I understand why. It’s two against mom. Before they are born, these imps will finish me off. I smile when I think about them. They are like a cure, an antidote for my ills. They are my hope and my future. Just them.

My goal is to continue with my studies, finish and get a good job to give them a life as they deserve it. I don’t want them to miss anything. Even if I have the support of my family and now Lionel’s, I don’t want them to carry my responsibilities, with my little ones. That’s just my duty. It’s just going to be me and them against the world. This is how it will be forever.