I Am The Luna

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I walk over to the bathroom door, watching as she washes her face with soap and water frantically, even going as far as to gargle.

I turn away, feeling worse than I have in years.

What was I expecting? I don’t have much to offer. I’m a man without an education, a man on the run… a man working in a garage and at a construction company. She’s a doctor, she comes from a powerful pack, powerful friends and family…

We were always two separate sides of a coin…

Somehow it’s worse than when I was told my parents didn’t want me….

She rushes past me and pauses at the patio door. She glances back at me, and all I can see on her face is guilt.

“This never should have happened.” Her voice is shaky as she runs her fingers through her half–wet hair.

“No, it shouldn’t have. You wouldn’t want anyone to know you had your tongue down a killer’s mouth now, would you?” I say emotionlessly, despite the storm within. “The Toussaint Princess is waiting. Go.”

“I didn’t mean…” she trails off as I walk over to the door placing my fingertips above her breasts and push her out lightly, she still stumbles not expecting that, but I stop myself from reaching out to her and instead shut the door and draw the

curtains.

I turn away, angry at myself.

What was I thinking? That she would somehow just accept me?

I grab a can of beer and open it, gulping it down.

“Zaia! Oh my god, you’re here! How?” Valerie’s voice reaches me as I drop onto the sofa, an uncomfortable weight in my chest.

“I had to come. You’ve worried me, Val.”

There’s silence for a moment before they begin talking and I know I shouldn’t listen, but I can’t help it. How is she able to pretend what happened never happened?

Because it didn’t mean anything to her.

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What does it even mean to me?

I’ve never had anything in life to call mine, even the power I have been given was

for the use of others…

I place the empty can down, not wanting to disturb her, although the temptation

to smash everything in the room is real. I stand up and take out another can from the fridge and gulp it down.

It was a kiss or two, nothing more…

“Oh, my… who is this from?” Zaia laughs teasingly.

“No one! Zaia. Why would it be from anyone?”

“Because there’s a note and a tasty meal. Aww so cute! I have read many notes, and this one seems like it’s written by a handsome man.” She chuckles.

“Well, he’s nothing special, he’s just one of the few colleagues I met at the hospital. They’re really nice,” Valerie replies dismissively.

Nothing special.

I grab the few bottles I have in the fridge, but this is not going to be enough. I bite. the cap off one, downing it, letting the liquid burn my throat, but it does nothing.

“So, tell me about this ‘no one special‘.” Zaia insists and Valerie laughs.

“Zaia stop! Like I said, it’s just someone I know. Come on, tell me how are the kiddies? You should have brought them along…”

Standing up, I grab my jacket and keys. I can’t stay here and listen to any more of this. Not when the rock on my chest is suffocating me. I’m pulling on my boots when I hear the last thing I needed to hear.

“So… are you really telling me there’s no one around here that you’re into?” Zaia sounds almost disappointed.

“Please, come on, there’s no one around here worth mentioning, ok. Trust me, would I lie to you?”

Only I was the idiot to keep starving myself back then, in the hopes of catching a glimpse of her… the pain and suffering felt worth it… now? Now I feel like an idiot. and I’m ready to vent.

My eyes blaze as I leave the apartment, slamming the door behind me as I walk down the hall, zipping my jacket up.

I’m Zade, I’m no fucking saint, but I’m not going to let a princess walk all over

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1. me.

I get on my bike, revving the engine before I zoom off into the night, refusing to slow down as I keep going faster… wishing that the thoughts in my head could be left behind…

The image of her washing her face and rinsing her mouth out hit the hardest.

Even if I had a feeling she was using me, it still stung.

Everything is a blur as I keep going, the smell of burning rubber strong in my nose, but I don’t stop…

Instead, I keep going faster with no destination in mind.

Where does a person like me go, anyway?

In the end, I have nothing.

Moonlight Muse

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