Zero and Beauty's Breath (A Satan Sniper's Motorcycle Club Series Book 3 - 4)

Chapter 70 (Beauty's Breath) (Zero)

A haunted man with a cursed soul is worse than a man with a dead one.

I recall that saying, remember it written in permanent marker on a train station wall.

It was the first and only time I ever ran away from home. I was thirteen, and my dad and Thorn got into

a fight that turned bad for the both of them.

I tried to stop it. Thorn’s fist got in the way of that.

Not sure why I ran away up until this day.

But that darn saying, can’t get it out of my mind.

My brother is a cursed soul, Beauty warned me. The signs, everything about this warned me.

I WARNED MYSELF.

I chose to ignore it.

He's my brother.

My brother, the one responsible for the death of my baby. NO, NO.

He went after my pregnant woman, knowing that was my unborn kid in her stomach.

I was so worried about Beauty killing him that I forgot she was the one with a bounty on her head.

I judged her for wanting to kill my brother, watched her so closely that I forgot that I should be

protecting her.

She was the one getting hunted.

"How the fuck did I not see it," I scream as I am pushed to the side of the hospitals wall.

Bull has his big body close to mine, blocking me from prying eyes. Brother is all up in my face.

But fuck it, shit luck, nothing. I can’t live with this pain.

There is this black thick shadow that is sitting inside my chest right now.

"He's your brother man, you’d be just as fucked up if you did," Bull says trying to subdue me.

Funny thing about that is I don’t think anybody is going to get me to cool the fuck down.

The hospital was seconds from knocking me the fuck out.

The waiting room was a fuck show, the women crying and swearing. While the club brothers plotting,

planning because that is all they know.

And there I was, just sitting and waiting for the doctor to give me some sign of anything.

I didn’t like what I was seeing when they rushed my woman away so fast.

The nurses shouting as the doctors were all fiddling with, talking so fast, demanding they get an IV line,

and some CT scans. I’m sure I heard one of them say the baby is in distress.

I have never felt fucking helpless in my life besides right now. For all my badges, for all those fucking

missions, and for everything that makes me Zero, means fuck all in the grand scheme of life.

Killer didn’t feel the same, he was hopeful in his own detached way. He mentioned a week back that his

mama will be glad when he told her he was going to be a godfather.

Guess that is why he is in the room with Beauty. Why she only wants to see him. Maybe I didn’t tell her

enough that I was fucking thrilled I was going to be a dad.

I definitely shouldn’t have forgotten that she had an enemy because I loved her enemy.

But all that regret means nothing right now.

I took an oath to protect and serve my country until the day I can’t. When I was just a boy I took another

oath to love, serve, protect, guide and enforce the law as a Satan Sniper until the day I die. And the

day I was born as Thorns brother was the day I swore to break any oath, all promises and forgive all

his mistakes for now and forever, no matter what.

I have failed a lot in my life and I have always considered myself an honourable man. Today I don’t. My

brother made a mistake I can’t forgive.

I will have to enforce the law.

But how do I kill my own brother?

The sad thing is as I stand here knowing that my woman is experiencing the same horror she has lived

before while another man holds her hand, I can’t kill my brother.

He saved my life more times than I can count.

He is my father’s eldest son and my only blood brother.

How do I kill my own brother?

How can I enforce the law that I have sworn to abide by without him dying? I can’t.

"She's going to lose the baby because of me," I say to Bull, voicing out the obvious.

My mother was a fucking piece of work on a good day, but for all her shit she never missed Sunday

Church.

I asked her one day why she always went if she just came home and partied.

She said, sometimes it is good to confess to flesh and bones than a spirit, and shrinks cost money. I

think that was the only good thing she really taught me and I never used it.

Right now, at this hospital under the Texas sky, I feel like confessing to flesh and bone.

"It’s all on Thorn not you man."

"Yeah but he is my brother. I knew something was up when I spoke to him.”

“Zero, don't be hard on yourself. We all fuck up, a time or few. Old man Toad did it double or nothing.

But fucker is still breathing, he keeps going. Right now your woman needs you to just calm the fuck

down and lie. Brother, I don’t know the shit in your head but I know that up there. That I know.” He

points to the window of Beauty’s room.

I shake my head, thinking about my dad, “My old man never does anything half assed. He wouldn’t be

Old man Toad if he slacked.”

“Nah man, and you wouldn’t be Zero if you lost your shit when that woman needed you.”

Bull releases his hold on me and takes a step back as my shoulders drop.

“My baby is in Beauty’s stomach fighting for his life that I am supposed to be fighting for. How the fuck

am I supposed to be ok with that? My brother is the one who did it. I can’t right now, I can’t look her in

the eyes. How do I look at the woman I love and tell her I failed. I’m just a man Bull.”

“Zero,” Bull warns but I look at him as I freeze everything in me, as I become the machine the All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

government trained. Because right now I can’t deal.

“Her and I should never have happened. She is right, we were doomed. I should have walked away

and never looked back.”

Bull’s face hardens, he knows that this conversation is useless. My mind is already set in stone and

sealed.

“You’re not thinking clearly, you need to stay and deal.”

I spread my arms out, look at the bulk of a brother and I think of the words I told Beauty not too long

ago.

“It’s another day’s problem.”

Only this time when I say it, it is not to lure my woman closer to me, but to avoid her. Because I am a

coward.

“I am not telling you to be okay with it. I'm just letting you know, whatever you do now, I got your back.”

My response is a sharp nod. The road captain heads back inside leaving me to my thoughts.

My mother was right, it is better to confess to flesh and bone, than a spirit.

What did I do to deserve this fuck show?

What did she do?

I look up from my Vantage Point, stare at the window where she lives, breathing right now.

Searching for something, any sign to give me a clue as to what the hell am I going to do.

I wonder what is going through her mind. Will she forgive me?

I hope she can because I can’t forgive myself.

I did not protect her.

I failed as a father, failed as her man and I can't promise that I won’t fail again.

Truth is, I am only human.

As much as I want the rain to pour, the sun is bright. My bike jacket feeling heavier by the seconds that

pass.

I stand here on the side of the hospital building looking up at a window hoping my son is safe because

right now that baby is the only thing that can save us and even then, I am not so sure.

I want to kill my brother, I wish I was like Killer and I have no emotion. That even the cold man I was

trained to be could switch off that side that remembered everything that Thorn and I went through

together. But I can’t, nor can I allow him to get away with it.