WOLF LOYALTY

Time to Think

***

Amelia

I’ll call you in a few days. I need time to think.

“Please don’t take too long. I understand you’re freaked out, but Derek is going berserk about this. I’ll try to hold him off for as long as I can.” He sent

Rogers’s words do nothing to reassure me. Hold him off? What, exactly, is Gavin going to do to me? Surely, Rogers wouldn’t let anyone hurt me?

How much power does he have over Derek?

From what I’ve seen so far, Derek does what he wants, and Rogers is expected to follow orders.

I spend the morning alternating between pacing and lying in bed, worries swirling in my mind.

Will the police find the body? What will Derek do me? What do I want to do about Rogers?

He’s… he’s a werewolf. I saw it with my own eyes.

Werewolves aren’t supposed to exist. They do. How does this change things between us?

In desperation, I resort to Google. Unsurprisingly, Google doesn’t have anything to offer that suggests that werewolves are anything more than fiction.

I’m sure if I searched further, I could find some conspiracy theory site that claims they’re real, but that’s not what I’m looking for. I want the truth.

I spend the afternoon reading up on different werewolf myths. It’s frustrating, to say the least. There is conflicting information scattered all over the internet.

The only thing everyone seems to agree on is that werewolves are humans who can turn into wolves, but that hardly helps me.

I know I should call Rogers, but I’m just not ready yet. He’ll give me answers now, I’m sure of it, but I’m no longer sure if I’m ready for those answers.

To avoid facing the inevitable, I download a couple of books about werewolves. They’re fiction, of course, but it seems fiction is my only option if I want to get some potential information.

I find I like the stories, and I get so engrossed that I don’t notice Amanda has come home until she knocks on the door.

I slam my kindle shut, trying not to look too guilty.

Hey. How’s your day been?”

Ok. I’ve been reading, mostly.”

She smiles encouragingly. “That’s good. Listen, I made a few calls. What you went through… I think you need to speak to someone. There’s a doctor nearby who’s supposed to be really good

“No. I don’t need a shrink.

It might help.”

It would absolutely not help. Either I lie, which would give them no chance to help me process what happened, or I tell the truth, and get locked up in a mental hospital.

“I’ll.. I’ll think about it.”

Lie. But it’s the only way Amanda will let this go. Telling her the truth will have her carting me off to the hospital herself.

Days pass in much the same way. I read werewolf fiction, more confused with every sentence. The nightmares start to fade, at least, though I’m still nervous whenever I go to my car.

Rogers gives me space, just as I asked him to. I don’t know whether I’m happy or unhappy about that.

Finally, it becomes more distressing to ignore the situation than it will be to face it.

“I’m ready to talk.” I sent.

“Great! I can come over now?” He replied

“Sure. Amanda’s at work, so we’ll have privacy.” I replied back.

“See you soon.” He replied

I’m a bundle of nerves as I wait for Rogers to arrive. What on earth am I going to say to him?

I go through the motions of making tea. When Rogers arrives, the two of us sit down in awkward silence. I was hoping he’d be the one to speak first, but it quickly becomes apparent that’s not going to happen.

“So… I understand why you didn’t want to tell me.”

Rogers can’t seem to meet my eyes. “I wasn’t sure if I’d hear from you again.”

What do you mean?”ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

I’d hoped we would get more time. I knew you’d find out eventually, but I’ve so enjoyed being friends with you again.”

What?

It takes me a moment to understand what he’s saying. “You don’t think I want to be friends with you anymore?”

I understand. I’m a monster. I’m just glad you agreed to see me again. I promise I’ll stay away from Amanda too.”

I don’t know what Rogers expects me to feel, but what I do feel is anger. More than angry; I’m furious.

What the hell, Rogers!”

His confused expression would be adorable if I wasn’t so mad.

What…!”

“How dare you! I would never, ever leave you because of something like this! Why the hell would you think I would?”

I…

Where did you even get this idiot idea that you’re a monster just because you can turn into a wolf? You’ve been reading too much fiction, Rogers!”

It’s not fiction,” he says fiercely. “I’m dangerous, Lia.”

“Tell me, then. Tell me everything, but don’t expect me to leave when we’re done. Our friendship means more than that to me, Rogers. I hoped it did to you too.”

“It does. I-I risked everything to comfort you, knowing it would reveal my secret. I knew my trust wasn’t misplaced.”

I take a calming breath, reminding myself that Luke is also scared and unsure. “Tell me. Start with why you think you’re a monster.”

Rogers is quiet for a few moments, gathering himself. “I’m sure you’ve figured out by now when I was bitten. It was that night in the Woods.

Who would do something like that to another person?

It wasn’t her fault. You see, werewolves can shift to a wolf at any time, but at full moon, we don’t have a choice; it just happens.

Usually, when we shift, we can control ourselves, like I did when I saved you.”

When we shift to the full moon, we become monsters. We’ll kill anything living that gets in our path. It’s possible to learn to control it, but even then, accidents happen. For new werewolves, we have to be chained up to stop us from hurting anyone.”

Well, that at least explains the chains. I don’t say anything, letting Rogers tell me in his own way.

That night, a new wolf escaped her chains. Her alpha caught up to her in time to stop her from killing me, but not soon enough to stop the bite. I became a werewolf.”

When they explained what would happen to me every full moon, I knew I needed to move away, to protect the people I care about. I joined a pack in another city.

I’m still years away from being able to control myself when I turn. Once a month, I’m a monster who

would kill you without any hesitation.”

I’d be lying if I said that thought doesn’t give me chills. “It’s not you, Rogers.”

“Surely you know that. You would never hurt me if you were in your right mind.” I know.

The silence hangs heavy between us.

“What about Derek?”

He’s the alpha of the pack here, the one I joined when I came back. Alphas have the ability to cause pain mentally, to control their pack members if necessary, but they seldom use it.”

“I can’t believe he’d do that to you.”

“Don’t be too hard on him. He’s trying to protect all of us – you included. In the first five years, uncontrolled shifting sometimes happens when you’re angry or upset.

It’s not the same as the full moon shifting – you’re not a fully-fledged monster – but you don’t have complete control of yourself either.

“People have gotten hurt in the past.”

“Will Derek be angry you’re telling me all of this?

“Not for this, no. At this point, there’s no reason to hide anything from you. He was certainly unhappy about me revealing me to you that night, though.”

“Does it hurt? The shifting?”

“Not the shifting itself, but when I struggle, I often injure myself. That doesn’t hurt for long, though. We heal quickly.”

I try to think of another question, just to keep talking, to give myself time to absorb all this. “Why did you come back, then? You moved away to protect the people you care about. Why come back?”

Something in Rogers’s face closes off.

“That’s.. a story for another time.”

I thought we were past all secrets’?

About the werewolf stuff. This is… something else.”

I want to scream in frustration. What could Rogers possibly have to tell me that’s worse than what he already has?

Worry starts to override the frustration. Really, what else is he into that’s even more dangerous than the werewolf’ business?

I look up at Rogers, ready to demand answers, but then I remember how I felt after seeing him shift. I wished I’d never found out. I wanted to go back to my blissful ignorance, only I couldn’t.

Whatever else he’s hiding from me, do I really want to know?