Unspoken Pleasure

Christine stared at her own distorted reflection in the window. When she'd woken up that morning feeling so 'content' she'd been lying to herself. Christine wasn't happy with things the way they were. Not really. She tried to think back to when she'd ever truly been happy and came up empty.

She'd been a lonely kid growing up. Her parents were both very rational, emotionally distant people. When Christine came home with skinned knees, they'd nod absently and hand her a band-aid. When she cried because her first boyfriend had broken her heart, her mother's big piece of advice was 'get over it.'

For a time, Christine had her older brother, Jack. Especially in middle school they'd been close. God, she looked up to her big brother so much. But then Jack went off to his own adventures in college and Christine was back in that empty house. She called it The Refrigerator, her childhood home.

Then she'd met James and he was so handsome and affectionate. In a way that reminded Christine of her big brother. She'd been happy with James, she knew. But then they'd gotten pregnant with Alexis and the world went a-tumble all over again.

Getting through college with one, two, three kids had been almost impossible. Getting through medical school had been even harder. Then, one day, Christine woke up and found a thirty-year-old woman staring back at her in the mirror. And she realized she hated everything about that person.

She started working out. Going to the gym. Building her body into something perfect, something that no one could ever stop loving. That was her new solution. That's how things had gone in her life. When her brother failed her, she found a husband. When he failed, she found school. When that didn't work: exercise.

Only she wasn't happy then, either. Oh, sure she told herself it was happiness. She showed herself her washboard abs and sculpted arms and said, See, you're happy now. You could bounce a quarter off your perfect butt -- that's what winners feel like.

God she'd been so delusional. So naive and stupid. And now she was in the passenger seat, next to her husband and children, driving home with an incest baby in her womb. Quite literally fucked up.

She'd spent all that time resenting Molly for being soft. When it was Christine who was broken. She hated James for being weak. When it was Christine who lacked the strength to do what was right. She'd taught her children awful things about life: about who to be and how to act. She'd been cold like her parents and worse. Judgmental, haughty, selfish.

She thought back on some of the things she'd told Lexi, horrible things, to a girl who worked harder than anyone she'd ever met in her life. The stuff she'd done to Molly -- a sweet, naturally happy girl who loved her mother so deeply. And all Christine had given her back was disdain. It was a miracle Austin could bear to look at her, some of the things she'd said to him over the years.

And James.

God, Christine couldn't believe how horrid she'd been to her husband. Treating him like dirt when all he'd ever done was care for her. She'd resented his love for Molly so much, but what did Christine ever offer him in exchange? How could she be so sanctimonious with her own son's cock pressing at her cervix?

If the family was fucked up, Christine was the one who'd done it. She'd taken these healthy beings and twisted them. Perverted their growth. She'd been an iron dictator who'd bent them all to her will and then laughed at how they limped and simpered in their strange, useless shapes.

The car pulled into the garage. The family piled out in one huge mob. Christine stayed in the car. Numb. She could see happiness through the still-open garage door. She could hear it, stomping and giggling through the rooms above her. She wanted more than anything to be one of them.

She looked down at her belly. Put her hands where she knew her unborn child was already waiting. "Don't worry, baby," she whispered, "Mommy's going to fix everything."

*

James came home feeling beat down. He opened the door, kicked off his shoes, and flopped on the couch. He sat there and gazed at the wall, like waiting for it to give him an answer. He knew none was coming. Things had already been bad enough before he went to work. When he woke up that morning, he couldn't imagine how life could get any worse.

Well, now he knew.

It had started the night before. After the doctor's appointment, Christine had told him about... He couldn't even think the word, let alone say it. He'd gone to bed and stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep.

When James woke up, he tried to start a fight with Christine about it, but she just nodded and agreed with everything he said. It was a new, infuriating tactic and it only made James madder. Eventually, he gave up and stormed off to work. And that's when things really dropped down the drain.

"What happened?" Christine came into the living room, still dressed in her pajamas. She sat on the couch next to James and held his hand. She was acting so affectionate, but James was too distraught to be confused by his wife's behavior. "I got called into Jean's office this morning," James said, "Apparently there were some improprieties. That was the word they used anyway."

"I don't understand." Christine said, "Jean's your supervisor, right?" She kept stroking her husband's hand. She looked at him with warm, caring eyes.

"Yes. Well he was. The short of it is I'm fired," James said.

"What? They can't let you go," Christine said. Her angry reaction to his treatment was already making him feel better.

"They're not," James said, "Not exactly. They brought up a whole bunch of stuff. Everything that's happened since the camping trip, basically. Missing so much work and then coming back and being, well, I guess I can admit I haven't been the most diligent employee lately. There was some other stuff, too."

Christine arched her eyebrow. James almost smiled despite himself. He'd seen both his daughters make the same exact face.

"Well, there was that whole thing with my assistant, Melanie," James said, "They let her go, too, by the way. Also, they said I was bringing prostitutes into the office."

"Oh God," Christine said. She tried to stifle the laugh but couldn't.

"It's not funny, Christine," James said, "I started to tell them it was my daughters, except... Well, I realized that would make things way worse."

"Poor Lexi and Molly," Christine said.

"Poor them? What about me?" James said.

"Of course, dear. I'm sorry," Christine said, "I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. It's just, if those girls knew? They'd be mortified."

"In any case, after they threw all that stuff in my face, they gave me a choice. I could voluntarily resign and get a healthy retirement package, or they were going to make it all public and drag me through the mud." "What did you say?" Christine asked.This belongs to NôvelDrama.Org - ©.