Too Beautiful for the Alpha

Chapter 27

My eyes stay fixated on James as I lay beside him, the sun just beginning to rise through the shutters.

After the doctors left, after they stitched him up, he stayed here and fell asleep and he's been asleep

since. James slept through the night seamlessly, and I assume he must be healing. Alpha blood heals

at a quicker pace, but I didn't know he would be asleep for all of it. Part of me hoped for meaningful

conversation as he rested in my bed, pillow talk, something deep.

The doctors said he would be back to normal in a day or two.

I get out of bed and walk into the bathroom, shutting the door while I wake up and turn on the shower. I

don't lock the door, and part of me gets a rush, but the other focuses on the fact that he'll be asleep for

the day. Anyway, I step in and try to rekindle the flame, gathering up the excitement again. My hair

sticks to my shoulders and my fingers draw swirls on the fogged glass until I imagine him in here.

Suddenly my hands are acting as his as they wrap around my torso, running slowly across my wet skin.

I pretend my touch is his, and I immediately realize how dangerous this game is. My back touches the

tiled wall as if it were his chest, and his hands creep upward. I close my eyes and take in the sensation

of the water raining down on me, dreaming. One of his hands runs down past my bellybutton while the

other holds me. I feel him touch me and I pull away, not wanting to play anymore.

I get out once I'm washed, and I get dressed in the bedroom in front of him as he sleeps. Then I make

my way downstairs and into the kitchen for breakfast. I find Theresa here but not Gail. "She's not

feeling well," Theresa explains. "I'm sure she'll be back in a few days."

"Everyone's not feeling well," I comment. "James will be back on his feet in a day or two, that's what the

doctors said."

"Oh, good. He'll be resting all day then."

I sigh. "Yeah."

"I'm sure Will has everything under control."

The doorbell rings and Theresa answers as I continue eating. Not expecting anyone exciting, I ignore

the voices until the sound of footsteps going upstairs grab me and Theresa comes back with an uneasy

look on her face. "Was it Will?" I ask, curious.

Theresa takes a seat. "No, it wasn't."

"Well, who was it then? Theodore? A guard?"

"It was his father," she says and my heart jolts, "he'd heard that there was an accident and that James

was hurt. I told him it wasn't bad, and he went to see him."

I place down my fork, not knowing what to do. His father doesn't know that I exist. Should I hide?

Should I confront him with a lie? Should I confront him with the truth? My heart picks up pace and I feel

the need to stand up and move. I walk around the kitchen in circles, and Theresa watches me. "What

are you doing?" She asks.

"Is he just here to see him? He's not staying, is he?"

"I'm not sure," she says, "now sit down and tell me why you're acting like this."

"His father—he doesn't know about me," I confess. "He doesn't know that James has a Mate."

"Well, why don't you introduce yourself then? I'm sure he'd be happy to know."

James said he wasn't a good man, that he didn't want him in my life for good reason, so I should wait

until he wakes up. I'll just avoid his father and hope that he leaves in an hour or two. "I think I should

wait for James," I tell her. "He'd want to be a part of it, I think."

When I'm finished eating, I anxiously grab the diaries from where Gail left them in the living room and

head into the closed-off room, moving quick so his father doesn't see me. I close the door behind me

and sit in the small chair, opening the second years.

January 7th, 1992

It has only been two days, but I am sure that I am pregnant. I can feel it. I can feel it inside of me, the

changes, his child. When I had first decided that I was pregnant yesterday, I thought that I would have

been happy, but I am only scared. I see her in my dreams, the Moon Goddess. She lurks towards me

and digs her nails into my pregnant stomach. She claws at my skin.

I sit in the library all day because it is the only place I feel safe. James comes in and tries to get me to

leave, and I do for meals and bathing and sleep, but it is not enough for him. He yells at me because

he is frustrated because he cannot understand my fears. He holds me at night and I tell him that I feel

unsafe in his arms. I feel unsafe everywhere but in the library. Last night he shouted that I should sleep

in there, so I did. It was the best sleep I had gotten in weeks.

It will be five months until I can hold my baby in my arms. It will be five months of hiding from her, but it

is worth it.

January 23, 1992

I am not pregnant. We had gone to see the doctor and he said I am not pregnant. She will not let me be

happy. She will not let me, but I will keep trying.

January 28, 1992

We had tried again last night and James felt very distant during. It is as if he no longer takes joy in

trying for children, and it makes me feel dirty. I feel whorish when I have to beg him to try with me,

when he treats it as a job and not a pleasure. Afterward, I went into the bathroom and cried a little. I am

sure he could hear me, but he did not come in to check on me. I had stayed in the bathroom for an Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

hour and when I came out he was asleep, so I went to the library and slept there. Theresa had dragged

down a mattress and set it on the floor. It takes up most of the room, but it's comfortable for when I

sleep.

January 29th, 1992

Will you talk with me, Diary? James won't.

I close the diary when I hear footsteps then silence then the front door closing. Hesitantly, I leave the

library and peak into the kitchen, then the living room to find Theresa. I ask her if it was his father

leaving, and she says yes. She says that he's staying in the pack until James is better.

Not waiting for another second, I hurry upstairs and into my bedroom. I'm not sure how Alpha-blood

healing works, but I try to wake him up anyway. With a gentle hand, I tap and shake and call out softly,

"James. James, you have to wake up." He stirs so I continue, needing help.

"James, please," I murmur," please wake up. It's your father. He's here. I don't know what to do. I don't

know if he's dangerous or not."

His brows furrow, his eyes squeezing.

-James-

Everything around me is dark. Some unearthly darkness; blue, and purple, and fogged. I'm in the

house, yet in some other universe, another dimension. Dust floats and covers and I walk forward into

the house as if a visitor. Through the windows is a deep night and all the shutters are open, all curtains

stuffed to the edge. There is no one here, no Theresa, or Gail, or Will, or... No. She's here. I can hear

her. I can hear her soft nothings whisper from above me.

Suddenly a heavy worry weighs on my shoulders, drags down my heart and squeezes my lungs. My

feet struggle to pick up as if weights have been strapped to them, but I hurry for the stairs, her voice

calling to me. She's saying my name, needing me.

The hallway is long and dark, and I fight my way towards the large, grey doors, hearing her inside.

She's scared. She doesn't know what to do. She's calling for me. My feet grow heavier, and I claw at

the walls, forcing myself forward. I fall through the doors and stumble to the floor, so close. Her gentle

cries echo in my mind, and I look to the bathroom door, a soft light leaking through the crack. Bringing

myself to my feet, I push open the door and am blinded by brightness.

I see her, Rae, in the tub. Her nakedness is drowned in the richness of her blood, her head is thrown

back, her neck bent over, her wrists submerged and emptied. Her dark hair pours over and dangles

while some strands float on the surface. Her skin is pale, her face angel-like.

I grab her and heave her from the tub, bringing her to the cold floor. She rests in my arms, her skin

stained and cool.

I close my eyes, squeezing, then open them, and there's light.

"James, you have to wake up."

I open my eyes again and she's there, leaning over me.

"Thank Goddess," she mutters. "Your father's here. I don't know what to do."

"James?"

"James, are you listening to me?"

I take in a quick breath and curse my head. Grateful that it's over, I grab Rae and pull her down to me,

making sure that she's really here. "What are you doing?" She asks, laying beside me. I wrap my arms

around her. "Did you hear me at all? Your father?"

"I missed you," I murmur into her hair.

"What do you mean? You haven't even been asleep for a day." Her eyes study for a moment and I feel

her relax. "Where were you?"

-Rae-

James stays quiet but doesn't let go. After a minute or two, I find myself closing my eyes. "I know

you're hurt, but I like you like this."

He takes in a breath, and I let go of all my worries, and we lay together until Theresa calls for

dinner.