The Wicked Mrs. Gastrell (English version)

After what happened to me, I have never been at peace. The pain, the torture I have to go through kept my days lonely and my nights sleepless. I was writhing for something to satisfy my deep yearning for sweet rebuttal.

They said revenge is not ours, it’s God’s, but I’m just a human with frailties. I cannot for all that happened to me let this go easily. I wanted to get even and being evil is all I needed to be.

I needed to be like this.

I needed to be a wicked Mrs. Gastrell.

For all the shits I have experienced, for all the gunks I have tasted, there’s only one way to pay this forward. Cholo is the way and the only way.

But… the enfeeblement in me is growing as I look upon my husband who’s staring at something in his palms. His eyes were dark as he stared at his open palm. The look on his face reminded me of the past Cholo I loved. Those grey tantalizing eyes which soften every time he looks at someone he cherishes, the very same eyes who had looked at me with adoration and resentment simultaneously.

“Are you hungry? Do you have anything in particular you want to eat for breakfast?” I asked while going down the stairs.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

I adjusted the strap of tlmy black long duster dress. I saw him quickly blushing and hiding whatever he was staring at before following me to the kitchen.

“Just anything you usually cook,” he replied, which made me stop for a moment from opening the refrigerator.

The wind seems to be blowing differently today. I turned to him who was just behind me watching my actions.

“Really? You’ll eat anything that I’ll cook for you?” I asked him in disbelief.

He stopped as if he realized something and then shrugged his shoulders.

“Why not? It’s about time I taste my wife’s cooking. You’ve been nagging me to taste.”

“Yeah. You really need to know how magnificent I am when it comes to cooking after you tasted me. I wanted to be your dessert but I guess I’m your appetizer now.”

I winked at him then went back to searching the fridge for something to cook. I felt him come near my back and volunteered silently to hold the doors for me. I knelt down a bit to open the veggies compartment.

“Hmmm, but I still prefer your taste, my personal favorite.” I grinned.

“Ew, Cholo Gastrell. You obviously lack practice when it comes to flattering a woman. Is that all you’ve got? Where are your years of training? I still remember how women here all praise you. They could kiss the ground you walk on for you.”

I grabbed some vegetables and fruits from the rack and stood up. Cholo closed the fridge and followed me to the table.

“Nah, I’ve cancelled my membership in the club. It got to the point of being boring. Besides, someone will get angry.”

I stopped for a bit. Yeah, of course. Elizabeth will get angry at him. But come to think of it. Even when they’re together, Cholo is still seen in the premises of La Vida Club which means he has never been loyal to the woman.

“I won’t mind knowing it now. You have needs. I just wished you have been so careful. I don’t want to be a stepmom at this point.”

I heard him laughing behind me before he sat down on the chair and looked at me cutting the vegetables. I tried so hard not to get conscious but his mere presence is really making it hard for me to ignore him.

“Stop staring at me as if…” I froze when I realized that I was about to say it.

“As if what?” he teased me.

I put the knife down on the edge of the chopping board and met my husband’s mischievous eyes.

“As if we’re back to those times eight years ago. As if it’s that time again when I thought you really cared for me, Cholo. Just a question, have you felt something for me back then even just a little?”

We were surprised by what I said. I almost tweaked myself because I slipped. I shouldn’t have said it. I shouldn’t have let it through my mouth. It must just stay in my brain. I sneered and looked away from the man.

“Nevermind. Don’t answer it. What a waste of a question.”

“I did. I did feel something for you back then, Karina,” he answered in a sure voice. I caught my breath and smiled sarcastically.

“Is it about last night? You’re saying that now because you are guilty. Well Cholo, I don’t want any of your unsolicited pity. I want you back for real because you love me, not because you feel pity for me.”

“You asked. I just answered. It’s not my problem anymore if you don’t want to believe me but I tell you, it’s the truth. Pity? You’re not someone I should pity, wife. Now it’s my turn to ask.”

I took the knife again and continued cutting.

“Sure,” I said.

“Have you loved me eight years ago, Karina? Have you felt anything for me back then?” he repeated my question.

I unconsciously dropped the knife again. It hit the glass on the side that had water in it. It fell over and before we could catch it, the liquid was dripping onto the floor but none of us noticed it.

“Would I come back here if I had not loved you? Who is the crazy person who will return to this town that reminds her of all the bitterness she experienced if the person she will return to is not important to her? Cholo, even though we only had spent a number of weeks together, I swear I’ve loved you, I love you so much. It might sound farce to you but believe me when I say that I had never forgotten about you in all those years.”

I wanted to add something more to what I was going to say but I didn’t continue. My mistake earlier is already enough. He did not answer. He just stared at me with blank eyes.

This is the most difficult part of me when it comes to him. I can’t read his expression especially when he looks at me this way.

Even before, I was always guessing what his looks meant, the simple way he held my hand, and expressions that I couldn’t name. From then until now, I’m still groping in the dark on how to read a Cholo Gastrell.

“Then let me check it out if you’re really telling the truth.”

He pulled me closer and without saying anything, he raised my chin to meet his lips. I was shocked by the speed of his action but I just let it go. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth for him. I didn’t respond at first. I just let him explore my mouth which is trying to get familiar with his tongue.

I don’t know why he’s doing it or what he meant by what he said but if it is what it takes to have his trust and love again then he could have all of my lips.

My hands went up to his shoulder while his hand went down to my butt and cupped it. His kiss became deeper but the gentleness is still there. I almost chased his mouth when we pulled away. I’ve longed for this moment to happen-him reminiscing our past together even if it’s just through a kiss.

“So? How did it go? Did you confirm it?” I asked in a breathless voice, our bodies still pressed together and my hands still on his shoulders.

Our eyes are on each other, delivering messages our tongues are too afraid to utter.

“It says errors ahead. I’ll have to take another one just to make sure if I was right,” he whispered.

I didn’t hesitate anymore. With a grin on my face, I pulled his neck so that our lips met again. The kiss is still soft and soothing with a little bit of biting and sucking.

“What now? Did you finally able to get it clearly or do we have to kiss for another round until we ran out of breath? What do you think of it? Because I’m okay to kiss you forever until your lips bleed,” I said as my hand traveled to his firm chest.

“Wife, don’t be impatient. We have all day for that.”

He let go of me and turned to go to the fridge and get some cold water. I grinned. The fool is such a liar. He was obviously turned on earlier. I felt him on my stomach. It’s up to him if he wants to keep it to his groin. I’m not the one who will have blue balls.

“Hey, hub. I learned you’re on leave. You need to do something for the time being? Can I help with something? Just tell me. I do nothing all day other than to be your confidante.”

He closed the fridge and returned to the chair to watch me cut the fruits again. I intend to make another smoothie.

“I need to iron out some plans for the oil exploration we will be conducting off the coast of Monte Vega. I need to leave my post in the shipyard for this. It’s my pet project together with the Asturias,” he said casually.

“Monte Vega? With the Asturias again? I hope it would just be strictly about business, Cholo. I’m a jealous type of woman especially when I’m not that secure with our relationship. Please no Elizabeth again this time ’cause I can’t promise to be nice to her. I’m tired. My patience with her has run out. You might love her but it’s me who’s with you and I’m your wife. Need I say more?”

He just sighed before standing up to caress my ear.

“What should I do to help you? I might get myself a weapon in case you might think it’s fun to wield your knife at me. Come on.”

I want to roll my eyes at him because of his obvious avoidance of the topic. He could have nodded or said yes but he chose to dodge the question aside which hurt my ego. I get it. He loves the girl very much and I’m just a nuisance in his life now. Sooner or later, I will leave too.

“Just wipe the table and the floor. Or you can call the helpers if you want to,” I pointed at the wet parts because of the spilled water.

“That’s it? Easy.”

He turned to get a towel to dry the table but I stopped him again.

“Cholo.”

He turned to me with questioning eyes.

“Yes? Any more requests, madam?” he said jokingly.

I shook my head. “Nothing. Just answer my question.”

I paused for a while before I answered his questioning eyes.

“So what did you get from the kiss? A confirmation or a refutation?”

Without breaking his gaze, he returned to my side and raised his hand to caress my mouth.

“Your lips still taste the same. I never realized I missed them until last night and now,” he said in a looking back tone.

“But?” I whispered sensing that there are still words he purposely left unsaid.

His finger rose and caressed the corner of my eye.

“Your eyes and smile. They have become strangers to your familiar face.”

I felt like someone poured freezing water on me when he said it. It’s like he is saying that I’m no longer the old Karina that he liked at first.

“I’ll pray for the day when your smile will reach your eyes again. I just found out that that’s what I’ve been looking for so long to see in you. Until then, I’ll be by your side, Karina.”

Cholo had left a while ago to get a map, but I’m still in the same spot he left me. I touched the eyes and mouth that he had previously held.

I’m right. Cholo is only doing all this because he witnessed my weakness last night. I mean, who is the sane person who would change their behavior with the person they hate overnight unless something unexpected happened?

“Your eyes and smile. They have become strangers to your familiar face.”

I smiled bitterly. Any other person who experiences what I experienced will change. Sometimes… I don’t even know myself anymore. I feel like a dead person moving just because of bitterness and anger.

“I’ll pray for the day when your smile will reach your eyes again. I just found out that that’s what I’ve been looking for so long to see in you. Until then, I’ll be by your side, Karina.”

I hope so, Cholo. I hope you will keep the promise you made before.