CHAPTER 44
Nathan’s POV
There we stood, enveloped in each other’s embrace. I hadn’t realised it when I pulled her into an embrace. I knew I shouldn’t do that, but I did it anyway. I was astonished when she didn’t make any attempt to restrain me or even push me away. That should be an indication that she had helped me willingly, out of pure good will.
The tears I shed were long overdue. The woman before me was exceptional. Whether knowingly or unknowingly, she had proven to be heaven-sent. As we remained entwined, I caught sight of Felix and his timid lawyer, who had his face fixed to the ground as Felix roared angrily at him. His face was stone-cold, and he glared at me murderously before entering his car. Something within me told me that he hasn’t given up yet, especially with everything that transpired today.
Regaining myself, I pulled away from the embrace awkwardly. I suggested we go to a nearby cafe to talk, to which she obliged. I led her to the car and drove off.
Once there, we took our seats and ordered drinks. Both devoid of what to say, we kept sipping the drink and constantly avoiding each other’s glances. After a while, I mustered up courage and broke the silence.
“Why did you help me? Why can’t you just leave me and let me rot in jail? I have committed a grave sin towards you, and I totally understand if you choose to seek justice,” I demanded softly, trying hard to stop my voice from being shaky.
She remained silent for a while, her gaze fixed on me, before finally speaking. “You’ve committed a grave sin towards me, like you say, but I can’t just let you rot in prison. I knew it was your past. Believe it or not, we all have haunting pasts. I know you regret it deeply,” she said warmly.
Her words made me emotional. I truly regret my past, and I seriously wish I hadn’t gone down the path. It has haunted me so much that I wish I could break from its grip.
“I don’t know what I have done to deserve your kindness. Thank you so much, but please don’t go out of your way for me next time.”
“I didn’t go out of my way. I helped you willingly. I have been oblivious about how I can help you, but your father called and came up with the perfect plan.”
“My father?” I asked surprisingly.
“Yes,” she nodded and continued sipping her drink.
“I have never thought my father would reach out to you,” I said, and I began wondering why I’m surrounded by people who are willing to go to any length for me.
“You know, you should forgive yourself too, Nathan. You are so mad at yourself, and that’s why you think you deserve to rot in jail. You think you deserve every bad thing that happens to you, and you don’t even try to avoid them.” She said this, fixing a sad gaze on me.
She was right. I have been so mad at myself that I have become determined not to fight any misfortune that might befall me.
“I just want your forgiveness, and that’s all that matters,” I said, breaking the gaze.
“I have forgiven you, Nathan. I really have.” She said that, and I glanced at her, amused. If I hadn’t, we wouldn’t be sitting here at this moment. So it’s time you forgive yourself and start working on being a better man,” she said. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I was determined not to let them drop.
Speechless and unsure of what to do, I just watched her talk, each word piercing through me.
“I know the feeling all too well-the crushing weight of defeat and the nagging voice that whispers, ‘You’re just not good enough. But let me tell you a secret: this is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s often just the beginning.” She said, reassuring me and taking my hands that were resting on the table.
“Thank you, Judith. Thank you so much. I will try to work on myself,” I said, forcing a smile.Content protected by Nôv/el(D)rama.Org.
She also smiled, and silence crept in again. I knew it would be shameless of me to ask her about our relationship. What would happen because of our relationship? Has it become non-existent? And even if I ask, am I truly ready for her outright rejection?
Curiosity got the best of me, and I finally asked, my voice shaking, “What about us, Judith? Don’t get me wrong; I’m not taking your kindness for granted or mistaking it for any affection, but I just wanted to know about us,” I quickly added.
“I will be very truthful with you. We can’t be together, Nathan. No matter how much I think about it, I can’t seem to forget the pains I went through. I forgive you, but I can’t be with me,” she said, and I could feel my heart shredded into pieces.
“And I think it is only right that we stay apart as we keep reminding each other of our hurtful past. We should heal up and then have a fresh start,” she added. I stared at her, unsure of the look on my face, but hers was filled with empathy. I nodded in agreement and avoided her eyes.
She didn’t seem to understand that I could only heal with her by my side. I watched her from the corner of my eye, seeing her struggle to hold back tears. Not wanting her to cry, especially in public, I quickly changed the topic.
“How are the kids?” I asked, distracting her gaze that was fixed on the ground.
“They are fine. They miss you a lot. You can come check up on them once in a while,” she said, looking up at me.
“Really?” I asked, barely containing my excitement. “I have missed the kids terribly. Allowing me to visit them will make me extremely happy.”
“Yes,” she replied, looking delighted.
“Thank you,” I said, taking her hand in mine before quickly withdrawing it.
We discussed other topics, and I warned her to be extremely careful of Felix, scared that he might do something worse. She agreed to be more vigilant.
A little while later, she bid me goodbye and exited the cafe. As she walked out, I considered running after her and holding on to her, but I couldn’t. The woman I loved walked away, and my heart sank.