The Outlaw

Lilith’s pov

I stood still in shock as Gerardo’s head was still bowed on my shoulder, his hot breath hitting my back and his arms wrapped around me delicately. i look to my side to see him, sensing my movement he looks up at me with love in his eyes. My heart contracted in pain and exaltation, without saying a word I got up from the tub and headed out to the room, tying a robe around my body.

“Lilith!! wait! Did I say something wrong?” he asked running behind me, I sat on the bed hiding my face behind my hand, “Gerardo!! you idiot!!” I said as my hands became wet by my tears, I shook my head and looked at him, “How? How can you love me?–” before I could say more, he knelt in from of me and held my hand in one hand and wiped tears from my face.

“how can you say something like that baby? How could I not love you? You’re fierce, strong, smart, beautiful and cunning! Tell me how could I not love you?” he said ever so gently, “The sheer power and authority you you hold can make any man fall in love with you!” he added making me shake my head as the guilt inside me eats me up more.

“This shouldn’t have been me, it should have been her!! I took her place!” I said remembering that horrid day that changed my entire life.

“Baby! Who are you talking about?” he asked sitting by my side. I bite my lips contemplating whether or not should I tell him, I look up at him and one thing is clear, I fucking love this man. I swallowed my anxiety that rose to surface by the voices in my head telling me not to say a word to the man and move on with my life and letting the past stay in the past.

“Kilynn Bruton, my twin sister who killed herself because of me. I am a murderer! Not an angel you think I am!” I said without looking at him afraid I’ll just see disgust.

“Because of you?” he asked in confusion, I nodded back without looking at him.

“Kilynn and I were the closest siblings in our family and since our brothers were always with dad and layla mostly in therapy. We were just alone for the most part, growing up we created a bond stronger than we could have ever imagined. She was beautiful you know, she had the most beautiful dirty blonde hair and the clearest blue eyes, she was a living barbie. As beautiful as she was, she was equally kind and smart. The only difference between me and her was that she was our personality..” I chuckled sadly remembering our times together.

“Our room were so drastic, it made anyone step inside laugh, her side of room was painted lilac and my side was painted black with painting for skull. i was not always as confident as I am today, I used to hide my insecurities behind my dark side and only Kilynn knew this. She always supported me in the worst time. I hated any harm coming towards her, it hit the wrong never in me. Once when a kid in our eight grade picked on Kilynn and I beated him to pulp in front of everyone. I was a straight A student so the principal left with a warning.” I said as more tears ran down my cheeks.

I sniffed loudly and clenched my fist tightly, “One day, our principal told us that in a weeks time a very known politician is going to visit our school and he old chose the best one of us, that included me. We began our preparation and all was well. After a week that monster came, Mason Shawn, dressed in regular clothes and a face to fool the world.

I was the one who served him throughout the event and everytime I got near him to give him something I could get so uncomfortable. I could feel his eyes all over me throughout the time I was with him. It made me sick. Even on stage when he was addressing the crowd, he’d just find a reason to touch me. I had enough when I assisted him to his greenroom, alone. He insisted that he’d help me get in a reputed school and talked about my future, so I stayed ignoring my guts who was telling me to scream bloody murderer….” I felts creeps crawl my body when I remembered that day. Gerardo wrapped his arms around my shoulder trying to calm me down, he could see I was having a nervous breaking.

“Its okay love! You don’t have to!” he exclaimed supporting me but I just shook my head, ” no you need to hear this!” I said taking a deep breath.

“When he told me to close the door and I did as he asked. The only thing in my mind was an opportunity to a better future, my mom was a single mother who took care of three girls and being the eldest, I thought it was my duty to revive my mother of stress. When I sat opposite to him, he told me to sit beside him but I declined even after he kept on insisting otherwise. I think I hurt his masculinity by saying no, so he jumped on me trying to kiss me.” I closed my eyes in rage.

“He touched my boobs and cupped my vagina. I swear to god I have never shouted this loudly in my life. I was screaming, crying, begging for help but on one came. My entire system went to survival mode when he climbed on top of me, I dug my finger in his eyes and slashed his throat with my nails. As soon as he rolled over me I kicked him in his dick so hard he passed out in pain. I ran outside and saw my principal talking to some of the people who came with Mason Shawn, he looked so guilty, he knew what was happening, he heard me cry but didn’t do shit to help me. I dashed through the door and straight home. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried washing his touch off me. Kilynn and Layla were banging the door asking me what happened and in an hour both my dads, mom and brother were outside banging the door.

I couldn’t open the door, I couldn’t say a word, I just kept on crying. When I didn’t open the door my dads broke the door down. Before they could take a step closer to me I freaked out that they will be disappointed and will be disgusted by me. My mother helped me calm down and brought me in my room, when asked what happened, I would get flashes of him touching me and I’ll start screaming running away from any hands that tried to touch me. I couldn’t differentiate between loving hands and preying hands. My mom and dad instantly knew what might have happened and tried to leave to deal with the situation. But I didn’t let them leave, I just wanted them here but not close to me, only Kilynn was the one who could touch me and I wouldn’t freak out.” I took a breath trying to handle the coming part.

“it had almost been a week and I refused to go back to school. I was scarred way too much but I refused to say a word to my parents or siblings. I knew one thing very clearly, I couldn’t and won’t go back there so I spend my whole day filling up forms for scholarship. It had been almost 10 and Kilynn didn’t show up from school. I was sweating in fear of what could have happened. It wasn’t until midnight when Kilynn finally showed up. Mom was so angry that she almost didn’t notice the way she looked. Her hair was all over the place, her clothes were torn, her face was red from bruises, cuts and crying. Her arms and legs were filled with scratches and bruises. When mom asked her what happened, she broke down….” I took a long breath looking ahead, “Mason Shawn kidnapped her and raped her then threw her in the savage hands of his men to enjoy her.” I spat in disgust.

“They mistook her for me. Ever since that day she became more withdrawn, I told everyone what happened and they were enraged as any parent would be. They went to the police and they didn’t help due to lack of evidence and our principal refused to give a statement against him. After two months we found out that Kilynn was pregnant. She was so devastated, I remember the look on her face, the horror was so terrifying. She ran out of the doctor’s chamber and disappeared somewhere, I knew exactly where she was. Our spot, the mountain top. When mom and I reached there, she was standing on the edge of the cliff..”

***FLASHBACK***

Kilynn stood solemnly looking at the setting sun with a void face.

“Kilynn, baby get here!” mom said softly in fear.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“What did I ever do to be here mom? I had always been kind to everyone, helped everyone, so why did my fate was written to be this?” she said loudly looking back at us. The look on her face shocked the both of us, the darkness her eyes held was incomprehensible, “You didn’t do anything wrong baby. Please come here you’re scaring me!” my mother cried looking at her daughter.

Kilynn sobbed, “You said good happens to those who do good. I did nothing wrong mother!!” she cried loudly. I could hear tires screeching at the back, it was dads and my bothers maybe.

“Kilynn, I promise we will help you through everything just please come here!!” I cried calling for my sister.

She look at me angered, “You? You will help me? You spineless bitch? They raped me because of you!! you should have been the one being raped and a bastard child! NOT ME!! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU!!” she shouted at me in hatred.

My family stood my by side as we watched Kilynn succumb to insanity, “I cannot live like this anymore! I am sorry!” she said and fell back off the cliff. My world tore in front of me and I couldn’t do anything about it. My parents ran towards where Kilynn was standing seconds ago. I could hear my brothers and sister cry in the back.

I fell on my knees as the world around me faded away to darkness and I became numb to the pain.

***FLASHBACK ENDS***

I still remember their faces, mom was devastated, totally lost to the world. My father looked like the reason of his life was ripped infront of him while my father’s husband looked like he will kill himself any second now. My siblings were just as traumatized, they all blamed me. Hearing her last words I knew they were taking their grief on me. Since then I had rocky relationship with my parents and siblings except for layla who stood my me every second. And when I got my scholarship at a private school, it was god sent, I packed up my bag and went to stay in that school.

I was driven by hate Gerardo, I spiralled down to drugs and alcohol, I never went back home even on holidays. It hurt too much to not have Kilynn with me, I couldn’t bare the thought of her not being in this world anymore.” I explained laying down on the bed. My head was all over the place, I couldn’t pin point the emotions I was feeling, grief, guilt, anger, hatred surrounded me ready to devour me once again.

” i am so sorry my love, i am so sorry for all the pain you went through. but you didn’t kill your sister! you were in no way responsible for her death. it was all that Mason Shawn, who killed her!” he said after moments of silence. I sit up looking at him dead in the eye, “Even though it took me years to realise i didn’t kill Kilynn. i was not talking about her when i said i am a murdered.” i said but he looked at me confused.

“i killed that principal of mine along with his entire family!” i said.