The Love of An Invisible

**After I packed everything into my backpack, I walked to the Brooklyn Bridge, where the East River passes and connects to Manhattan, it is very high, during the course I thought a lot about my life, I often have the feeling that I’m messing up the lives of Mr. Stevens and that I’m taking advantage of their kindness, I’m not worthy of their help; today I can’t trust anyone else, I exclude myself from the world and always manage to convince the teachers to let me do my homework alone.

Dona Carmem didn’t want to tell me where Iuri went, I haven’t had any news from him for two years, every day my heart eats with guilt for the things I said to him, I don’t even know if I will see him again, but I pray to God that I will, I really need to apologize.

Today I know that if I had valued what he felt, maybe I would be really happy next to him, yes, although he is still young, he was a real man and the only one I have ever met in my life, I have learned to fake a smile of happiness, but it is so hard to sustain him, and it gets worse every day. I know I need to get better, but inside, every day in my head I hammer how useless I am, how much I am trash, that I don’t deserve anything good in life, only things that hurt me and make me cry every night.

The road is busy, throwing myself in front of a car would be very painful, and this could ruin and delay the lives of other people who have nothing to do with my unfortunate situation.

I take a deep breath, sit down on the railing of the bridge facing the river and feel the wind blowing in my face, it is calm, a pity my mind is not like that. I feel troubled, haunted, and dark. I remember my mother’s words, I should be dead, or rather, I shouldn’t even have been born. My chest hurts, I don’t want to live anymore, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s life anymore.

From the small pocket of my backpack I take out a stiletto and look carefully at its sharp point, it is possible to see a glimpse of my reflection, surely everyone will be better off without me, my parents will no longer have reason to be ashamed of me and Messrs.

Yeah, I have no place in the world.

With my mind completely blank, I don’t even need to gather my courage, I take the stiletto to my wrist and make a long cut right in the middle of my wrist and down to my forearm, I’m not sure how deep it is, the pain is burning, but I don’t stop. I feel the warm blood running down my forearm, no more tears come out of my eyes, my legs are shaking, I stand on my body guard and watch the river flow, the wind blows making my hair dance, I open my arms and accept that finally I will have peace. The sun is setting, and with it my sadness too. Just one step… just one step, I lift my leg and close my eyes tightly, I take one last deep breath, I propel my body forward, but instead of feeling the cold water choking me and burning my lungs, what I feel is a cut opening on my forehead, I open my eyes, large male hands encircle my waist, I stand up startled and my head spins, my vision blurs and the last thing I see is a familiar face, Leandro’s face.**

“What do you intend to do now?” I snap out of my reveries with Leandro’s voice.

“I will start working full time at Stevens company headquarters, in the economics department of the company” I say smiling, I will now no longer be living with Messrs Stevens “And you?”

“I’m going to do a master’s degree in accounting,” he answers smiling.

“I’ll be waiting for you at the company.

Two years ago, when he saved my life, Mr. Gustam offered him a job at Stevens as a way to thank him, he accepted, but said he would only go when he finished his studies and had the ability to perform the job as best as possible.

I didn’t forgive him right away, but I only noticed that we were in the same course after these events, I was in the same class with him for four semesters and never noticed his presence. I only really started the process of forgiving him after he insisted a lot, to the point of making the heads of the professors to put us as a pair in the assignments, after this and many conversations with the psychologist, it took three months for us to become friends, and I am happy, today I no longer feel alone and not as guilty as before, I can say that I am in a new phase.

“I finally found you!” my older sister appears hugging me “I’m so proud, you’ve grown so much” she says with emotional eyes.

“Thank you, sis” I smile and she hugs me tight.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

I contacted her a year ago, she was very happy and so was I, she is the only fragment I have left of my family, she has not told our parents that she talks to me, they will only hear about me tomorrow, when I will enter as an employee at the headquarters of the Stevens company, before I was an intern at a nearby branch office, I can’t even imagine the face my parents will make when they see me there.

“Mrs. Carmen appears and greets my sister, who also hugs her.

“Every day you look younger” she says smiling.

“How nice of you” she smiles openly, “Too bad you arrived on time to leave.”

It’s already two thirty in the morning, from today I will no longer live at Mr. Stevens’ house or use their car, I’ll be independent. The money I earned from the internships I saved and bought an apartment with two bedrooms, one suite, a large living room and kitchen and service area very large. they did not let me refuse the gift and furnished the AP, it was perfect. Now I have a little place that I can call my own.

“Well, at least I will be able to see you tonight, tomorrow I will be in court all day.

“I hope you win, as always,” he smiled at her and hugged her once more as a way of saying goodbye.

“We will give you one last ride,” Mr. Gustam speaks smiling proudly.

I agree and we leave the college. I can’t wait for the time to come and show that I have value.

************

The glass doors open, it is exactly seven thirty in the morning, in half an hour the company goes into full swing, I know that all the managers are already gathered to meet the new employee in the president’s office, I take a deep breath. With firm steps I enter the metal box and press the button for the top floor, in less than five minutes the doors open and I take the first step into another new phase.

I didn’t want any position that I had to be in, and because I’m just a simple employee I shouldn’t be introduced to the entire management of the company, but Mr. Gustam insisted, he wants to show what his rejected daughter has become.

I feel my heart beating hard, as if it were about to burst out of my chest, I need to stay cool and centered, I can’t falter. Sucking in a deep breath one last time, I open the big smoked glass door. I enter with my head down, I am wearing a black pencil skirt and an ice-colored social blouse, black stiletto heels, and loose hair that bangs against my butt. Raising my head, I note with satisfaction the wide-eyed, disbelieving eyes of my parents.