Surrender Your Sensations

Gelo and I returned to the venue. At exactly one o’clock in the afternoon, the list of the auditionees who made it to the top twenty would be announced. We still have fifteen minutes to spare, so I decided to go to the bathroom to pee.

I left Gelo with my org mates and made my way to the nearest bathroom. After that, I exited the girl’s restroom only to be greeted by Rupert. He was leaning on the wall beside the restroom, arms crossed over his shoulders, and seemed like waiting for someone.

What was he doing here?

My forehead furrowed. Obviously, he’s waiting for someone… But who?

I looked inside the restroom again but no one else was there. So, I stood in front of him to ask him but I was shocked at the next thing he did.

He immediately hugged me, wrapping his arms around my waist,  which caught me off guard.

“R-Rupert …”

“How was it?” He pulled away from the embrace but his two hands remained on the sides of my waist. As much as I wanted the feeling of him being this close, I got conscious because the passers-by who were looking at us. So I had to remove his hands.

He was stunned for a few seconds before he put his hands inside the pocket of his tattered jeans.

“How was what?” I asked.

“Your audition? I had a lab class at higher microbiology for five hours so I wasn’t able to go to see you right away.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Has the result been announced? I went to the auditorium hall to see you but you weren’t there. Your org mates said you went to the restroom so I checked on you here.”

My mouth fell open. I told him last night about this audition and I also told him how much I wanted to get a spot on the roster. He practically knew about my regrets of not being able to compete in the nationals two years ago. But I didn’t expect him to come to me even though he was from a stressful five-hour lab class.

“The top twenty will be announced at exactly one PM,” I replied with a smile before wrapping my hand around his arm. I was touched by his concern and effort to see me for this audition. I also appreciated that he remembered about it even though he was almost asleep last night when I told him about it.

“Really? Good. I’ll wait with you. After that, will there be another round?” I nodded at his question. “Then, I’ll wait for you again.”

“What?” I looked at him in disbelief. “Have you had lunch yet? Didn’t your class start at seven AM earlier?”

Even if he didn’t say it, I could see the tired look on his face. Though I wanted him to be there cheering for me, it’s not okay for him to be there while enduring hunger.

“But I want to cheer for you. Let me do that.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re friends,” he said, putting his arm around my shoulders and guiding me to walk. “Let’s go, it’s almost one.”

“Nope. I’ll go. And you,” pointing at him, “you go to the cafeteria and eat your lunch. Just come back to the auditorium after then,” I said before removing his arm.

He’s about to protest so I put my index finger on his lips. The sparkling piercing on his bottom lip was really catching my gaze every time I would look at his face.

“Go. Eat first. I can’t ask you to be there and wait for me with an empty stomach. That will distract me.”

He sighed before nodding. I smiled. He squatted down to pat the top of my head. “Text me if you make it to the second round,” he reminded me with a smile.

“Of course. See you later.” I gave him a wink and was about to leave when he held my hand. I didn’t expect the next thing he did.

He pulled me back, and then kissed me on my forehead, in the middle of the hallway, with people passing by.

“R-Rupert.”

“Good luck. I believe you’ll get one of the spots. You’ve waited for this opportunity for so long.”

I stared at him because of what he said. It took me a couple of seconds before I was able to breathe again. But my heart was acting strangely- it’s beating too fast.

“I believe in you. You can do that. This time, I’ll be there to support you in every step of the way.” His eyes, at this close distance, bore so much emotion. But pain and… regret dominate there? “And I want you to know that I will still be here even if you fail the audition. I will not let what happened before happen again.”

Before?

“W-What are you talking about?”

Suddenly, the negative emotions in his eyes immediately disappeared. Obviously, he did not mean what he just said out loud. He forced a smile and then took a step back- setting a definite distance away from me. “Ah … Don’t mind what I said. I mean, I believe in your ability. You’re hungry for this, thus, you will surely have it.”

I stared at him before nodding. He did not want to talk about it. There was no use asking him. Suddenly, it was as if he was suddenly away from me.

“All right. I’ll go to the cafeteria. I’ll hurry up so I can get to you right away. Good luck!”

I watched him turn away from me. Just like the other days, he’s with me but his mind was wandering somewhere away.

Probably to where she was, Ava- his greatest love.

I sighed before shaking my head and then started walking back to the auditorium hall.

Rupert didn’t say it but I felt it- both the pain and the sadness he was feeling. What happened before would never happen again? I was not stupid to not realize he’s pertaining to Ava. He said he would not disappear even if I failed the audition. Did it mean he was not there when Ava was failing? Was that the reason behind the pain and regrets in his eyes?

“Ava!”

I stopped walking because of the name I heard. I looked up and was immediately stunned. I saw a guy waving his hand at me. I couldn’t see his face clearly but he’s running towards me. I looked behind me but there was no one else. Ava? Was I the one he was referring to?

When the guy was in front of me he immediately said his ‘sorry’ before bowing his head. “I’m sorry, Miss. I thought you were my friend. You have the same length of hair.” Then the stranger left.

I, on the other hand, was in deep thought about what had just happened. It was a big realization for me.

Does Rupert see Ava in me?

My breathing was fast and shallow because I felt like I was at a disadvantage. My competitive and alpha self was starting to argue that I shouldn’t let anyone tarnish my self-worth. My fists clenched. I was never a shadow of anyone but myself.

Definitely not by someone who was already dead.

I forced myself to calm down to suppress my desire to go to the cafeteria today and ask Rupert. Not now. I had something that was more important to do.

“Meredith!”

I took several deep breaths before a smile greeted the person who called me. I was already in front of the auditorium. I recognized Cherry’s hair’s curly ends and her voice.

“Aren’t you going inside yet? The top twenty will be announced. Let’s cross our fingers, Girl!” She giggled. “But I’m sure you got in. There is no way a debate genius will not make it.”

“You’re really crazy! All right, I’ll come in. I need to find out if you’re right.”

Somehow, my thoughts about Rupert were automatically put aside. I need to focus more on being part of the official debate team. I could confront him later but right now, I blocked out anything about him in my head.

“Good luck, Meredith!” Cherry said before she finally left the auditorium.

I just waved and then entered the auditorium hall. I went to the right side of the place where my org mates were sitting. I sat down next to Gelo. He gave me a sideway glance before he said, “You took quite a while. Something happened? You don’t seem to be in the mood.”

I looked up to him before giving him a shrug. “Is it too obvious that I’ve lost my good mood?”

“It’s not the right time for you to think of anything, Meredith. Don’t you really want to be on the debate team?” Gelo raised his fist in front of me. “Eye on the prize, Meredith.”

I grinned before also raising my fist and bumping it to his fist. We did a fist bomb and this time- my mind disregarded anything about Rupert.

Eye on the prize.

“Good afternoon, everyone! The long wait is over. We already have the list of those who made it to the next round.” The striking pixie cut with blue highlights of Minzy made me recognize her. She was holding an envelope and next to her was Axel, the vice president of Alpha Battuere, the guy with a very broad shoulders and deep voice.

Everyone’s attention was turned to the two of them. The buzz in the auditorium slightly subsided as everyone waiting for the results listened, attentively.

“Are you all excited? We are going to announce our top twenty!” Minzy and her usual cheerful self made everyone cheer in a mixture of excitement and anticipation.

I looked at Gelo when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I felt him softly caressing my shoulder as Minzy and Axel alternately called the names who made it to the top twenty. I also put my arm around him and we both waited for each other’s names to be called.

“Sheryl Andrea Cadag! Congrats to Van Corteso too!”

Please … Give me this shot. I promise to not waste this.

“Congratulations Catherine Estacio!”

I desperately want this.

“Our next qualifier, Angelo Leviticus Cristobal!”

I shrieked in glee before I looked at Gelo. He made it.

“You don’t look happy,” I pointed out, his shoulders were still tense and his jaw was clenched.

He gave me a sideway glance, “We haven’t heard your name yet,” he pointed out.

My eyebrows arched and I grinned at him. “If I can get in, your chances will be reduced. You said it once, I defeated you back in High School,” I teased him, trying to hide my fear and nervousness through my forced grin.

“If you can’t get in, the chances of winning the nationals will be reduced.”ConTEent bel0ngs to Nôv(e)lD/rama(.)Org .

I stared at him because of what he said, before I laughed. “Aren’t you being altruistic here?”

“Nope. I’m being a utilitarian here. You know, seeking what’s the universal good for everyone.”

“You’re quite twisted. But that’s definitely how a good debater should be.” I leaned on my seat and then crossed my arms over my chest. “Universal good, my ass. For sure, you have your agenda.”

“Of course, I have a hidden agenda. I’m not a saint.”

I just nodded before smiling. It’s very rare to meet someone with the same way of thinking as yours. And for me, it’s Gelo. Now, it’s not really a question why I got along with him even before in the hospital. His principles were quite similar to mine. Let’s just say we’re not that evil but certainly we’re not noble people.

“And definitely last but not the least, Alpha Battuere’s debate genius who was put into a short halt,” what Minzy said made my heart beat faster, out of happiness and a bit of embarrassment. I mean, does she even have to say that? “Meredith Kaye Santiago!”

A loud applause from the crowd was heard after my name completed the list. The top twenty advancing to the next round was now completed.

“Now, we have to get the two spots on the roster. If we get those spots, the debate team will surely have the upperhand,” Gelo said, smugly. He stood up with his overflowing confidence and then offered me his hand.

“What now? Are we partners in terms of debating?”

“I prefer you as an opponent, Meredith. But we both missed this opportunity the last time it was offered to us.”

My forehead furrowed before realizing what he was referring to.

“So … Two years ago …”

“Yeah. I was a transferee, Meredith. I should have represented the university where I came from to the national level, two years ago.” Gelo reached for my hand and then pulled me to stand up. “Angela’s situation worsened that time and I had no choice but to let go of the opportunity.”

I remembered telling him and Angela about my frustrations and regrets because I got sick in the hospital when I was sick.

“I want this badly, Meredith.”

I took a deep breath before nodding. I held his hand as tightly as I could the same way I did before when I was losing my hope to recover from my cancer. That day, Angela and him held my hands to assure me.

“And I want this desperately, Gelo.”