One More Chance

~~~Here I am playing with those memories again and just when I thought time had set me free, those thoughts of you keep taunting me. Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew. Though each and every part of has tried, but only you can fill that space inside. So there's no sense pretending, my heart is not mending~~~

-Nina Girado-

I sat down next to her and watched her cry even though I'm still confused about the reason why. I leaned back against my seat and watched her in silence. Seeing how devastated she was at the moment, I never tried to ask her nor open my mouth to talk to her. I know she'll open up to me when she's ready, so I've decided to wait until she calms down.

I took the box of tissue from her desk and gave it to her and the moment she accepted it, her reddened eyes met the confused mine. I know what's going through her mind as she stared at me. I'm sure she was also confused and asking herself as to why I'm not scolding her or why I'm not asking her about what happened.

And when she finally opened her mouth, I confirmed that I was right.

"Are you not going to ask me about what happened?" She asked with a sad yet bitter smile that played on her lips.

I sighed, reciprocating her sad smile.

"No." I shook my head.

"I'm sure you have lots of questions. Aren't you going to ask me anything?"

"Nope, because all the questions in my head that I've wanted to ask you since you came earlier, have already been answered."

She sighed, lowering her head.

"He lied about the divorce papers." The first sentence she uttered as she wiped her face with the tissue I gave her. "The last time I asked him about it, he said yes and then now he suddenly broadcasted the truth!"

I stared at her, taking a deep breath.

"Hmm... so why are you crying?"

"Because I told you he lied to me. All these years when all I thought I was already free from the past, but then all of a sudden I will find out it was all a lie and that I'm still married to him."

"Alright, but do you really have to cry and be devastated over that thing?"

"Jack, you don't understand, it's not just a thing!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Why don't you make me understand because I don't get it, you know?" I huffed. "So what if he lied to you about the real status of your marriage? And so what, if you found out you're still married to him over these years? Then sign another divorce paper and this time make sure you two file it on the court! What's the problem with that? Why do you have to cry and be sad over it where you should be mad instead of crying?"

"And what do you think I feel right now?"

I was a little shock when she raised her voice, but that just awakened the bitch inside me.

"Whoa! Wait, don't be mad at me, I wasn't the one who lied to you." I couldn't help but chuckle. She had already stopped crying.

"I am mad--- furious after hearing what he said! It seemed that all the efforts I made to break free from him were useless! It's all useless?"

"Useless? How do you say that?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. "Well, it really would all be useless if not only your marriage were a lie, but your feelings as well.

I didn't miss the shock that suddenly registered in her eyes.

"Earlier, you were confused as to why I'm not asking you anything, right? Then I hope you would answer this question straight. You said all your efforts seemed to be useless because you found out you're still tied to him. Is that really the reason or is it because you realized that after more than four years of hiding from him---"

"I wasn't hiding---"

"After more than four years of trying to forget him, you realized that you still have feelings for him, that you're still in love with him and nothing has really changed?"

Her mouth hung in mid-air as she stared at me in surprise.

"Am I right?"

She didn't answer my question, instead, she stood up and walked over to the mini-pantry.

"Am I right, Sam? Do you still love your ex--- oh, you're not divorced yet, so I'll change the question. Do you still love your husband?" I kept bombarding her questions and I didn't stop until she finally let her thoughts go. "Yes! I still have feelings for him!"

I gasped in shock when she suddenly turned around and screamed with her eyes full of unshed tears.

"I still love him and that's the fucking reason I cried because I hate it! I hate that feeling, I hate that realization and I hate myself as much as I hate him!"

"But why do you hate yourself?" I asked, taking the rest of the steps towards her.

"Argh!" But then she dropped down and sat on the floor, screaming. Tears started to fall down her cheeks.

"Samantha..." I immediately took her hand and motioned for her to stand up, but she didn't budge.

She lifted her knees close to her chest and hugged them as she continued to cry.

***

SAM's POV:

"I hate the truth, Jack. I hate myself for being stupid! All these years, I thought I had already moved on. I thought I had already forgotten him, but I was wrong." I said between my sobs. "Sam..."

And again, she sat down next to me and I looked at her. The expression in her eyes changed from confusion to understanding.

"And you know what the saddest thing--- I also love David. He's a good man. He's my dream man. A man of every girl's dream. He's the exact opposite of Luke and he never hurt me physically, mentally, emotionally like what Luke did to me." "You don't love him."

"Huh?" My head snapped at her in an instant and saw the seriousness in her eyes. "What do you mean I don't love him? Of course, I love him. You were there when I first met him, you were there when we became friends and when our friendship started to bloom and it turned into a serious relationship."

"Exactly. I was there and I witnessed everything."

"So why are you telling me I don't love him?"

"After watching you earlier, I believe

you don't really love him, Sam. You're just in love with the idea of having someone like him, a man of every girl's dream next to you. The exact words came from you, he's the exact opposite of your ex--- I mean, your husband and you became fascinated by David's personality which was the opposite of Luke's. You thought you're in love with him because he makes you smile, he makes you happy, but the truth is that you're just hiding your pain and you were using David to forget Luke, but you failed."

"So what are you trying to say, that he was just a rebound? Jack, I didn't use him!"

"Then why are you telling me that you still have feelings for Luke? Is it possible to love two people at the same time? How would you explain that, huh? So when we were in New York, you loved David while you're still in love with Luke?"

"Because I do. I love him. I love David." Tears started flowing down my cheeks again. I was really confused and hurt inside. How would I explain it to him? How would I tell him the truth? How would I tell him that I'm still married and that I still love the man who caused me so much pain?novelbin

"Okay, you love David, but what about Luke? You said you still love him."

I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath.

"Yes, I still love him despite everything he's done to me. I still love him even after four years of trying to forget him, that's why I felt like thousands of knives stabbed my heart again when I heard he didn't file the divorce papers and yet he stayed with her. Earlier this morning after signing the documents, found allmy things were still intact and hadn't been touched since the day I left that house. Then we talked inside the closet and right there he told me that he loves me and he was sorry for everything, for all the mistakes and the pain he had

caused me. And do you know what

else he said?"

I asked and she waited for my next words. My lips were quivering, so I had to bite them before continuing.

"He asked me for another chance. A second chance to make up for all his mistakes, to take his family--- our family back and he'd be the husband I wanted him to be. This time he will make everything right. And you know what I felt at that moment? Deep in my heart, I felt so much happiness. It was so good to hear them, Jack. Everything he promised was so good to hear because those were the words I had been waiting to hear from him four years ago, but I also felt pain and hurt at the same time."

I paused to take a deep breath. My nose was already clogged.

"Because it's too late, Jack, it's too

late. If only four years ago, he said

those promising words to me, maybe I would have jumped in

excitement and rolled on the floor

because of so much happiness.

か

was waiting for him to tell me even those simple words like I care for take care, I love you, but he never did. And suddenly, those things that I had been meaning to hear from him, I heard from David and he didn't just simply tell them, he showed them through his actions. So you're wrong, I love David."

She didn't say anything, she just gave me a long deep sigh as a response.