Married to the mafia boss Series

Her eyes look down and catch my engagement ring. She holds my hand and examines the diamond. “Such a beautiful ring. Who is the lucky man?”

I swallow hard. “Gaetano Cobuzzi.”

Her smile falters. “Oh dear…”

“I know,” I frown with her. “It’s my third arranged marriage. Can you believe it?” I laugh for pity’s sake. “My first and second husbands were both killed. My brother Lazzaro and Nonno say that marrying Gaetano will give my brother political advantage when he takes over as Don.”

“You don’t want to marry him,” she states as a fact. I nod my head. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

“What if there is?” A tear trickles down my cheek. “What do I do?”

“You listen to your heart,” she squeezes my hand, stands up, and leaves.

How can I listen to my heart? How can I possibly follow in that direction and destroy the life that Nonno worked so hard to build? How can I destroy Lazzaro’s life or get him killed just because I want to so selfishly listen to my heart?

I look over to my right to see a familiar face blending in. I didn’t even notice him. He is so close in proximity to where I’ve been sitting. I wonder how long he’s been there, how much he’s heard?

Our eyes meet and he walks away, something tells me to follow him. I stand up and wipe my sweaty palms on my sweatpants. I walk a few feet behind him, he turns his head slightly looking at me out of the corner of his eyes just to make sure I’m still following. He leads me into a private room where he shuts the door behind us and he takes a deep breath.

“I heard everything,” he begins, “I heard the entire story about how your grandfather risked so much for true love. I saw the look on your face, I know you don’t want to marry Gaetano and even if you don’t love-” he cuts himself off, “He selfishly put the Cosa Nostra in danger, in war, just so he could marry for love. I know you, Arabella, I know how your mind work and you want to be compliant. You want to marry Gaetano for the sake of your family because you can’t be selfish. It’s not in your nature. You have to be selfish.”

“What?” My eyes widen.

“You’ve been through hell and back and yet your family keeps asking more of you. The only people benefiting off of something you’re doing, is then. They are leaving you to sacrifice your happiness for theirs!”

“Carmelo-”

“No! Why can’t they sacrifice for you? I mean Lazzaro is already Don, they will get over it! They don’t need you to marry Gaetano!”

“Gaetano has significant influence on the mafiosi. He can get them all to respect Lazzaro-”

“They will respect him in time! There will always be men who don’t like leadership. People were pissed after Lorenzo died because they didn’t want Antonio to take over. No one wants Angelo to take over in Boston either and Angelo and Antonio are both rightful heirs in the moment. Lazzaro no matter what will have to earn his place and earn trust in his men. There’s nothing Gaetano can do or say that will change that. No marriage will change that!” He looks at me with a helpless angry stare.

“What are you saying, Carmelo?” I whisper and look away from the intensity in his eyes.

“I’m saying that I am in love with you!” He shouts and throws his arms up. “I’m saying that I want you to be happy and I want you to put yourself first.”

My mouth hangs open in shock, then again since that one night there has been something between us. Who am I kidding? There has always been something between us even from that first night when we promised it would be uncomplicated sex. It’s always been complicated.

“Carmelo, I-”

He cuts me off again. “You… you don’t have to say it back. I want you to be happy even if it’s not with me,” the defeat in his voice breaks my heart in half.

“Will you shut up?” I finally get a word in. “I love you, Carmelo. I think I’ve always harbored feelings for you. I think I actually fell in love with you the night you played violin for me. I knew for sure the other night when we…”

“Made love?” He finishes for me. “Yeah, I felt that too.”

I stand in front of him and gently cup his cheek pulling him down to me. I kiss his lips briefly before saying, “I can’t. I may love you, but I can’t just abandon my family when they need me. Maybe in another life we could’ve had everything including the children you’ve always wanted.”

He stares at me blankly. It was months ago when Viola was born. He was holding her and Liliana asked if he would ever want children. I never heard someone answer yes so quickly.

“I don’t care about children. I don’t care that you can’t have kids because I would rather have you.”

“You say that now but what if you grow to resent me? What if one day on your deathbed you regret not ever having children? What if one day you decide your life is incomplete without them? I can’t give you biological children and I’m not even sure I would want to adopt.”

“Arabella, I can make decisions for myself. I can decide if not having children is a deal breaker for me. It’s not. A deal breaker is living a life without you.”This content belongs to Nô/velDra/ma.Org .

The way he fights for me makes my heart swell a thousand times. I want nothing more than to run into his arms, tell him that I want a life with him as well, and then make love to him right here on the floor. I want it more than anything. I want to be happy with Carmelo because he is the only man who has ever made me feel worthwhile. He makes me feel safe and protected and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. He’s the cheerleader I have always wanted.

He’s the lover Vinny never was. He’s the gentle soul Luca never was. And he’s the most accepting man Gaetano would never be. Carmelo puts me before anything else, he risks his life to keep me safe and would break every code of conduct just to be with me. I have played pretend for so long but with Carmelo there is no pretend. It’s just me and him and unfiltered truth and love.

“I’m sorry,” I walk out the door before he can see me cry and before I realize I’ve made the wrong decision.