LOVING THE REJECTED BILLIONAIRE

I am in love, deeply in love with the impossible Adrian Ashton. Or should I say, the broken Andy?

Days have gone by since the day we went to that charity event. Despite the disturbing contradicting emotions of seeing my ex in the most unexpected place, I came home enthusiastic that day because my sweet handsome crush, Andy, had promised that we would talk about the kissing that has become addictive to both of us. I was so eager to know why he kisses me every day with so much passion. I was ecstatic about understanding his true feelings for me. Finally, I would know what he really wants from me.

On getting home, my Andy became distant. He did not want to talk. We did not even have coffee together that day. He went direct to his office, and when I went to ask him if we could talk, all I got was the “I am busy” annoying response. He did not even look at me. He did not care to ask what I wanted to say. He did not even tell me that we would talk later. No. He just dismissed me by burying his head on the computer, while I took my walk of shame with a downcast heart. I felt disappointed and angry.

The following day he woke up and gave me the morning dose, like he used to, and always does up to date, and pretended like nothing had happened the previous night. He decided to play dumb with me, and I knew better than to force issues. I knew he had not forgotten, he just did not want to talk about it.

I am fine if he does not want to talk, but at least he should have told me. I would not have made a fool of myself going to his study to ask him if we could talk. He would have saved me from the pain I felt that day, and even now, I still feel it. Call me cheap or stupid, but I still have not been able to refuse his kisses, and neither does he want to stop tormenting me with them.

Have you ever wanted something so bad, but at the same time you are almost convinced that you can not have it? That feeling of desiring something that is so far beyond your reach? The feeling is so disappointing and confusing. You do not know whether you should give up on it or keep trying. That is my exact case with Andy.

I adore this guy, so much more than he can ever know, but this love is impossible. Andy is complicated. I do not even know what he wants or how he feels, and what is worse, he does not seem like opening up anytime soon, or ever. I am lost. I want to stop caring for him, but I can not. I want to stop feeling this way, but I can’t. My heart is so adamant about loving him, despite knowing that he does not love me. I am so used to his kisses that I do not want to put a stop to them. I am so used to his touch that I can’t survive without it. I want him so much. I want him like now. I feel so incomplete without him around. But I guess there are things that you are not meant to have no matter how hard you try. Andy is not for me. He can not love me. Everything is against this love, starting from our pedigrees. He can not love me, and it is high time I wake up from this dream. I want to love him, but I can not force myself on him.

I finish preparing his coffee and put it in a flask, and I take mine ready to walk to my room. I will have my coffee there because I do not want to see him. My feelings for him are becoming so strong every passing day and I am finding it difficult to relate with him.

As I walk out of the kitchen, my phone rings, and I see a video call from Rita. What does this gossip-monger friend of mine want now? If I do not take her call, she might call Andy. She is desperately trying to get us together. I don’t understand what’s her deal in me loving Andy, but I wish she can know how she is miserably failing. I hasten my pace and walk to my room, put my mug of coffee on the small table and sit on the chair.

“Hey, what took you so long to receive my call?” She almost yells.

“I was in the kitchen, but here I am. What’s up?”

“That is boring. I expected you to tell me you were in Andy’s room.”

Andy’s room? He took me there once, that day I was idolizing the beautiful scene between his legs. I was so happy that day after discovering that I had such an effect on him. But I guess it was just but a normal rust. You know, that arousal that any woman would cause a man. It is that same day that I spent the night in his arms, and I felt safer than ever. Unfortunately, those were the first and the last time. All I have to do is live with those beautiful memories. Sweet memories of how he pleased me on his bed that day, and how peacefully I spent the night in his arms.

“Hey, Tania!” She squeals at me again, snapping me from my fantasies.All text © NôvelD(r)a'ma.Org.

“Huh? Watch your tone, will you?” I snap back.

“What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” I lie, and I know Rita won’t buy that lie.

“Nothing? Look at your face, Tania! You look pathetically miserable, and you are zoning out. What is it?”

I knew it. She always knows when I am lying, just like Andy.

Andy! Andy! Andy! Can I really forget him?

“It’s nothing, Rita.” I insist on lying.

“Aren’t we friends anymore now? You can not tell me what is bothering you anymore? Please, Tania, come on.”

When she begs like that, when she uses that tone, it means she is really worried.

“I want to stop loving this broken jerk of yours, Rita. See what he has turned me into? I am going crazy!”

“Why? What happened? Did he tell you anything?”

“That is the issue. He does not say anything, and it’s freaking me out. I am done deluding myself.”

“Well, you know what bestie? Love is unconditional. You can not choose when to love and when to stop loving.”

“I can not do this, Rita. I can not continue with this one-sided love. You know what, it’s all your fault?” Now that I remember, it’s all her fault for encouraging my absurdity. She should have told me early enough that this jerk can not be loved. But what did she do?

“Me? What did I do?”

Yeah! The innocent Rita is not aware! Spare me crap!

“Weren’t you the one who prompted me into this madness? Have you forgotten how you campaigned for him? You dug this grave for me and look at me now, Rita.”

“Sorry, bestie. But don’t worry. I will sort it out. I will talk to Adrian.”

“Don’t you dare!” She better not. Andy can not find out how miserable I am because of him. I will look like I am so desperate for his love. I do not want his pity. “I will fix this myself.”

“What are you going to do?”

“FORGET HIM! Forget that I cared for him. I will ignore whatever this stupid heart of mine is feeling, and focus on what brought me here. I have my whole family depending on me. I can not afford to lose my senses. I can’t. I do not want to.”

“Look behind you.” She says, with a smile that speaks nothing but betrayal.