Loved

No personality today, just a song.

Good years by Zayn Malik.

Try listening to it while reading the second part…

Another update…

WARNING ⚠️⚠️⚠️ — VERY LONG CHAPTER ??

Enjoy ❤️?———————-

Hunter’s p. o. v.

New york city?

No.

I cross out another possible address of Soldo from my ideas.

The office was closed by now because the time, I assume is between five and six and I’m seated in my office with an almost empty bottle of whiskey.

I’m having a dinner with Mr Reid tomorrow and I have no intentions of telling him what is going on yet but the fact that I’m at the greatest standstill in life is pricking at my soul.

I bring my focus back to what I have at hand.

Los Angeles.

When I heard last about him, that was his location and Soldo isn’t one to stay in a position for long.

What about Los Gatos?

I heard of another drug pin brewing up there. He may have gone to stake his claims.

But then there’s Slovakia.

Casablanca.

Buenos Aires

Even Rio de Janiero.

Chances search also had suspicions on Madrid.

This is hopeless!

I threw down my pen and jumped out of my chair in annoyance.

By this time, I had taken off my suit jacket and rolled up my sleeves.

The environment became too hot a while ago due to my extreme brain exercise that I had to undo the top three buttons of my dress shirt.

I sighed and took a deep breath before taking up the paper that I had scribbled down some pointers.

He could have chosen to hide in the most expected place, back at Los Alamos but the police were reported to have raided the den four years ago, he couldn’t have gone back.

But soldo is a man of the unexpected. Cole was a former member to the circle just like I was and he did mention seeing Soldo in Port Harcourt the day he went to visit his grandma in Nigeria.

Then again this was two years ago, before all this threat and bull shit.

Soldo could be on fucking Mars planning on how to plant weed in Jupiter.

” Aaaaah! This is hopeless!!”

In my anger, I grabbed the glass bottle containing less than a quarter of whiskey and threw it against the opposite wall.

I watched as it shattered to pieces and fell in shreds to the floor.

Just like my life.

Everything, just everything is going to be gone soon.

I was given an ultimatum of five months to live. Five freaking months.

But that was when the letter was sent.

The five months end next month.

I’m just a walking dead. I already know that I wouldn’t make it. So why am I even trying?

I should just give up on trying to get to him to negotiate, I should give up on sealing this deal with Mr Reid.

And I would. You know what? I’m done!.

I’m done trying to protect myself. I expected this day surprisingly, so why am I extending the inevitable?

I run my hands from my face to my hair and released a groan when I realized how sweaty my forehead is.

I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn’t notice someone gently open the door.

” Mr McConnell?”

Iris?

Her soft voice cooed into the room but she’s the last person I want to see right now.

I even thought she had gone home.

” Mr McConnell?” She called again, still staying behind the door. Waiting for me to Grant her permission to enter.

I really don’t understand her latest good secretary attitude but I’m not buying her bullshit.

” Miss Jules, what do you want?” I stood with my arms on my waist and waited for her to walk in.

” Oh.. err- good evening. I just wanted to inform you that I’ll take my leave now” she said as she entered but her statement didn’t stop her eyes from widening in shock when she saw the broken bottle.

She’s here to inform me that she’ll take her leave?

This is the third time this week, what is with the behavior?

” Jules for heaven’s sake, since when has it been of interest to tell me when you want to go?”

She bit on her bottom lip and shyly looked to the ground.

” I-I just wanted to let you know” her words were barely audible.

” Well now I know. You can leave” I grunted and walked around my table to the opposite wall, trying to pick up the pieces of glass that I can.

But Iris never left, she just stood there. Doing nothing but I have a feeling that she wants to say something.

” Why are you still here?” I crouched to start clearing up the glass shards.

” Is everything okay? Can I help?” It sounded like she wasn’t sure of the question she just asked.

But it more so sounds like she’s not referring to the glass pieces before me.

She’s been acting all nice and friendly ever since that night that I was brought in home drunk.

I mean, seriously? She brought me a pain reliever?

I know I had said things that day which were…. I don’t know.. absurd, but they were random words.

I’m not your typical kind of drunk. I may act all crazy and do stupid shit when I’m high but I remember every single that happened once I’m back to normal. Though not in detail.

It’s weird and strange but I kinda like it.

And the last thing I remember that day was telling Chance the true story, throwing a fit that sent everyone home. I also remember Chance calling Iris to come get me despite my protests, then seeing Edwa-

Wait!

Chance called Iris to come get me but I never saw Iris. Only Edward came to the bathroom to soothe me.

And then I heard people talking downstairs. I asked Edward who they were and he simply told me Chance was on a phone call. Edward probably said that cause he knew I wasn’t in best of terms with Iris.

But then again he lied!

Chance was talking with Iris and after that day Iris’s behavior towards me changed.

If my analysis right now proves to be correct, I’m going to behead Mr Milton.

” Mr McConnell? Are you okay?” Her voice was nearer, indicating she was closer to me than before.

That’s the last proof I need.

Chance freaking told her.

” Iris what did Chance tell you?”

I heard her breath cease. I was fucking right.

” Uhm.. nothing. Why do you ask?”

Oh Iris, this is the worst time to try and play smart with me.

I stood up from my crouched position and turned predatively to my right.

” I’m going to ask you again and this time, try not to test me. What- did- Chance- tell- you?” Laying emphasis on every goddamn word.

My patience is wearing out.

” He didn’t-” I never let her finish because I know she’s going to lie again.

” STOP WITH THE STUPID LIES AND TELL ME THE TRUTH! WHAT DID CHANCE TELL YOU!!?” I snapped.

She flinched and jumped a step back then avoided my eyes by looking down.

” He- He… I know about the debt”

God, Chance!!

” He freaking told you!? The day I finally decided to tell him the truth, he promised to be silent but freaking told you!?”. I was climbing the ladder of anger. I should be on the step of furious.

” Don’t blame him. I’m glad he did!” She courageously said while looking me in the eye this time.

A very dry chuckle escaped me when all I want to do right now is break every bloody thing in this office.

” You’re glad he did? Why? Because you finally got to see the guy who bullied you back in your school days miserable?” My words came out bitterly and I prayed she read it that way.

” I have a feeling that you didn’t hit me cause you wanted to”This content belongs to Nô/velDra/ma.Org .

What!??

” Watch your mouth Jules, I’m not in a state to guarantee you safety”

” What is so bad in him telling me your true reasons behind your deal with Mr Reid?”

” Because you weren’t supposed to know!”

” I’m your fucking secretary!”

” Do you think I care!?”

” The deal is affecting my relationship with Mason!”

” The deal is doing nothing to your affair. I never disturbed you guys again, did I!?”

We were in a shout marathon and none of us seems tired yet.

” Hunter those guys are going to kill you if you do nothing!”

She called me Hunter?

” Isn’t that what you wanted? To be rid of me? Well it’s going to happen pretty soon.”

” It was what I wanted before I knew you did things you didn’t want to!”

I actually laughed. I laughed so hard that I clutched my stomach because it hurt.

I took menacing steps towards her and she backed away.

Good girl.

” I hit you back then because I wanted to-”

” That’s a l-”

” Don’t! Don’t interrupt me!”

More steps and she was almost against the wall.

” I hit you cause it made me happy. Your scars were my pride. I loved watching you break into pieces bit by bit because my soul demanded it. And I’ll do it all over again if you don’t leave right now!”

” It’s not t-true”

I know that quiver. It was one that I bathed in years ago. The look on her face relapsed back to an expression I never thought I could get from Iris ever again.

She was scared.

” Iris I said LEAVE!” My emphasis on the last part was too loud to have been overlooked.

” I want to help you!” Her eyes were glistening but even though her body was trembling, her eyes were showing that she isn’t backing down.

” Help me by getting the hell out!” My steps towards her increased pace and she returns the motion by moving away faster.

” I’m not going any fucking where!”

” JULES FOR THE DAMN FUCKING LAST TIME IN THE WHOLE CARNATION” I had her cornered.

She had hit the wall and I used my two arms to cage her in. I looked in her eyes to convey my message with every vigor in me.

” LEAVE!!!!” she jumped away to no use and used her two arms to cover her face.

Her body was shivering and she had a stream of tears running down her face.

This was the Iris I wanted to see years ago. This was the way I wanted Iris to tremble whenever she thought of me.

But right now. I don’t know if I wanted this.

She slowly dropped her arms from her face and gazed at me when she realized I wasn’t seething with anger anymore.

A few seconds passed of her looking at me with a tear streaked face.

Then she said something I wasn’t expecting.

” N-No!” Her voice wavered but her eyes still held hurt.

Hurt and determination.

My angry furrowed brows loosened and turned to one of confusion.

She’s still refusing to leave? Even after this?

I just watched her entire face for something, just something to prove to me that she’s lying. That she doesn’t mean what she just said.

But then she gave me an answer.

She slowly wrapped her arms around me and placed her head on my chest as she sobbed so lightly.

” I-I’m not l-leaving” her muffled voice reached my ear and I was still in the greatest shock of my life.

She held on to my shirt so tightly and was chanting words to herself.

I won’t leave. I need peace for once.

If she really needed peace, why is she trying to keep me alive?

I’m the cause of her troubles yet she wants me here. Despite all I did to her? She’s willing to save me?

I feel the tears building up in my eyes but I won’t let them out.

” Why?” I asked her. Now it’s time for my own voice to quiver.

I just need to know why.

She raised her head from my chest and found my eyes.

Her red tear stung eyes were conveying messages that I could not understand, but I could clearly read one thing.

She’s still hurt by the things I’ve done to her.

I felt my very dark soul crack in sorrow. I had broken this girl when she did nothing to me.

” B-Because no one d-deserves to suffer”

Then my cracked soul shattered.

She never deserved to suffer. Iris had a golden heart but I dimmed it for nothing.

I didn’t want to but I couldn’t just help it. I wasn’t in control of myself and I destroyed a pure soul.

I pulled away from her and took a few steps backwards. I could feel the tears threatening to burst out.

” Hunt-” her tiny voice called to me with confusion evident on her face.

” Just leave” I said in a calm tone and tried to turn away but she spoke again.

” Hunter don’t tell me to leave.. I won’t-”

” Iris please. Please leave. Please” I begged and the unexpected happened.

I started crying in front of her but that didn’t help her waterworks as she cried and ran out the door.

__________________________

You can listen to the song from this part. Or rather imagine the song here. ?

Iris p. o. v.

I had been crying since I got back home and I got everyone very worried but I asked to be left alone.

So whoever is knocking on my door should better be someone with another stack of tissues.

I sniffed and stood up from the bed with a light headache and stuffy nose to answer the door and there Jenny stood without a box of tissues.

” Jules, I think Mr Hunter wants to see you”

” You think?”

She sighed and carried on. ” He just came home and the first thing he asked is where’s Iris”

I looked to the clock and it was half past eleven. God I hope Louisa’s at sleep.

” Why can’t he come look for me?” I wasn’t going to try anymore. I give up on him.

” Uhm- he really isn’t in the best condition”

I raised a brow in confusion.

” Please just go see him” she pleaded with me and I sighed before walking out of my room and up the stairs but she didn’t follow me.

I got to his door and met it wide open so I stepped in and met Hunter sprawled out on the bed.

” Arrgh.. where’s Iriiiiis?” His words slurred

He’s drunk again?

” I’m h-here” I answered and stood far away from him as possible.

“Oh” he said and laughed ” Iris you’re not supposed to be here. You’re meant to hate me”

A hiccup following his speech.

I didn’t answer him, cause I felt he wanted to say a lot.

” Iris I’ve hit you, I’ve hurt you, I raped you then I told you to terminate the baby. I-Iris you should hate me”

His words came out pained and almost unclear like he was holding back tears.

” You were that cute and smart new girl that took everyone’s attention away from the rich kid back when you enrolled in our school, I think that was the reason I started picking on you. Cause you stole my spotlight” he chuckled dryly and continued.

” Spotlight” he scoffed ” like I had any. I was just illuminated with my parents own light. But then I picked on you cause back then, I felt like it was the only way to revenge for it”

More hiccups.

” I wanted to stop. I knew I needed to stop but I couldn’t. In fifth grade, I got involved in something that scarred me for life” more laughter ” you know. Chance already told you”

At first I found it hard to believe he dealt with drugs but he started from fifth grade?

” It made me feel on top of the fucking world Iris. I felt like king. It made me feel that I got my respect from people by hitting you”

What?

” It made me believe that the more pain I caused to you, the more people could see I was capable of doing and that was the only way I could be in control. So I did it. And it felt so damn good. It felt better than right”

I felt a tear drop from my eyes again as I listened to a confession I long wanted to hear.

” I fed on your tears, basked in your whimpers, lavished your pain. It was like every scar you had on your body soothed an ache I needed gone. And when I see you healing, I’d replace them or put new ones cause I felt I needed it. Like a god needs loyal subjects, I needed you to tremble whenever you called my name. It made me feel amazing” he was crying again.

From where I stood, I saw liquid ride down the side of his face.

” But I only broke you” he sobbed. ” I only destroyed your innocent soul. And if that wasn’t enough, I raped you. I remember that night very well. I was the test monkey for Soldo’s latest crack combo, to know if it can get people high enough. Oh! And it worked, it got me so high that I felt I was walking on my head. I knew it’s heavy effect when I raped you and walked away without looking back. I felt his drug was a success but I couldn’t get a chance to market it for him cause my dad caught me with seventy billion dollars worth of it”

He used a hand that was poorly coordinated to wipe his face but only managed to clean only a little bit of his tears.

” He destroyed it and put me under close watch, but I still had my ways. Now I’ve finally been caught. I’ve been given an ultimatum and you expect me to let you help me? Iris, I may have been heartless but I will never let you do something stupid”

Then I spoke.

” It’s not stupid”

” Argue all you want. It is stupid. Not only did I do all those things to you but when you told me you were pregnant I told you to abort it. To get rid of it but you didn’t and after some months I heard you lost the baby. At first I was shocked that you had even kept it”

He started to sob at this point and I cried as well.

” My mom used to tell me that when her sister lost her baby, she’d see him in her dreams. She’d carry him and play with him. She’d make him laugh and tell him how much she loved him. Do you see the baby?”

My heart clenched because I did. Infact I saw him more often in my recent dreams.

When I didn’t give a reply, he continued.

” If you ever do, tell him or her that I’m sorry. That I was so stupid to ever do what I did. Tell ’em that they should forgive me so I may have peace in the afterlife”

” Hunter you aren’t dying!” I screamed at him.

He laughed again but it only pained my heart.

” Why shouldn’t I? What else am I living for? Iris I ruined your chance to finish schooling. You never went to a university, then fate brings you my way once more for what else if not to see how I wasted my life in the past”

” You didn’t waste your life” I didn’t know when I started pacing to the bed slowly.

” I only pray to God that I didn’t. I have nothing else to live for. I’d rather be anywhere but here, I swear anywhere else. All I can do right now is cry cause I’m helpless. My dad will find out and disown me, collect the company then I’ll rot in jail. I’m already a dead man”

” We’ll find a way” I tried to calm him but I needed to believe my own words.

” Don’t you get it? I don’t want to find a way Iris. All I need right now is for you to forgive me so I can die a happy man. But first, It’s been killing me for years to know, was my kid a boy or a girl?”

” A boy” I bit my bottom lip to swallow my tears but they are insistent on flowing.

” Goddd!!!…. I killed my own son!. I’m a beast!!” He broke down finally into a full blown cry.

” Iris I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry!. If I was given an opportunity to make it up to you I will do it over and over again. I’m sorry for the days I hit you, I’m sorry for the days I made your beautiful eyes she’d tears, I’m sorry for the times I put marks on your beautiful skin . Even after all the wounds you were still beautiful. You’re still beautiful both inside and out. Don’t believe anything I ever told you, Don’t let anyone make you think less of your self like I did. Iris you’re gold and if given the chance to apologise to you for the rest of my life I’ll take it, but believe me when I say I don’t have much time. But please just please, I’m begging you to accept my apologies. Iris I’m sorry”

That’s it.

That’s what I waited for so many years to hear.

To hear him acknowledge his sins and apologize.

But I never wanted it to come out like a dying wish.

” Iris do you forgive me?” He was still crying and so am I.

I ran to the bed to embrace him in a warm hug. I think I needed it more than he did.

I sat on his bed and held his head to my chest as the both of us sobbed away.

” Iris I’m so sorry. I swear I am” he gripped me tighter and cried into my heart.

” I forgive you” I managed to blurt out.

” Thank you Iris. Thank you so much”

And all I remember was staying in that position till we slept off and I swear this is the first time in a forever that I’m sleeping without a load in my heart.

Finally.