Love Aint Always Pretty

Chapter 33: 33 Aspectabund

Aspectabund

- being able to let expressive emotion show easily through one a face and eyes

Origin: English

3:30 AM

Nick and I were still playing by the shore of this beach where he took me. There weren't much people around since it was already getting late. He was giving me a piggyback ride while he kept spinning himself around and around until both of us fell on the sand. My butt was hurting but we were both laughing.

We weren't drunk and we didn't drink. I think this was the side effects of showering together and eating pizza and ice cream. I think this was definitely caused by the ice cream. It was strawberry, he said it was his favorite. Unusual favorite flavor of an ice cream for a frat guy like him.

I wonder if Catherine likes strawberry flavored ice cream too.

We haven't had sleep yet and I think when we're together we don't need sleep at all cos even though I am with him, all these time that I'm spending with Nick is still not enough for me. It feels like I wanna stop the hand of the clock, I wanna freeze time when I'm with him so I could just spend my time with him and not worrying about stopping this.

He laughs louder after I fell on the sand, it was his natural laugh and I love hearing his laugh, how adorable he looks when he holds his stomach and pulls his head back.

"You did that on purpose." I said while dusting off the sand sticking on my butt.

"I didn't mean it. Really. Im sorry." he helps me stand.

Both of us are now standing, facing each other while he's brushing his thumb against my cheek and I am falling more and more in love with Nick even though Im not allowed to. Im falling more in love with him even though I know this thing leads to nowhere. Im going to keep what I feel to myself even though it will hurt me so bad but at least I spent a very unforgettable time with him.

He helps me dust off the sands on my thigh and he kissed my neck briefly. I cupped his cheek then tiptoed to kiss his lips. These little actions we do, makes me feel like he's mine and I'm his. We were acting boyfriend and girlfriend, like we own each other but to be honest, we dont. In other people's eyes, we look like we are together but we're not and the saddest party is that I want it to be real.

The thing I love about Nick is that he doesn't make me feel like he's only after me cos of sex. He makes me feel special at least he doesn't just use me now and dispose me today, he doesn't call me just cos he wants sex, but he actually hangs out with me after.

"I think we need to sleep." I say as I yawned.

He pushes my hair off my face, "Okay. Let's sleep on the truck bed."

I nod.

Both of us headed to his pick-up while he helps me up to the trunk bed of his car then he grabs a comforter that he has been having since a while ago. He gave it to me while I helped him lay it down. He climbs up and joins me. He opens the trunk and we lay down side by side. We were just casually lying, not that touchy or intimate. Just simply lying down. There were not much stars anymore and I was terribly sleepy as hell.

"I had fun tonight Nick." I say.

"Me too."

I turn to my side to take a good look at him.He looks at me from his peripheral view, "Are you going to watch me sleep?"

I smiled. "Why not? A view like that would be nice."

He quickly shifts to his side and faced me too then he kissed my forehead. "Get to sleep now."

We just stared at each other quietly. The way his blue eyes looks at me, makes me want to confess to him that I love him but I cant tell him. It will ruin us. It will ruin what I have with him.

"You're not falling in love with me, right?" he asked seriously.

My heart skipped a fucking beat.

I just dont know what to say to him. I want to tell him the truth but Im too scared to speak. I want to let him know about how my heart feels when he's around or when we make love, when we kiss, when we hug, when we're together and when he's being cuddly and playful when we're alone, when he steals kisses from me, but Im too scared to face the consequences if I'll tell him the truth.

Im not falling for you Nick. I already fell.

I smiled ruefully, "You think Im gonna fall for you? Never." I lied.

He just looked at me even longer and both of us didn't speak. His face seemed a little displeased with what I said or maybe Im just telling myself he's hurt and Im expecting him that he won't like what I said, but then he just pinched the tip of my nose.

"Good because.." he trailed off.

I think my poor heart doesn't want to hear the words he's left to say.

"I don't want you to fall for me either. Im not gonna catch you." he continued.

I sigh inwardly. My heart is hurting so bad that I just wanna run away and scream my lungs out, but don't cry Savannah. Not in front of Nick.

Don't cry.

Im not gonna catch you.

Im not gonna catch you.

Im not gonna catch you.

Dont cry Savannah.

•••••

Waking up as the sunlight hits my face, the sound of birds sweetly chirping and the seabreeze was just beautiful to my ears. My eyes were still close, as I listen to the sounds of the waves hitting the shore. I slowly open my eyes and found myself lying down on Nick's chest while his arm was wrapping around me, making sure I was close to him. I didn't know we fell asleep like this. I wonder how I ended up on too of his chest. I noticed that there were already a few people here at the beach and some were looking over Nick's car. My back was a little bit aching even though there was a comforter.

I make a soft moan and I feel Nick waking up too. Shit, I woke him up?

He opens his eyes and looked down at me. He smiled groggily, "Had a good sleep?"

I nod, even though my back was hurting. I pulled myself up and sat down as I stretch my arms out then I feel him sitting down too. I gaze at my watch, it was already eight in the morning. I watch him pull the

edges of the comforter and covered us with it. I softly giggled, it was cute though. He steals a kiss on my lips and I smiled at him.

"I almost forgot to say good morning." he say with a smile.

"Morning." I answer back.

Both of just watch the shore while kids were playing on the sand. I rested my head on his shoulder and as I watch the sky, I thought about Catherine again. I don't know why she popped out of my head first thing in the morning, maybe because, I always know that every good thing that happens to me and nick, badluck follows. Im not saying Catherine is a badluck or bringing badluck, but Im just thinking it'll ruin what I have with Nick if ever she pops out of nowhere.

I want to ask him about Catherine and what happened to the both of them. I wanna ask him if they are still together. I am really curious about her eversince the first night I found Nick drunk by my doorway. I feel so desperate for answers that Im never gonna find out cos I know Nick, Tracy and Alec wont tell me.

"Cos I don't want you to fall for me."

"Im not gonna catch you."

Those words are still chanting on my head. I still hear his voice. I still remember how he said it. I still remember how he looked at me when he said it. Those words from last night totally crushed me. It broke me apart in thousands of pieces.

When we decided to finally go, I was just quiet the entire drive to the diner. We had breakfast and I cant believe I spent the entire night with Nick like that. Im happy about what happened last night because it somewhat felt like forever but on the back of my head a voice always tells me not to be happy about it

cos Im ust gonna get broken hearted once it'll end. Just like how he said it, he just showed to me that he's not gonna fall for me. He's not gonna catch me.

It's like Im falling...

falling...

falling...

still falling...

and floating mid air...

hoping for him to catch me...

wishing for his arms to extend and catch me...

But then in a second... BOOM.

I crashed to the ground. Shattered.

"You've been insanely quiet." he says.

I pulled my head up then placed honey on my pancake. "I am?"

"Yeah. What's wrong?"

I just stared at him and started slicing on my food, "What do you think will happen to us in the future Nick? I mean, after this."

He was also looking back at me. It seemed like his eyes were fishing for answers into my eyes.

"I don't know." he admits.

He looks down on his food. "All Im sure is that this isn't gonna last long."

Ouch.

"Im sure we're gonna get tired of this. One of us will with whatever this is. There's no future to this kind of relationship." He laughs softly.

"This isn't even a relationship cos we promised we don't have a commitment towards each other. This will just end Savannah. I don't know when but one of us will eventually end it." he said to me.

I bit my lip hard, choking a sob and feeling a pit of churning in my stomach. I take a deep breath in.

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

He pulled his head up to me, "It's just like we're playing a game Savannah. If you fall in love with me, you will lose."

I already lost Nick.

"Will you want to end it?" I asked, my voice a little shaky, as I try not to cry.

Nick looks at me seriously.

"Whatever this is that we have? Will you want to end it?" I added.

"Not this early. I'm still having fun. Aren't you?" He arched his eyebrow.

I just smiled ruefully. "Very much."

He smiled back.

"Savannah?" A voice from in front of me called out my name.

I moved my head to this tall and buff with tousled brown haired man who stood right before me. My jaws dropped and I literally jumped off my seat and hugged him. He hugged me back as well and I was just happy seeing him here. It was so unexpected to see him around. I gazed at Nick who was just looking at us. I pulled myself away and he cupped my cheeks as I as smiling at him.

"I didn't know I'd see you here." He says.

"I should be the one telling you that." I chimed loudly.

He gazed at Nick. "You're with someone?"

"Oh." I snapped. "Right. Uhh, I want you to meet Nick, he's my friend."

"Hey man." He extended his hand to Nick and he accepted it.

"Nick I want you to meet Channing..." I trailed off.

I gazed at Channing. "My ex boyfriend."

Nick moved his eyes to me and I think I forgot to tell him that I'm still friends with my ex boyfriend who got my virginity. "Why won't you join us Channing?" I offered.

"I would love to." Channing gestured me back to my seat and he sat down right beside me.

He ordered himself pancakes as well and I remember how we made them for the first time at his place and it was an epic fail. Channing Collier, my QB when we were in high school, was around the city. After our breakup, we decided to remain friends. I was the one who actually broke up with him cos I was going to college and I wanted to focus on my studies and I told him that it wasn't working out anymore if we'd remain as lovers. He was thinking about the same thing as well that's why we decided

to be friends. He's the second guy who I'm closest to after Kurt even though Channing is a big ass jerk sometimes, at least to me he's sweet, thoughtful and caring.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you suppose to be in Ohio State University?" I asked him.

"I just thought of visiting you and I'm glad to find you here Annie." He said to me.

I smiled at Channing. "It's been a long while since the last time we hang out with each other."

He nods.

"Yeah. The last one was probably a month ago, Trent's party where Georgina forced you to come along." Channing pointed out.

I laughed. "Oh god, yeah. And we escaped that party cos I was getting bored."

Channing smiled back at me. "I missed those days."

I nod, "I missed it too."

"We should hang out again. Just you and me." Channing says.

I feel Nick staring at me like a death stare.

"Oh, yeah." I answered awkwardly. I don't know why Nick is looking at me like that. Are we making him feel out of place? Think of something Savannah. Get Nick involve in your conversation.

"Do you play football Nick?" I asked.

Nick just stared at me with no answer.

"Well Channing here is the QB back when we were in high school. How about you guys play some other time?" I chimed as I gaze at Channing.

Channing nods. "That would be cool. Does he go to WSU too?"

"Yeah." I answered, I just don't know what he's taking up.

"I heard the Cougars got game. Buckeyes would definitely want to have a friendly game with your guys." Channing says, being boastful again.

Channing has the right to be boastful about it cos he is undeniably the best when it comes to football. He'd always bring our team back in high school to back to back championship games. His teammates would praise him cos he was always the reason why our team would always win. I still remember that a lot of universities offered Channing to play for their team and offered him football scholarship but he chose Ohio State cos it's where their bloodline of men from their family played for championships.

"I don't play football." Nick spit.

"Oh. I thought you belonged to the team, you looked qualified." Channing said.

Nick gazed at me before looking down on his plate.

"So Annie, are you up for tonight?" Channing asked me.

I turned my head to him, "Huh? Where are we gonna go?"

"The usual." Channing says after drinking his juice.

I gaped. "Don't tell me it's--"

Channing nods.

"Yes! Oh my gosh yes." I chimed excitedly. I know where Channing is talking about. I glanced at Nick and he was just sitting down quietly. "Uhhh, you wanna go with us Nick?" I offered.

"Nah, I think both of you need some time alone." Nick answered.

I stared at Nick's eyes and he just looked at me intently.

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