In My Mind In His World

I wasn’t sure if it was because of the effects of the tonic he took, but Nicholas seemed particularly eager tonight.

I used all my strength to resist him. In the end, I finally managed to stop him by punching him in the chin.

Nicholas clutched his chin as his lips curled back in anger. Did you do that on purpose?”

I swore I didn’t do it on purpose, but there was no taking it back since I hit him. He couldn’t possibly hit me back to make things even.

Nicholas stood up. He was seething with anger. He threatened, “Don’t expect me to touch you again.”NôvelD(ram)a.ôrg owns this content.

Suddenly, a knock was heard on the door. In the midst of our standoff, the loud sound interrupted the escalating

awkwardness in the room. Claudia’s sweet voice came from outside the door, “Nick!”

I pulled my nightgown tighter around me and sat up. I pretended to be nonchalant and asked, “Can you not go out?”

His jaw tightened visibly and the lust in his eyes disappeared like the receding tide. “I really don’t understand what you’re so upset about!”

The knocking continued outside as Claudia called out coquettishly, “Nick, are you asleep? Nick?”

Nicholas glanced at me and barked an order, “Don’t go to sleep

until I get back.”

When he left, I got out of bed and locked the door behind him. I didn’t need him to come back.

The night was long. I couldn’t sleep alone in the empty room.

I walked over to Nicholas‘ bookshelf as I was hoping to find a book that could make me feel drowsy and go to sleep. To my surprise, I found a yellowed notebook tucked in between the books on the shelf.

My eyes were glued to Nicholas every time I came to Hawk Manor. I never had a chance to notice anything else.

This book couldn’t be called a diary. Instead, it was more like a sketchbook. There were no words inside it. There were just some simple drawings to represent his mood for the day.

There was a baseball with a crying face and the next page was a piano with a smiling expression on it.

Through this notebook, I could see the young Nicholas

diligently practicing at the piano in my mind. I flipped through it page by page.

It was clear that Nicholas‘ father had put a lot of effort into his upbringing. In elite families, our childhoods were practically non–existent. Our time was filled with various extracurricular classes. I was no exception.

Nicholas‘ life was regimented and even his moods showed little change. His dislike for baseball was consistent.

I thought the entire notebook would be uneventful, so I began

skimming quickly. At some point, the black per marks on the pages had turned into colorful watercolor pens.

I flipped back the pages one by one until I landed on a page where Nicholas had drawn a portrait of a little girl.

I paused abruptly as I felt pain welling up within me. This must have been the day Claudia came to the Hawk family.

She must have been even more adorable back then and she must have been more important to Nicholas than I had imagined. After all, she was the one who brought color into Nicholas‘ gloomy childhood.

At that moment, the resentment and hatred in my heart seemed to fade away slightly. It turned out that both Nicholas and I had written diaries in our own ways for the people we liked. I was just a little luckier than him. At least, I married the person I liked.

I once read a passage in a book that said love and death were separated by a fine line. The happiest and most unfortunate love both required death to the self.

That night, I dreamed of many things from my childhood. I tried to look for myself in a dream where Nicholas met Claudia for the first time.

I seemed to be caught in an unending cycle between life and death. When I woke up from the dream, I realized that no matter how much I struggled, it was all in vain.

Daylight broke, but the side of the bed next to me was cold and empty. Nicholas‘ rosary beads were left lying on the bedside

table.

After washing up, I discovered a key inserted into the keyhole of the door. This meant that Nicholas could have returned to the bedroom last night, but he chose not to.