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Thea

Today, Florentine had gone to get the result of the ultrasound. I had prayed with all my heart these two days to have nothing but good news but I couldn’t help being scared of the worst.Content from NôvelDr(a)ma.Org.

I had not touched a thing since the day I collapsed, I knew it was Angel’s doing and even though we had an encounter back then at the clinic, the hurt and regret he expressed to me that day meant nothing to me and I could never forgive him if anything happened to our baby.

I had not seen Angel since that day as well, it seemed he was respecting my decision and staying away. He didn’t know about our child yet, it was just a secret I shared with the girls and Knight now.

Cassie and Camilo had not come visit either because I had asked Florentine to keep them away, I couldn’t face them, all they did was support me and I hid such big secret from them.

My patience was running out as I waited for Florentine, I had called several times but she wouldn’t pick up. Out of curiosity I went into the bathroom to check myself again for the fourth time that morning and I still had light bleeding. A tearful gasp left my throat as my heart began to beat frantically from worry. I wasn’t going to sit around here and wait for someone to walk through that door to give me answers to my question.

I opened the door and my eyes fell on a pair of flat shoes, I trailed up to meet Florentine’s gaze, she looked a little surprised then worry claded her face.

“What are you doing Thea, you should go back in.” She said dragging me by the hand but I slipped it away from her.

“What happened? where is the result? What does it say?” I asked feeling desperate.

“Let’s go in first.” She answered with sadness clading her voice. Her eyes were full of regret and it made me assume what I dreaded the most. I felt tears welling up my eyes, my breath was heavy and I felt my chest constrict in pain.

“What about my baby?”

“You’ll be fine Thea let’s talk inside.” She said but that didn’t answer my question.

“Florentine…?” I whispered, pleading with my eyes as well. I wanted nothing but to hear that my baby was fine. She held my hands and I saw hers shaking over them.

“I promise you Thea everything will be fine.”

“No! I didn’t ask about me, I want to know if my baby is okay or not!” I yelled dragging my hand away from her again.

“Thea, you need to calm down. I’ll answer your questions once you’re settled.” Her eyes were pleading but the moment I saw tears glisten in her eyes my heart shattered.

“No, no, you’re lying Florentine… No, no, no, no, no…. No! It can’t be. Tell me it’s not true. It’s inside here right?” I burst out in tears. Florentine was never good at lying, it wouldn’t take her a second to tell me my baby was fine if it was but here she was doing everything to avoid my question.

I felt my chest tighten more from unimaginable pain. I held my belly pleading inwardly that my baby was somehow miraculously in there. I couldn’t afford to lose the only one that gave me comfort throughout my hard times. It was the only reason I kept pushing despite all my pain from what it’s father had done to me.

“Say something Florentine… Please. I can’t bear it, tell me I didn’t lose it.” I pleaded desperately while I soaked in my own tears. I held her arms shaking her but she remained silent while tears fell off her eyes. I was horrified by her reaction.

“Please say something.”

“I-I….”

“Why can’t you say it? Tell me my baby is still inside me, please, I beg you.” At this time I was curling on the floor after reading the answer from her expression. Florentine leaned down and held me in her arms tightly but I was inconsolable. Nothing could get rid of this pain in my heart.

“I’m sorry Thea….” She cried. “There was nothing I could do. We couldn’t save it.”

Hearing those words from her completely broke me and I let out a rasped cry, that cracked out through my throat. It was a raw expression of the pain that engulfed my heart.

There was a longing mixed with guilt and regret that ravaged me now as I thought of all the different ways I could have stopped this from happening.

My only source of happiness was gone and it destroyed me.

“It’s all my fault! I shouldn’t have stressed my body beyond limit and I shouldn’t have gone to his room with you. It’s all my fault Florentine!” I cried my heart out hitting my chest like it would help reduce the pain that ravaged it.

“You can’t just blame yourself Thea. I am guilty as much. If only I had told Angel earlier, if only I had taken the risk to tell him you were having his child. I’m so sorry Thea, I let you suffer… I’m so sorry.” She cried as much still holding me in her arms.

Words could not express my pain as I let my tears fall, it was all too real, too raw and too cruel. All this had happened all because I fell for the wrong man. I couldn’t protect my child all because I was too afraid for what he’d do to it if he found out but even my fear wasn’t enough to protect it because in the process I had lost my baby. I had myself to blame, I failed as a mother and I hated it’s father.

______

I sat on the bed, drained of the life I had held unto. The hope I had so guarded with my heart was taken away from me. A line of tear streamed down my cheek. I felt empty and lonely. More tears fell, I had been crying since I heard the news. I didn’t know when it’d stop or if it’d ever stop.

I wanted my baby back more than anything.

‘Just come back. I swear I’ll protect you’

I begged within but I knew it was never happening, a hard truth to accept.

“Thea….” I slowly turned to my left to see Cassie’s reddened eyes. Camilo sat beside her and they had shared in my pain as well. They were both there when I lost it, I knew there presence wouldn’t relieve an ounce of the pain but I was glad they were here. They were like my sisters.

I could see how sorry they felt for me and it only caused me to tear up more.

“Thea…. Camilo called, her tears falling off as well. Cassie stood up, turning her back against me. I could see her wiping her tears and muffling her cries with one palm. I felt guilty.

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way Cassie.” I apologized, she was supposed to be an aunty.

“No, you shouldn’t be sorry Thea.” She said coming to seat beside me again. “You were only trying to protect your baby, so you should never be sorry. I can never blame you, never okay?” She said and I nodded. She pulled me into her arms and hugged me while I reciprocated rubbing her back as well. “… but it only makes me hate my brother.” She whispered, my chest squeezed but it was because of the hate I felt for Angel in my heart. He had planned this, probably to make me jealous, it worked and it cost me our child.

We pulled away from the hug and Cassie wiped my tears with her thumb.

“… And I hate myself more for not doing anything about your situation. I could have stood up to Angel.” She said, her voice laced with regret.

“There wasn’t much you could do Cassie and there isn’t much we can do now. I’m sorry I took away your chance of being an Auntie.” I said. I should have told her at least but I knew she’d never stay put like Florentine, she would have stood up to Angel but it would have cost me nothing but his fury. What did it matter now? I lost the one thing I was trying to protect.

“Don’t apologize Thea, you’ve been through so much to put the blame on yourself. I won’t let you do that. I’m just glad you’re okay.” She said stroking my hair. It was nice to hear those words from her because I wasn’t just in pain of losing my baby, the guilt I felt only deepened the wounds.

Florentine came to stand beside me as well, she had been staying silent at a corner all this while. She held Cassie by the shoulder gently while Cassie placed her hand above hers.

“I know it’s hard for you Cassie, it’s hard for all of us especially Thea but can we all keep it a secret from Angel?” Thea doesn’t want that.” She said and I nodded. I had said this earlier before the girls came into my room. There was no point telling Angel now and I didn’t want to face whatever reaction he would have. I simply didn’t care, he didn’t deserve to know he would have been a father.

“Please….” I pleaded as well, my eyes trailing from Cassie to Camilo.

“I won’t tell Caspian either.” Camilo said assuring me and I nodded feeling grateful.”

“Cassie?” I called seeing it didn’t sit well with her.

“This isn’t right.” She said moving away. “Angel should know that he’s the reason his very first child did not live.” She said almost yelling, I could feel her anger but I was angry as well.

“I know this is hard for you Cassie but it’s harder for me. I had it growing inside me and knowing it’s no longer in here, it destroys me. It was my comfort so please don’t tell Angel.”

I pleaded. I needed time to grieve and I needed to do it alone. She sighed deeply and took a while to contemplate. I knew it itched her to break the news to Angel and probably appeal to his conscience but her brother had a dead conscience so what was the point?

“It’s fine Thea, you’re what’s important now. I’m just glad you’re okay. I’ll keep my mouth shut but take it from me I won’t let Angel off the leash.” That I could agree to because he deserved double the pain he caused me.