His Kindhearted Wife ( ENGLISH VERSION )

It’s been three months since I last saw them. Since Blaze banned me, I left Bulacan. I smashed my cellphone and threw it away so they couldn’t trace it. I took a public vehicle, took a bus and hollah! I am in Cagayan where the bus was taken me. Here, I rented a simple shack by the sea.

I moved away because first, my life in Bulacan was meaningless. There is no fun and no life. I feel like I have no value there so I chose to take a different path. Far from them, far from the trouble, the pain, and the karma of my foolishness. It’s better like this. You can’t hurt, you don’t get hurt. Alone, free.

I am an easy person so I can keep up with this life. We used to camp with troops before, we went on adventures, and sometimes I went on medical missions. This is just a survival game for me. Easy to undertake.

I went fishing once and I also made friends. All the work for myself I do. I also did not withdraw money and preferred to live simply. A simple shack with a pallet that fits one person. There is a small table and a chair. That’s how simple my life is now.

Maybe destiny let me land here. Because if I find myself in a city surrounded by bars. Aside from the fact that I was drunk every night, I was probably dry on horseback every night with different women. That’s why I don’t know how to avoid temptation and nonsense. My shallow person when it comes to happiness and the call of the flesh—- except when Margot tells me not to. I fold immediately.Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

Margot —- how is she? Has she moved on? Is she happy now or is she still blaming me for losing Umami? If Margot hadn’t heard what I was saying, Umami and I would have been happy. I’m coming home from work because I know my two Umami are waiting.

It’s been more than three months since that happened. It’s not that painful anymore but my guilt is still there. My anger at myself for losing my child and the destruction of our family is still there. Every day, every night everything still comes back to my mind and there is a chance that I just cry all of a sudden.

Sad because there is no sympathy. Sad because there is no family. In my whole life now I have only felt this kind of sadness of losing. This kind of bereavement. I also lost a loved one — daddy. But it happened more painfully today than losing my daddy. I really want to call daddy and Umami so they can take me wherever they are now. It’s different when it comes to wife and child.

It still hurts because no one understands me. Because they always think of me as slow, selfish, childish, immature, and claimed, they feel like I’m a rock. There is no feeling and what is happening is ok with me. All I know is pure enjoyment. Why? who doesn’t want enjoyment? who doesn’t want to be happy? crazy people laughing alone for them to happy. How about more to normal people? But I didn’t want to be hurt anymore so better I will leave them.

It just hurts me thinking that I thought my friend is with me. I also don’t blame them because they think I’m childish which is true but I hope they think even though I’m childish I have a feeling. A child when scolded hurts. I still can.

But somehow, I still think of them. How are they doing right now? Dane and mommy, I hope they are ok. Maybe none of them died while I was away. They are bad weeds. Except for Mommy of course. I hope they are all ok.

I called Mommy before smashing my cellphone and saying I was going to get away and I was ok. I got her support so I knew that if she was worried about me it was just mild.

I raised my hand as I looked at Margot and me’s wedding ring. Even at times when I thought I loved Brianna more than her, I didn’t take it off. Brianna teases me when we have sex but I scold her and say I’m losing my appetite so she doesn’t push.

How is she doing? I hope she is happy now. It was wrong for me to tie her to me even though I knew Brianna didn’t love me like she used to. If she comes back to me, it’s because I’m filling her need in bed.

Maybe if Margot had teased me then and said she already knew about Brianna and me I would have stopped Bree. Because if Margot let me choose over the two of them, I won’t hesitate to choose her. That’s why I was encouraged because she didn’t restrict me. She let me be free. But I knew in my heart that of the two of them it was Margot I could not let go of.

I don’t blame her because I know I’m guilty and if I want to control myself I can. But at that time I was in confusion. Because I saw Brianna and I found out her marriage was not successful. I blamed myself for what happened to her because of what I did and I thought I was responsible for her failure in her love life.

I was the first to break her heart so I thought I was in charge of the outcome of her love life. Margot, I couldn’t tell myself how I really felt about her but I could fight her against anyone. Only Margot can tame me. All she said was that I was compliant. Whatever she said, I follow immediately.

So if she hates me I am also angry with her. Because she knew that Brianna and I had an affair but she didn’t fight me. She allows me to make mistakes. I’m not looking for blame to ease my heart. One more thing, I know it’s my karma. I’m just saying why didn’t she confront me? She knew what I was doing was wrong but why did she let me drown in sin? I know that’s no excuse to be a man and I don’t know what I’m doing. That’s a bit of a reason but that’s the truth. Because we’re men, as long as we’re relaxed we don’t care. Maybe not all but most.

We get angry when a woman restricts and dominates us but when we love we fold. Even though we were upset, even though it was thrilling that we had no choice but to follow because we didn’t want to upset the woman we love. We don’t want them to get mad at us. So those who come like me who do not know how to avoid temptation are very careful not to catch the one they love.

Yes, I was wrong. I hurt Margot and it was my fault. But if she scolded me from the beginning, we wouldn’t have reached this point because as I said, men are just lacking in strictness because it’s time for you to relax, it’s like that dog will get away. Then when it has been bitten and hurt, go home to the owner.

But nothing happened. It can’t be changed. I have hurt Margot, Umami is gone and here I am cowardly and hiding. Not knowing how to fix what I did and because I didn’t want to lose Margot forever I chose to run away from her rather than face her.

I’m afraid that when she’s ok and she’s completely recovered and able to move on, she’ll disappear from me forever. So I’d rather just be here away from her. I just hope while away she will forgive me.