Her, To Home

He couldn’t breathe.

God, he couldn’t breathe.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

Did he even need to breathe when right now, right there, he was in the perfection? He was in a time which he could give his soul to stand still. How he wished it would stand still. He has waited to do this for a week, a week of waiting and he forgot why he was not supposed to do this, why he was not supposed to kiss Sara O’Brian.

His lungs were on fire, his lips were blazing from her touch. His heart racing so fast that he was slightly panting. He wanted her closer, he wanted her nearer, she had possessed him, bi-witched him.

He griped her tighter against himself and moved his lips faster. He just wanted to breath her in.

But the moment ended too soon, too fast, Sara pulled away and yet her face was too near, he was going crazy. He still couldn’t breathe.

“Why do you do this to me?” She whispered. He noticed her face, her expressions. She looked tired, exhausted. From what? With what?

“Do what?” He asked without moving an inch away from her. Her eyes on him were burning him, making his heart race.

“Love me and yet leave me.” That was all she could mumble before her eyes dropped and she crashed in his arms.

He stood there, body stilled, staring down at the beautiful girl in his arms. He felt a stab in his heart yet again, why does he love her and then leave her?

This was her question; this was what she wanted to know. She asked one question, the question which held the answer in itself.

Why does he love her and then leave her, she had asked.

He left her because he loves her was his answer.

He has loved her so much that he tortured himself. It was him, he himself punished himself by staying away from her, he has killed his heart while staying away from her. He has lived in hell for two years but yet he asked himself, was it worth it, staying away from her for protecting her? Was it worth it after watching how much it has hurt her, how much it has hurt both of them?

They might have survived; they would have survived without each other but they couldn’t have lived. He has spent two years barely just going on and he have seen what it all have done to her, it showed in her eyes, the tiredness, the pain.

He has punished her along with himself. She wasn’t even sure if he was alive, if he was okay. She needed him and he wasn’t there. Whole her life, he was there like a shadow and when she had needed him the most, he stood watching from afar, controlling the urge to run to her. But he knew, where he was always watching her from last two years, someone was watching him from longer.

Who had his suspicious, who had his doubts about what Sara O’Brian had meant to Dean Lockwood? Someone who wanted, needed to find Dean’s weakness, anything which can make him overpower Dean. Someone who would have played Sara in a game she couldn’t have survived and would have mocked Dean into playing it and he knew, Dean knew, he would have lost without thinking, without consideration because losing for Sara O’Brian was a win itself.

He put her head on his chest and hugged her, breathing in her scent which was driving him crazy. His lips linger on her forehead and then he carefully picked her up in his arms and sat down on the cold floor, waiting for the rain to stop.

He buried his face in the side of her neck, inhaling the breath which surrounded her. How long have he waited to do this again, to rest his head next to her while she was in his arms. He has spent too long with sleeplessness, restlessness. He wasn’t safe, he wasn’t home.

God, how much he wanted to come home.

Spend the night next to her and for one night just sleep without a worry in his head because that how it was, as long as he slept next to her, he felt safe as homes. Her scent around him would wrap him in a comfort blanket. Her head under his arm or against his chest felt like he was in his own haven.

Now, again being able to touch her was like breaking to the surface after being underwater for too long. Finding his breath.

He smiled when he remembers the load of her things, he has borrowed from her room in last two years. He knew she would be absolutely furious to learn that she has not lost those things and he couldn’t wait for her reaction.

The ringing of her cellphone made him frown and he dig into her jeans pocket and pull out her phone. Without looking who it was, he picked up.

“Sara? Where are you, honey? I’m worried sick!”

He recognized Sara’s mothers voice and answered in a rough voice, “She’s with me.”

“Dean?”

“Yes.”

“Thank God, she is safe. Bring her home before nightfall, dear.” Her voice was gentle and yet confident when she stated that her daughter was safe with him. He felt a tightening somewhere in his chest.

His own parents didn’t trust him with anything and here, the woman whose daughter he left like a trash was completely at ease to trust him with her.

“I will.”

With that he hung up but before he could place the phone back, he noticed the three voice messages and two text messages. Without giving a fuck that he was snooping, he opened the messages first and saw the first two were from her mum and other was from June who have asked her where the hell she was and why she was not picking up.

He opened the voice messages next and saw that all were from June. He played the one which came first.

“Did you get home? Call or text me, I’m worried.” June voice came out a little annoyed which made him almost growl. He never liked that girl much.

He played the one which came which came after.

“Where the hell are you? Don’t tell me you are sulking for that asshole or worse, you are with that asshole. Call me!”

This time he was sure she was fuming when she have left this message. He took a deep breath to calm himself, there was something wrong with that girl.

He played the final one.

“Sara, I know you are with him! Kelly saw you get into a car. I told you to stay clear from him, he’s bad news. Call me, we need to talk.”

This time he was sure she was furious because her voice was shaking with anger and his anger deepened. He couldn’t understand why was June acting like this, sure she was like an annoying fly which never left him alone with Sara but she was Sara’s friend, her only constant friend other then himself. Sure, he might hate her because he wanted Sara for himself but Sara liked that kid.

He remembered her as a freak kid who used to sit behind Sara in eighth grade. How he knew that was not rocket science. He kept close watch on Sara, no matter where she was. In time she befriend Sara and before he left she was showing signs of being a goth. Sure she was a little rude but that was still never the actual reason why he hated her. He hated her because soon after she became friends with Sara, Sara became distant from him.

He had became a man-whore for a year when he thought it would help , maybe forget Sara but never have he ever neglected her. He could be in a middle of fuck but if his cell rang Sara’s ringtone, he would drop everything and pick it up. If he ever took her outside, he kept his eyes on her whether he was talking to anyone or not. Hell if he wasn’t around to walk Sara to class, he would always send one of his friends to make sure she was okay. He always bought her lunch since she started school and lunch was their time, no matter what.

Thinking back to those times he suddenly felt guilty, the anger returning but this time it was towards himself. He was a fool to think he could get over Sara O’Brian but he had to try, he had to do something. Times weren’t safe, he knew that if he didn’t get over her, she would be paying with her life and he couldn’t risk that so he sold his virtue for the sake that she would remain safe. Just so the monsters after him would know that she might meant something to him but not enough. So they wouldn’t hurt her to get to him because he knew, she was his only weakness, not his parents, not his sister but Sara O’Brian. She was his only fear but yet, he have been a fool to think that he would get over her.

But the act didn’t last long, he couldn’t stand being away from her, couldn’t stand the hands of some stranger on himself, couldn’t mask his disgust, with himself and any other girl, he couldn’t stand fooling himself that he could get over her when he couldn’t even breath without seeing her at least once a day. He knew he couldn’t buy back his virtue but since then, he couldn’t touch a girl or even look at female. It was enough that he did what he did in hopes that it was right thing to do at a time but he regretted it. He might not a have stopped being there but she remained distant, closed up when she talked to him.

He felt like he disappointed her even though she never implied it or said anything. Her eyes were never judging, never accusing because she was Sara O’Brian, believer of words and deeds, a naïve and innocent girl who couldn’t even recognize the hunger he held for her even if the rest of the world did. Who was so sure that he only saw her as a friend, an old friend. That stupid girl.

Sara phone rang again in his hand and he narrowed his eyes when he saw it was June. His fury returning.

He picked it up and waited.

“Will you ever listen to me? I told you to get over him, he’s no good. I’ve been telling you since I have met you but no, you never liste—”

“So, it was you, huh?” His voice came out ice cold, his hands start shaking and he clutched Sara more tightly.

There was a pause.

“Where the fuck is Sara?” She finally demanded, her voice shaking with fury.

“You do know that if I tell her to never see you again, she will listen to me.” He drawled, removing a strand from Sara’s face. She moved closer to his chest for warmth and his eyes soften and his heart melted.

“She would have listened to you two years ago but not anymore.” June snapped, her voice came out unsure though making Dean smirk in satisfaction.

“Then why is she sleeping in my arms right now?” He taunted, enjoying imagining her furious face.

There was a pause, a long one.

“I have more important things to do then waste my time with you but bear my warning, I won’t stand you talking that way with Sara. It won’t take me much strength to strangle your neck, or much conscious.” He stated in an icy voice which produced a gasp of shock from June.

“Why, yo—” she stared in a shaky but hard voice.

“Save it for someone who gives a fuck! Remember my words, I have killed before for Sara and I will not hesitate to do it again. The stories you have heard about me? They all are just edited versions. I might have stood silently before as you took her away from me but not this time. You do anything to hurt us, I will put a bullet in your head.” He snarled and without waiting for her reply, hung up.

He held Sara tighter and slipped her phone in his jacket. She mumbled something under her breath and he felt a stab in his gut, he have missed her too much.

“I love you, O’Brian.” He whispered as he traced his finger on her cheek. It should have done his ego good when she shivered but it was nothing compare to what he felt when he touched her.

“It’s easier to talk to you when you are looking at me with those piercing eyes of yours, I can’t think straight when you look at me the way you do.” He continued while wanting to kiss her awake but he knew she slept like dead when she crashes, not even cold water will work.

“It’s easier, your moving lips distract me. The nonsense which comes out of your pretty mouth, tempts me to the point I can’t breathe.”

“I don’t care what you say, too long, it’s been too long to survive without you. We have wasted too much time listening to things who had no right between us but no more. I’ll do it the hard way if I do.”

She would be his, her time without him was up and gone, never coming back.

Yes, he was a bastard, an asshole, no good for her, worthless. But fuck what they all say, as long as he got her with him and happy, the world didn’t matter. It has not mattered since she was born.