Her, To Home

What was he expecting? A welcome kiss? Hell no, not even close. A warm hug? Far from it. Even a handshake was taking it to far. So, he had decided he will just try talking to her, take it slow. Apologize, give her something to soften her up. Just take it nice and slow till she actually listens to him. Keep his distance till she is actually comfortable with him again.

Yeah….. that went down the flush the second he laid eyes on her. It was a job well done.

But by God, he couldn’t help it. He didn’t know how he managed to not run to her when he saw her standing in front of her locker, her short dirty blonde hair in a pony, her cheeks flushed from cold, lips in a frown. But her eyes, they were not as he had once seen. They had a certain blankness in them, a cover like she was hiding behind. She had changed, hell she had changed but yet she was just the same, she was his Sara O’Brian.

The second her eyes had met his, he forgot the whole taking slow plan, it went down the drain when her amber eyes met his black ones. His heart betrayed him then and there. He didn’t know how he was walking; his brain had shut down, any other thought went out of the window and all he could see, think and feel was her.

So, he did the most obvious and the stupidest thing he have ever done, he kissed her.

The air left his lungs.

The second he touched her; he was on fire. He forgot his own name. Everything was suddenly surrounded by her smell, he was surrounded by her smell, chocolate and not just plain milk one but the dark one, the bitter sweet one, the one he hated unless it was her. She stilled smelled like dark chocolate and now he knew, she tasted like it as well and it was addicting. The smell of her brought the comfort of home. He was home, finally.

Years of waiting, keeping himself in check and he lost it just like that but he couldn’t blame anyone. It has been very long and hard two years of not been able to touch her. The shadows he watched from were never enough. The black windowed cars were a gold cage to him because even if he could see her, he could never touch or even come close to breathing the same air as her. So, yes. The kiss had meant to do all this, set him on fire, leave him breathless, stop his heart, just like it was supposed to, just like he knew it would.

It took everything in him to pull away, he knew, he could swear that it was the hardest thing he had ever did and traced his hand on her face, a gesture he remembered as much as he did his own name, finally putting his hand on her throat, feeling the racing of her pulse. His eyes noticing everything, her wide eyes, her blushing cheeks, her slightly open mouth which he was dying to kiss, her frozen body, he saw everything. The running pulse under his fingers brought a sense of pride, happiness, the feeling of it racing was his guilty pleasure suddenly.

And the words he spoke were the most honest words be had ever spoken, he was home, he was home to her.

No, she was his home.

What he didn’t expect was her pushing him aside and walking away. Even though he should have expected it because yes, he deserved that.

Before he could follow, June grabbed his arm.

“Not now, June.” He growled as he looked down at the gothic girl. There was something in her eyes that he should have recognized but before he could look clearly, it was gone but he had an idea that whatever it was, he didn’t like it.

“No, now! What the hell was that?” She demanded, her hand tightening.

“I kissed her.” He said quietly and shook her hand off himself roughly like it had burned him.

“I swear Dean…..”

“Later, I need to go.”

Her hand shot out and grabbed arm again before he could take another step.

“Leave her alone, she is better off without you.” Again, there was flash of something in her eyes.

With that, she walked away leaving him standing alone, with stares of half the school, shaking with rage, anger. Like he didn’t know, like he was not around, like he didn’t care.

He knew, he knew everything. He saw it with his own eyes from distance but he had seen. He was always around and he cared, by God he cared. Nobody had the right to tell him any different, nobody had the right to judge him.

The only right of anything related to him, he had given it to one girl that had just pushed him to get away from him and irony? She wasn’t even aware of that right, that possession she held.

He starts walking towards the way he had seen Sara go all the while trying to calm himself down. He wanted to calm down in front of her, he didn’t want to see her flinch away, he didn’t want to see her scared of him. He hoped to God she wasn’t scared of him.

Years of creating the image, of putting enough fear in people and it all came down to that girl who could break it with just her words. Everything he had ever build, his respect, his pride, his control and him, the man he was, she could crush it with that single glance of fear of him.

He found her exactly where he thought she would be, sitting under the oak tree beside the parking lot. It was her spot, he had seen her come here often in last two years, maybe because the change of the color of leaves made her curious or maybe she found comfort in its cold shadow, he wasn’t sure.

Her back was facing him, he walked towards her slowly, careful not to run like he wanted to, without making a single sound and while reaching her, sat beside her while fighting the urge to pull her close. It was strong enough to start hurting his chest.

They sat there for seconds, maybe minutes or maybe hours, he didn’t know or care. He only cared about the fact that he could finally breath the same air, could actually feel her heat, could actually just move a little and touch her. Today seemed like a lost dream he dreamed of and even now, it seemed unreal.Exclusive content © by Nô(v)el/Dr/ama.Org.

“Why are you back?” Her soft voice broke the silence. Her eyes stared straight ahead but he looked at her face for the first time he sat down and he knew he shouldn’t have. It was too close, not enough but yet too close.

“I left few things behind.” His voice was rough from the control he was losing.

“Are you leaving again?” Her voice remains blank and he knew what she was doing.

“Yes.”

Silence. He knew she was good at it, silence was always her weapon and she knew how to use it, how to use it well especially against him. It was a habit which drove him crazy but then again, everything about her drove him crazy.

“How long are you staying?” She broke the silence again but he notices her voice, it was cold, empty, still.

“Till summer.”

“So the bullshit about home was just…. bullshit?” She asked and he noticed the slight fire dancing in her eyes but it was gone right away.

“Don’t curse O’Brian.” He warned, eyes narrowed at the beautiful girl beside him.

When she didn’t say anything he said, “I meant it, I am home.”

It was just hard to explain to her what his home actually was.

“You don’t leave home.”

“Who says I left?”

“You did.”

“Who says?”

“Drop the bullshit!” She snapped and finally looked at him and this time she didn’t hide the anger, the hurt, the pain and it almost killed him.

“Don’t curse O’Brian!” He couldn’t help but snap back.

“Stop telling me what to do!”

Her face was getting too close for him to think clearly.

“I will do what I damn well want with you.” His voice dangerously quiet.

“You have no right!”

“I have every right.”

“What I do in my business!”

“Things belonging to me are my business.”

“You don’t own me.”

“Says who?” His voice ringing with the silent message which she heard because she froze and her eyes died down the anger. He knew she heard the warning, the demand, the truth. It was the truth, has been since the first time he laid eyes on her. He was the first one to ever hold her when she was born, had demanded to hold her. Not her parents, not his parents but he, he held her, saw her as she opened her eyes to him, thinking she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen; she still was.

She was marked his.

Everyone knew that.

Except her.

The silence which followed as she stared at him was painful, he had managed to do everything he promised he will not even think about till few months but her being so close was making it hard for him to think. He could either snap at her or kiss her breathless.

“You left, Wood.” That was all she said, now quietly before she looked away from him and stared straight ahead with the same dead eyes.

“You won’t ask why?”

Please don’t ask why. He didn’t want to tell her.

“I would if I didn’t know you will be anything but honest.”

“I never lie to you.”

“Yeah, you just leave.”

Saying that, she rose up and without looking back, walked away.