Gold Digger

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“What the fudge is going on?” I said as Ollie strolled back over to me after ushering Hayley and the indomitable Mrs H out of the door. I was standing now, my fists clenched at my sides, adrenaline pulsing through me. How dare he promise Hayley things like that? How dare he lie to the police? We were in deep manure now because of him. I closed my eyes when they started to sting and swallowed down the sob that was threatening to work its way out of my throat. “Are you punishing me?” I whispered and saw his eyes flash when I focused back on him.

“Of course not, Lottie,” he snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. “I saved your arse just now. A thank you would be great.” He raised one eyebrow, and my hand tingled with the urge to slap his smug face.

“You lied to the police,” I said in a low voice, shaking with fury. “You made me lie to the police. You have no idea how tenuous our situation is.”

“No, I don’t,” he snapped back, uncrossing his arms as he stormed over to me, the smug expression giving way to an angry one. “Because you never fucking told me . You even made your sister hide when she came over here. What kind of monster do you think I am that you have to hide your little sister from me?”

I threw my hands up and took a step back, making his eyes flash again. “I was your employee. I relied on the money I earned here. You can’t just bring along a child to your place of work when she won’t go to school. I needed this job.”

“I never gave you any indication that I would be enough of a prick to send your sister away. Jesus Christ, Lottie, I thought you knew me better than that. I thought we meant something to each other. You lied to me. Over and over again, you lied.”

There was some hurt leaking into his tone now. Angry Ollie, I could handle but hurt Ollie… I backed away another couple of steps until I came up against the coffee table. My hand went up to my temple to push my hair back, and when I saw Ollie watch its progress, I realised it was shaking, so I lowered it to my side and fisted it again.

“I couldn’t risk it,” I said. “You don’t understand.”

“Explain it to me then!” he shouted, and I flinched at the loss of his normal control. “Fucking talk to me for once. I really liked you, Lottie, and you held everything important back from me. Then you left me. Don’t you think I would have given you that goddamn money myself if you’d asked me rather than take a payoff from my fucking mother and make me look like a goddamn idiot?”

“I didn’t mean to?—”

“Well, you did,” he snapped; his face was a mask of fury. “You threw us away for a measly fucking fifty grand. You confirmed everything my family suspected about grasping gold diggers. I thought we had something special, but you were never honest with me. You never even told me about your sister. So this whole shitshow today is your fault. If you’d been honest from the beginning, this would never have happened.”

Your fault.

Ollie’s words hit me with such force that I rocked back on my heels like he’d struck me. I’d been trying so desperately hard to hold everything together for Hayley for the last few months, but the stress and pressure just kept building and building, and now I’d taken my eye off the ball for a moment and the police were involved. They were going to file a report with social services, which would include actual lies. The chances of me losing Hayley to those fudging bastards who thought she was just putting on her selective mutism and that she needed a firmer hand were now much, much higher. And Ollie was right. It was my fault. A wave of nausea swept over me, and I realised that it wasn’t just my hands that were shaking now. My throat was tight, and my eyes started stinging as Ollie’s angry face blurred with the tears I was trying to hold back.

“Don’t you think I know that?” I said in a hoarse voice.

“Lottie, maybe we should—” Ollie’s voice was softer now, which somehow made everything worse. As his hand closed over mine, I felt something inside me snap, and I lost it.

“Don’t you think I know it’s my fault?” I screamed, ripping my hand away from his. “It’s all on me! It’s always all on me!” I was shouting now, shaking my head from side to side as the tears fell in rivers down my cheeks. “Because there’s no one else . There’s nobody to catch me when I fall. No family that gives one single shit about me. No safety net. And I can’t do it all. I’m not strong enough.” My words were broken through my sobs now.

“Lottie, baby, please let me hold you,” Ollie’s voice was still soft but now edged with real concern. He was right in front of me, but I was crying so hard that I couldn’t see the expression on his face. I skirted the coffee table and continued backing away from him with my hand up to ward him off, shaking my head from side to side in jerky movements. I couldn’t let him hold me up. I couldn’t lose control. I had to rely on myself. I’d relied on myself since I was ten years old.

“I’ve let her down again and again,” I continued in that awful, broken voice. “And she shouldn’t have to go through any more. Not after what she went through already. She needs specialist counselling. Do you know how long the waiting list is for that on the NHS?”

“Listen, Lottie, let’s just take a minute to—” he was sounding panicked now, probably regretting letting this crazy, ranting lady into his home.

“Nearly two years. Two years of Hayley not speaking to anyone but me. I had to get her help sooner. I had to take that money. I had to, I had to, I had to…” I was chanting that over and over again as Ollie made it clear that he’d finally had enough of me keeping my distance. Ignoring my hand, he walked right into it, bent down and simply picked me up, cradling me to his chest. I still couldn’t see properly through my tears, but I felt him stride across the room, and I was jostled as he sat down on the sofa with me in his lap.

I knew I should be stronger. I knew better than to show this type of weakness. But the feel of his strong arms around me, the deep, soothing quality of his voice as he said words of reassurance about how “everything was going to be okay now”, the sheer bulk of his large body cocooning mine, his glorious, clean, masculine scent – all of it combined to rip a huge tear in my self-control. So, I shoved my face in his throat and let the sobs work their way free finally, my arms clutching around his neck and my body pressing into his. “I had to,” I repeated into the warm skin of his neck.

“I know, baby,” he said as he stroked my back. “It’s okay now. I’m sorry I shouted – it was frustration and hurt pride. And, of course, I can be a dick if I’m not getting my own way, as you know.” My sobs were subsiding, and I nearly managed a small smile. Nearly. “You’ve been strong for a long time, Lottie,” his voice was achingly soft now. “It’s not your fault.” I shook my head at that as more tears flowed, no doubt soaking his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. “No, Lottie,” he said in a firm voice. “It’s not your fault. You did the best you could, and you were scared. Anyone would have done the same thing. But it’s enough now. Now you do have people that care about you. You’ve got that safety net, and so does Hayley.”

“I can’t let you?—”

“Baby, I’m sorry, but it’s gone way past you letting me do anything. As soon as you and your sister turned up at my house today, it was a done deal. You’ve both been dealt a shit hand, and life is going to be a fuck of a lot easier for you from now on. So, you didn’t lie to the police. You are moving in here.”

“W-what?” I pulled away from him to look up at his face, scrubbing the tears from my eyes so I could actually see him.

“You and Hayley will be moving in here.”

I blinked. “You c-can’t… I mean, we…”

“I can do whatever the fuck I want to do, Lottie.”

“But, your mother,” I whispered, biting my lip and bracing for his reaction. The woman had paid me a substantial sum to stay away from her son. I did not think me moving in with said son was really sticking to that agreement.

“I’ll deal with my mother,” Ollie snapped, that anger from before making his words hard.

“Ollie, I think we should talk about this,” I said slowly. When I tried to ease out of his arms, they only enclosed me tighter. I cleared my throat. “Maybe we should talk about this whilst I’m not being held on your lap?”

“No,” Ollie said firmly, and my eyebrows went up. His arms gave me a squeeze, and he planted a brief kiss on my lips. “You’re much more reasonable when you’re in my arms.”

“Ollie, I just had a total mental breakdown in your arms.”

“Yes, and it was the first time you’ve been really honest with me. Plus, I much prefer conversations with you like this.”

“You’re mad,” I whispered, and he smiled down at me before kissing me softly again. I was so emotionally drained and mentally exhausted that all my resistance melted away with the feel of his lips on mine, and I kissed him back. Yes, that’s right. My sister ran away and hid in this man’s house. I practically banged his door down to get to her. The police had invaded his home to question us, and now he was holding me in his arms, kissing me. He really was mad. But, then again, so was I.