Chasing His Muse

It had been four months since I had been here. They called it a Psychiatric Hospital, but it was more like a loony bin as Collin would say.

He never visited me, I didn’t have any more friends since I was with Collin. I didn’t even realize, that I had estranged myself from my friends since I was with him.

Day after day, it was all the same here. We would gather for a group session, and a private session with the psychiatrist couple of times a week. Then in between, there were several activities that we could join, there were painting, pottery, games like chess, cards, but I would usually sit in the corner and just read books.Property of Nô)(velDr(a)ma.Org.

It had been peaceful here, I was finding my rhythm. Until one day one of the attendants told me to try another activity. She wanted me to blend in, rather than reading a book and distant myself from others. She said It would help me socialize with others when it was deemed time for me to be back into the world.

But I didn’t want to be out. I liked it here. I didn’t have anybody else out there.

They put me in a painting class. They said, that a volunteer was teaching the class today, he was very talented and I should give it a try.

I entered the class grumbling, everybody was looking at me when I walked in. I just wanted to be left alone.

Fuck it! I was just going to sit, paint, then back to my reading nook.

Well then, why was this an all-women painting class?

But then I looked at the volunteer. He was a tattooed handsome goodness. With his manly hands stroking the canvas, and his back muscles stretching his shirt every time he paints upwards. No wonder. I arched my eyebrow at every woman there, smirking.

Well then, maybe I could paint a little, And see what the fuss was all about.

I sit my ass on an empty stool in front of an easel. Waiting for further instructions.

“Right, ladies we will continue where we left off a couple of days ago. And looks like we have a newcomer. I will be with you shortly. Please, everyone, continue as I will circle for viewing.” He explained to the class.

Such a deep voice. Sexy. Woah… why am I even thinking about it?

I was still waiting for him. But I decided, I needed to get away. This was not what I wanted. I didn’t need another male in my life. I was done. I just wanted to be left alone.

I used to be an independent strong-willed woman, I still didn’t understand what happened to me. I would stare outside for hours thinking about it. But then my thoughts got the best of me, as I retrieved back to my cocoon, feeling like my own worthless self.

I walked out of the class without even looking back. I was back on my reading nook, staring outside. Not even realizing that I shed a tear.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t catch your name. Are you okay? Why do you leave the class?” The tattooed handsome goodness asked.

“Nicolette. Not okay. Loony bin resident. I like reading better. This is my favorite nook.” I wiped my tear and held my book tightly to my chest.

“Well then Nicolette, why don’t you bring your book to the class. Just stick around. You don’t have to paint yet. Just that Laura, had already jot your name on the list. Come on.” He held out his tattooed covered arm at me.

I looked at it and decided not to take it but I followed him anyway. He smiled, pleased that I was following him.

Well then. I guess I just had to endure this handsome torment in front of me, for a while longer.

Laura looked at me from the far corner. I could see her smiling at me. I always liked her. She was the oldest and most senior attendant here. She was very kind to me. She knew my history with Collin. She was here when he gave the consent and signed all the paperwork here. She accidentally, overhead what Collin said to me that day.

“Goodbye, my dear wife. I shall never see you again. I will make sure all is taken care of, for your permanent stay here. I’ve got your parents’ money, to take care of the bill. And their house, for me to fuck other women in.” He whispered and kissed me on the temple, looking at Dr. Raynes showing off for appearance.

But Laura was watching and listening behind him, with a sad face as she saw me shed a tear for my life.

Since then she had been my rock. I would try a couple of times, to end my life here, feeling that I’ve had enough. His words sent me over the edge. Making me wanted to die. But she would hold me and rocked me to sleep. Unlike other attendants here, that would just give me shots, or even more pills to make me complied with their program.

I was looking at my blank canvas, when the tattooed handsome goodness took my book, and put it on the table beside me, and gave me a graphite pencil. He pointed to the plastic flower in a vase, in front of the class.

“Nicolette, why don’t you try and sketch the object?” He left me, to view others’ painting progress.

I gripped the pencil and started drawing frantically, fast long strokes with the precision ratio of length and width. God! I haven’t done this in three years, not since Collin.

Suddenly my vision became blurry. Then I threw the graphite pencil on the table, and quickly run to the third story window.

Fuck it! I wanted to die! I had enough of this. I was done. I gave up. Then I felt a strong pair of arms grabbed my waist and pulled me in.

Shit! I couldn’t even die! I was a failure even at trying to kill my self.

“Please! Please just let me die.” I cried hard and slumped down.

“Just let me go and end my life. Please just give me that.” I cried hard as the person kept on holding me tight.

Suddenly I saw Laura, and she rushed to my side and took me away from whoever I was clinging to.

“There child, I’m sorry I pushed you too far. It’s okay, you don’t have to draw anymore. Let’s get you to your favorite nook okay?” I kept on crying to Laura. But went with her to my nook.