Camera Shy (Lessons in Love Book 1)

I thought my costume was a little risqué, but in comparison to the women here, I look dressed for the presidential inauguration. There was one woman who was basically just wearing a tiny G-string and stickers over her nipples. I would’ve asked what her costume was, but she was a little busy with the security guard’s tongue shoved halfway down her throat.

Suspicions confirmed—Cass’s birthday party at this gentleman’s club is a giant orgy waiting to happen. The decorations are superior. Everything is dark with colorful strobe lighting. There’s confetti and glitter with giant balloons the size of my body. This party must’ve cost tens of thousands to decorate alone. I’m in shock—at the luxury…and the nakedness. But Finn looks unbothered like this is all business as usual.

I find it hard to believe one person has this many friends to invite to a birthday party. It’s quite apparent this event is more of a publicity stunt than anything. I’m assuming this room is filled with minor celebrities, big-name influencers, pro athletes, and trust-fund babies. But it’s not like I’d recognize anybody. I bet if Palmer were here, she’d be pointing out people left and right.

Although, nobody seems as infamous as Finn. From the moment he walked through the doors, he’s been getting attention like he’s walking the red carpet.

We entered together, my hand weaved firmly in his. He ushered me away from all the staring and leering and quickly led me to a VIP section, which is roped away from the mass mob of partygoers on the dance floor. Where clusters of people are packed at the bar, waiting half an hour for one beer, Finn, myself, a few of his friends, and Cass, the birthday girl, who only stayed at the table long enough to give Finn a quick hug, me a kiss on the cheek, and tell me she loved my costume. I didn’t even get to wish her a happy birthday she was moving so fast.

It’s clear as crystal that Finn has an entire other life that I’m not familiar with. Everyone knows him. Everyone knows his name. Everyone has been asking where the hell he’s been and where Nora is tonight. He ignores the question each time, just politely responds and introduces me, instead. But after the bullshit I pulled in the limo, the pretend girlfriend game is over. Finn has been introducing me as his date, but now there’s a wall between us for sure. I hurt him with my hesitance about moving.

I hurt myself with my hesitance. Fuck.

But can you blame me? I look around and see everything I’m not. I wanted to be outgoing and fun for Finn, but I am so damn uncomfortable right now. All I want to do is leave, go home, take off this ridiculous costume, and wipe off all this makeup. I want to get in sweatpants and cuddle with Finn on the couch. But the way Finn’s smiling and enjoying himself—does he want that? I just told him to be himself and not the version of himself he thinks he has to be for me, and now here I am, wondering if we’re compatible after all.

When I really think about it, Finn and I have nothing in common. He’s incredibly fit and works out daily. I consider making my bed, exercise. Finn can cook everything. I make cereal and dip. Finn dresses like a supermodel and the only thing I’ll ever buy designer is sweatpants. How long can you keep up a façade to be with someone before you can’t take it anymore? For Mason, it was four years…

I don’t think I’ll last half that long with Finn.

I don’t like it here. This club. The music is too loud. There are too many women openly flirting with the man who is clearly here with me. The strobe lights are giving me a headache and all these drinks are too fucking strong.

I am just not cool enough for Vegas.

I rise from my seat and lean down to whisper in Finn’s ear, “Hey, I’m going to run to the bathroom.”

“Okay,” he says, rising as well. “Let’s go. I’ll show you where it is.”

“No,” I insist. “Stay, I can find it.”

He grabs my wrist and holds me in place. “Avery,” Finn says warningly. “Not by yourself—”

“Finn,” I warn right back. “Don’t treat me like a child. I can go to the bathroom by myself.” Plus, I don’t need to pee. I need some space. I need to think. I need to be away from you and all this chaos for a moment.

His eyes are locked on mine and I know he’s having a mental debate between respecting me and protecting me. I run my fingers tenderly across his cheek to help ease his clenched jaw. “I’ll be right back, baby.”

It’s the baby part that makes him relax. He releases my wrist and kisses the back of my hand. “Please come right back.”

I assure him I will as I duck under the VIP rope, grateful for my flowy skirt that allows me to maneuver with ease. Heading to the bathroom first just for something to do, I retreat when I see the line to the ladies’ room wraps around the hallway. Geez. I settle for the packed bar instead, making sure I’m on the end, tucked away from Finn’s view.

And for a while, I’m okay. I nod along to the club beats and try to ignore my view of the VIP section where I can see woman after woman making their move on Finn. He smiles but turns them all away. I even see him firmly shake his head and hold up his palm when one of the strippers, dressed in confetti-themed lingerie, offers him a dance. It’s like watching vultures flock and even though he is a textbook gentleman, I still don’t like the jealousy that’s bubbling up in my chest. I compare myself to every single one of the women who are smaller and fitter than me, throwing themselves shamelessly at his feet.

This is what life as Finn’s girlfriend would be like. Watching from the shadows as everyone tries to take what’s mine.

“Water for the mermaid?”

The low voice next to me startles me from my thoughts. I whip my head to the right as the tingle of shock in my chest subsides. A blond man with a purposefully shaggy haircut that matches his scruff, slides a blue cocktail toward me. His eyes are green, like mine—but so much darker. Where mine are light, his are a deep emerald. Hm, pretty. He chuckles as he studies my perplexed expression.

Tapping his temple, he says, “I planned that better in my head.”

“What?”

He points to the drink. “I thought it’d be a cute way to break the ice. The drink—it’s called Mermaid Water. You’re dressed as a mermaid.” He laughs again as he covers his eyes. “I did not play that off well.”

I can’t help but return his smile. He looks as uncomfortable here as I am, so I immediately feel a friendly bond. “Hey now, it wasn’t bad after a little context.”

“Don’t lie.”

The song switches and it’s low enough that I can actually carry a conversation. “I’m just impressed you were able to get a drink.”

“Me too,” he says, widening his eyes at the bartender, who has his back turned. “Cass’s birthday is always ridiculous, but tonight I have to admit…it’s a shit show. Of course, that has nothing to do with the party.”

“Something wrong?” I ask.

“I just got into a big fight with my girlfriend,” he mutters. “I wish I were enough of an asshole to leave her here, but I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to her.”

He’s saying all the magic words for me to continue this conversation. He has a girlfriend. He’s not an asshole.

I point to the cocktail. “Can I pay you for this if I drink it? I don’t think my date will like it if I let another man buy me a drink.”

He smirks. “Yeah, Finn’s got a temper on him sometimes. But don’t worry, I didn’t technically buy this for you.” He holds up his arm and shows me a wristband. “It’s an open bar for those who paid the cover.”

“You’re friends with Finn?” I feel a little safer looking at the tempting blue cocktail, but at the same time, this is still a stranger in a bar.

“Uh, friends might be a stretch. He hates me. He snaked my girl, and yet I’m the one to blame.” The blond man lets out a huff of frustration before he extends his hand. When I offer him mine, he shakes it delicately. “I’m Morgan.”

“Avery.” I can’t help my curiosity. “What do you mean Finn snaked your girl?”

Morgan shrugs. “A few years ago, I fucked up. Bad. I got piss drunk with some buddies and woke up in some other girl’s bed. I know how that makes me sound.” He buries his head in his hands. “But I don’t even remember it. I just partied too hard that night.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah, I came clean to my girlfriend right away and she said she forgave me, but”—he throws his thumb down and vibrates his tongue off his bottom lip—“it was all downhill from there. We were never the same.”

“What does that have to do with Finn?”

“She started needing space. She stopped returning my calls right away. The text messages were few and far between. I’d only see her every other weekend. As far as I knew, we were a couple going through a tough time and I accepted the fact I’d be in the doghouse for a while, but then it came out that she was living with Finn. She was dating both of us for a while and neither of us knew.”

Oh my God. And this story suddenly makes sense. “Nora was your girlfriend?”

He nods. “Is my girlfriend.”

“Oh… So you guys eventually got back together and worked it out?”

Morgan snorts. “Depends on what you consider working it out.” He points to the drink. “I promise you that’s not poisoned.”

I take a small sip as a friendly gesture. It’s delicious, so I take a bigger sip. “Thank you. I’m a sucker for anything with blue curacao in it.”

“I have never known how to pronounce that. Thank you. Mystery solved.”

I laugh. “Who knows if I’m pronouncing it correctly? I could be leading you astray.”

“It sounds good your way. I’ll roll with it.” There’s a lull as the song changes again.

“Are you and Nora going to be okay?” I balance the martini glass in my hand and swivel the blue liquid, trying not to spill it. There’s a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Morgan beats the top of his fist against his forehead. “I don’t think so.”

“What were you fighting about?”

He exhales. “What we always fight about. Your date.” He turns to face me head-on. “Can I give you some advice?”

Uh-oh.

“From one person caught up in their messy love life to another?”

“Okay.”

“They are never going to be over. They are still in love with each other—”

“Finn’s not—”

“Av-er-y,” Morgan says, emphasizing every syllable of my name. “Trust me. This has been going on for years. And it’s my fault. If I hadn’t cheated, maybe they would’ve never met. Maybe they would’ve. I don’t know. I’m just saying, do what you want for now, just have your expectations in line. At the end of this story, those two will end up together. I think I’m finally starting to realize that.”

“I don’t think that—”

I don’t get to finish my thought because suddenly Morgan’s yanked backward from the bar. He looks as shocked as I am. The next thing I see is fire in Finn’s eyes as he steps between us.

I’ll admit, this doesn’t look good. I must’ve been gone for too long and I’m willing to bet if there was one man in this entire club he wouldn’t want me talking to, it’s Morgan. I have no idea how much of our conversation he heard, but I can literally feel his anger.

“Leave, Morgan,” Finn says. I can barely hear him over the banging music. But there’s a malice in his eyes that gives me chills. “Grab your girl and get the fuck out of my family’s club.”

Morgan ignores him and turns his attention to me. “See?” His smile grows cool and cocky and for the first time, I notice his eyes are bloodshot.

Is he drunk or high? Goddamn, he has a good poker face. I didn’t even notice he was inebriated. Our conversation was perfectly normal.

“No man gets that angry about a woman he doesn’t love. My mere presence pisses him off because they are still fucking. I promise you that.”

“I’m not going to warn you again. You’re drunk and you’re trying to stir up shit.” Finn glances at me and he half-smiles before turning a glare back to Morgan. “Leave her out of it. Leave me out of it. If Nora’s here, take her home. Now.”

“Fuck you, man. I’m a guest. And why are you so angry?” Morgan asks, his voice taunting.

I can’t figure out why he’s poking the bear. Even I can tell Finn’s one short step away from exploding. But now I’m wondering if he’s agitated at the idea of Morgan with me…or Morgan with Nora.

Morgan foolishly continues, “Whether I’m with Nora or not, it’s not going to stop you from fucking her behind my back like you’ve been doing for years.”

Thud.

It happens so quickly that I can hardly make sense of it. Finn’s fist meets Morgan’s face with such force that I can almost feel the impact standing two feet away. I let out an involuntary gasp before I cover my mouth. Morgan is on the ground, holding his cheekbone where Finn struck it. I fight the urge to squat down and help him up. It’s clear who my loyalty is to, but right now I’m staring at a Finn I don’t recognize. He looks like he’s standing over a man’s grave, getting ready to spit on it.

Within a moment, Morgan sits up.

“I dare you to get up,” Finn says with the most disdain I’ve ever heard from a human being before. Finn turns to me and cocks his head to the side. “Whatever story he’s spinning—”

I hold up my hands. “You don’t owe me explanations.”

“Let me,” Finn pleads. “Please.”

I shrug. “He didn’t say anything. Just that he accidentally cheated and then Nora drifted and fell in love with you.”

“Accidentally?” Finn lets out a cruel laugh. “Avery, this man cheated on Nora more times than he can count. He verbally abused her for years. He’s the reason she’s so fucking insecure and miserable that she’s going to sabotage every relationship she’s in for the rest of her life. He treated her like—”

“What?” Morgan croaks. “A stripper? It’s what she is.”

There’s a chill. Finn’s obviously triggered and I know the world has fallen away for him. All he sees is red, hot rage. I take a small step backward, nervous about what I’m about to see. “You know what? I changed my mind. Get the fuck up.” Finn cracks his knuckles. “I’ve been waiting years for this.”

“Finn, please walk away,” I say, but he doesn’t hear me. Instead, I feel a small, soft hand on my elbow pulling me away from the crowd that’s forming around Finn and Morgan.

Cass’s bouncy brunette curls are dancing behind her as she quickly leads me away from the bar. She’s dressed tonight as what I can only assume is a Victoria’s Secret model because all she’s wearing is lingerie and a see-through robe. I keep my eyes focused on the hem of her long robe, fighting the urge to just find the exit sign and flee.

This is not my arena.

I am not the girlfriend of a guy who gets into bar fights after being offered lap dances all night. The wildest thing Mason and I used to do was catch a Thursday night football game at a sports bar when they had two-for-one wings. I am not lingerie, strippers, and this much alcohol…

I’m not Vegas.

We bank left and Cass leads me into a room with a neon champagne flute sign hanging over it. Champagne room. Of course. How cliché.

“Take a seat, hon. You look like you’re about to be sick.” She shuts the door behind us and once the glaring music and shouts are muted, I feel so much more relaxed. “You didn’t want to see all that,” she says with a pitiful smile.

Cass grabs a seat in a bean bag chair in the corner of the room. She pulls a packet of candy from the cup of her bra. She opens it and offers me what looks like a gummy worm. “Something to take the edge off?”

I shake my head. “No, thank you.”

I have no clue if Legacy Resorts has a drug testing policy for their employees and contractors. It’s probably a non-issue, but a quick buzz just isn’t worth the stress and worry of the aftermath.

“That fight was a long time coming. I told Nora not to bring Morgan tonight. But he can’t bear the idea of Nora being within a ten-mile radius of Finn without him present.” She rolls her eyes dramatically as she pops the tip of the gummy worm in her mouth. “He’s such a little weasel. I don’t know what he said to you, but I guarantee you he saw you come in with Finn and was just trying to provoke you.”

“It’s fine.”

“What’d he say?” she asks, tilting her head to the side. She finishes off the candy and rubs her hands together. “Nora and I are close, so I can tell you the truth. It’s all bullshit if that puts your mind at ease. Finn and Nora are not sleeping together. He’s been singing your praises all night. He’s so into you. I love seeing Finn like this.”

“Like what?”

She puckers her bottom lip. “In love. You guys look so good together.” She taps her temples with her fingertips and extends her arms. “I’m already visualizing your wedding here.”

“I’m not getting married in a strip club,” I deadpan.

She snorts. “Oh, stop. This place is nice. It’s the most expensive gentleman’s club in Las Vegas. We could turn it into a celebrity bride’s dream wedding.”

“Happy Birthday, Cass,” I say as a diversion. “I’m sorry if I’ve caused any unnecessary drama tonight.”

She scoffs as she hoists herself from the beanbag chair and sits right next to me on the love seat. I squirm in place, wondering how many men have gotten erections in this very seat as a dancer worked them over. I’m not sure exactly what happens in a champagne room, but I’m going to pretend a hard-on is as far as it goes.

“You, hon, are the solution, not the problem.” She leans in a little closer and tucks my hair behind my ear…kind of similar to the way Finn does. I don’t want to be rude, so I don’t allow myself to flinch. She must take this as an invitation, so she scoots in a little closer, our knees bumping together. The smell of cherry and cotton candy kicks up between us, the mixture of her perfume and mine. Hm…not a terrible smell.

Cass has been nothing but nice to me all night, and despite the fact that she’s beautiful and has slept with Finn, there’s nothing threatening about this girl at all, so I let my guard down.

“Morgan said Finn and Nora aren’t done. He told me to watch my back.”

Cass’s chest rises dramatically and then she exhales. “That’s what narcissists do. They blame the world for their shortcomings. Look, I’ve been watching the Morgan, Nora, Finn love triangle unfold for a while now, and here’s the vicious cycle—Morgan treats Nora like shit, she runs to hero Finn, who makes her feel safe. But she’s not dealing with her hurt and trauma, so she takes out all her anger and wrath on the person who treats her best. Finn eventually gets fed up and leaves her. She runs back to Morgan. Morgan treats her like shit and then the cycle continues.”

“So Finn is really the good guy?”

Cass’s smile is warm and tender. She pats my knee. “Finn’s the best guy. But love will blind you. He couldn’t save Nora from Morgan and I think that bothers him. But this is the longest they’ve ever been broken up. And I know it’s for good because as soon as he really let her go, he was able to fall in love again.” She points to my forehead. “Lennox already told me you’re a good one.”This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

“Ah, yeah. She vetted me under the guise of free cinnamon rolls.”

Cass snorts in laughter. “Oh, I love Lenny. We both tried so hard to get Finn to see the light for so long with Nora. We were both relieved when he was finally done. Hey—I love this, by the way.” Cass cups her hand near my breasts, about an inch away, and makes a squeezing motion. She doesn’t actually touch me, but her message is clear.

Okay, I’m not imagining it. She’s absolutely hitting on me.

Wait…is she? Maybe I’m just being dramatic because I know she’s been with Nora and Finn at the same time.

“Your outfit, I mean. This clamshell bra is so cute. Can I borrow it?”

Cass is pretty well-endowed up top. Her waist is far slimmer and her hips are much narrower than mine, but I bet we could share a bra. “Sure. This is definitely a one-time outfit for me anyway.”

“So cute. I have one in blue, but this pink one is so much better. I can tell the sequins are hand-sewn too. Such a good find.”

“Lennox,” I clarify. “All the credit goes to Lennox.”

“I’m not surprised.” Cass smiles. “Lennox is a genius for all things fashion and design. She helped decorate my entire home.”

Okay, see? This is just girl talk, totally normal. You’re freaking out for nothing—

I freeze.

The sweet smell of cotton candy is overwhelming when Cass presses her lips against mine.

I’m immobilized and it takes her a millisecond to notice. She clasps her hand over her mouth.

“Oh my God. Are you not into me?”

“Uh…”

“I thought you were flirting back.” Her eyes grow wide. “I’m a little high right now. I’m sorry, I should’ve asked. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“No, no, um, you were sending clear signals. I could’ve spoken up.”

She presses her hands against her cheeks. “No, it’s my fault. I just assumed we were connecting—”

“Oh, I’m not—” A lesbian? “You’re pretty. I just—” Have never dreamed of being with a woman. “I’m here with Finn. I don’t know what he’d think.” I settle for a half-truth so I don’t seem too rude.

“Oh,” Cass replies, seemingly relieved by my explanation. She places her hand on my knee. “Don’t worry. Believe me, he prefers if we start without him.”

My heart sinks to my toes. He’s done this so much that he has a preference?

Cass tries to kiss me again and this time I lean back. “Cass, I’m sorry. I’ve never done this before. I’m…I don’t…”

“Wait.” Her jaw drops. “You and Finn don’t share? I thought you guys were…”

“We’re dating, sort of. I’m not…we don’t do that…”

“Oh fuck. Avery, I thought that’s why he brought you to my birthday party. We do this every year.”

If my eyes get any wider, they are going to pop out of the sockets. She covers her mouth when she sees my expression. “Shit. You didn’t know?”

There’s a lot I didn’t know until tonight. “So let me get this straight. Every year at your birthday party, you, Finn, and another woman have sex in the champagne room?”

She chuckles nervously as she shrugs her shoulders and cringes. “It’s a tradition?” Now she outright laughs. “Oh, I misjudged this so hard. Finn usually has a type, so I just assumed—”

“A type?”

“Oh, not looks-wise or anything like that. It’s just the girls he’s with are usually adventurous. But look, it makes total sense. Of course, after Nora, he’d want a simple, nice girl. I’m sure he’s more than content with the two of you. I did not mean to offend you.”

Content. There’s that fucking word again.

I’m on information overload and it’s not a good time for me to be making decisions. But I’ve already had one man leave me because I’m boring in the sack…

I grab Cass by her shoulders and pull her back to my lips a little too aggressively so our mouths collide but so do our noses. It’s a clumsy mess and I pull away before I hang my head in shame.

“Sorry, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Hey,” she says softly. “You shouldn’t feel pressured. You don’t have to do anything. Do you actually want to try this?”

I nod sheepishly, feeling out of my body. What the fuck are you doing, Avery?

Shut up, brain. I’m trying. I said this summer was about taking risks and exploring myself and my body. So that’s what I’m doing.

Cass rubs my back sweetly. “Well, first thing to remember is that the way you and Finn have sex is very different from this, okay? You save all the emotional connection for just you guys. This is just physical. So just do what feels good, okay? Safe space.”

She tucks my hair behind my ear again. “In my experience, this is a little easier the first time if you close your eyes.”

My heart is knocking hard, and I know it’s from excitement, but it’s not the right kind of excitement. The first time Finn stripped me down in front of the mirror, I was terrified, nervous, but so excited because what was on the other side was something I desperately wanted. I wanted to rip the Band-Aid off. I wanted to know what it’d be like for him to see me. I wanted to see me too and like what I saw in the mirror.

But this? This feels like getting a tattoo of something I’m not sure of. I’m going to endure the pain of the needle, and then the end result will mark me forever. What’s my motivation? I can’t give Finn what he wants. I can’t move here right now. Maybe in a year or so, when Palmer’s on her feet? But maybe this…

Maybe if I do this it can hold him over.

To want to keep me.

I clamp my eyes shut and blow out a deep breath. “Go ahead, I’m ready.”

Her lips interweave with mine. Okay, it’s not terrible. Actually, it’s nice. Her lips are soft. Her hand on my back is small and smooth. It’s exhilarating at least because the sensation is different. I kiss back and am alarmed at how natural this feels. I’ve never kissed another woman, but Cass seems to know what she’s doing. She waits until she feels me relax then slides her tongue into my mouth.

Again, soft…smooth…smaller than Finn’s. The kissing is okay, but I clam up when I think about where else she’s going to want to put her tongue.

Oh, shit. I don’t know if I can do this.

“Avery,” Cass says lowly but firmly as she grabs my left breast and gently squeezes. “No offense to Nora, but you are honestly the most delicious woman Finn has ever been with.”

Uh-oh. This woman is smart. She’s playing right into my praise kink. The flutter in my chest begins to change. Apprehension dips slightly toward excitement.

“You are such a fucking woman. I’m obsessed. And I’m really excited to be your first.” Cass switches to my right breast and slips her hand under the cup, finding my hard nipple. “Lie back, hon.”

It’s right as my head hits the sofa cushion that I hear the door creak open.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Oh no.

Finn’s tone can only be described as shock and anger.