CHAPTER 19
Ryan’s POV
We left the mansion without talking to Mother. She didn’t spare me a glance but was all smiles with Valerie.
I thought having Valerie talk to her on my behalf will make it easy for her to forgive me and that will make it easy to approach her.
I am desperate to talk to her and assure her that everything will be fine. I can’t do anything to help her if we can’t talk. We need to talk about how she feels and I need to convince her to continue the treatment.
She shouldn’t give up. She taught me how not to give up. Why would she give up on the treatment when she can keep it going?
What confuses me more is the fact that Father isn’t saying anything about it too. When I brought it up during dinner after Valerie and Mother left us, he ignored me.
Should I go and visit him tomorrow? I feel sad knowing that Anita, who has always been away from home, knows more than I do. She gave me a sign to keep shut but I can’t even comprehend what she meant by that.
Didn’t she say Father knew? If he knew, why is he acting nonchalant like he isn’t about to lose his wife? If he doesn’t know, why didn’t he act surprised when I talked about her and cancer?
What the hell is happening? Why the hell do I suddenly feel like an outcast?
Valerie’s laughter pulls me back to life. She is sitting right beside me in the car and there is a wide smile on her face which looks strange.
I don’t think I have ever seen her smile, have I? It is always something fake or a scowl or a wicked grin.
She shakes her head again and laughs, making me curious to know what is so funny that she is laughing this much.
Before I can say anything, she meets my gaze and smiles.
Instead of asking her what she and my Mother talked about and why she is laughing, I look away.
I gave her a simple job and she didn’t even do anything. If she did, then Mother would have asked to see me before we left. Valerie was even the one who suggested that we left.
This woman can never change.
“Won’t you ask me why I am amused?” She asks with another laughter which sounds different but sweet to the ears.
My mother is sick. She spoke to her and she is now laughing? What is all of this about? Is this a joke or something?
“What did you two talk about?” I growl out in irritation, wishing I can’t contain my curiosity and not ask.
“You don’t want to know”, she muses darkly, making me more impatient.
“Why bring it up when you weren’t planning on telling me, then?” There is a frown on my face as I say to her, watching her shake her head.
“Fine, I will tell you”, she signals to me to shut up with her hands. “She told me all about your childhood and how you fell in love with a girl with braces and…”
“What?! She told you that?!” I lean forward with urgency, my eyes widening and embarrassment creeping slowly to my face. Before she can answer, I dart my face away to hide my humiliation.
Shit! Why would Mother tell Valerie about that?
This woman is only going to use it to taunt me for life. What the hell is this for anyway? Is this all they talked about?
Valerie’s bubbling laughter is beginning to get me pissed. She is laughing loud and hard as if I said something funny but I feel she is doing this on purpose, just like always, to get me pissed and frustrated.
I clear my throat, swallow hard and sit straight up without looking at her.
“Don’t worry, darling. I won’t use it against you,” she snickers and I ignore her. “Or you want me to?”
“Don’t you dare!” I roar but she isn’t scared of me at all. All she does is burst into laughter again, throwing her head backward.
She continues to laugh until I force myself to recall the moment and I smile. It turns to a chuckle and I shake my head, feeling stupid to have allowed myself to fall for such a girl.
“See? You are laughing too”, she states, pointing her index finger to my face.
“I am not”, I deny and clear my throat again. This is really not the time to talk about my childhood. “What else did you and Mother talk about?” I ask her and her laughter dies off.
She seems serious all of a sudden and only gives me a sad smile.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.
“Did you try to persuade her to go on with the treatment?” I demand with a sudden eagerness.
Valerie nods without a word. “I did.”
“Then what happened? Did she agree to…”
“No”, she cuts me short. “She didn’t say anything and I have a feeling she isn’t going to let anyone persuade her.”
Shit! I curse inwardly, a cold shiver running down my spine in fear.
My fear. They want to manifest. I can’t bring myself to watch her go away. We should fight this. That will at least give me a ray of hope.
How will I look at her when I know deep inside that she might be gone in a second? How can I bring myself to be away from her when I know she might leave without forgiving me or seeing me?
Valerie’s comforting touch jerks me back to consciousness. She smiles at me again sadly and shakes her head. “Don’t force it.”
I want to yell at her to keep them shut because she doesn’t know anything.
“Don’t force her to go for the treatment. It has to be from the depth of her heart. If she wants to fight it, it should be willingly. Don’t force it. Let her do what she wants.”
“But she is going to die.”
“Everyone will, anyway.” She shrugs, my blank eyes watching her act as if she cares. This is my mother and she can’t love her as I do. I know what I am going to lose if that woman dies. She is all I have. My backbone.
Do I need to spell it out to everyone?
“It seems you don’t get it, if she goes for the treatment…”
“I know”, she interrupts me from going further. “This shouldn’t be your concern, Ryan. I know how much you love her and I know how much she loves you too. If you truly love her, then don’t force her to do what she doesn’t want to. Let her be.”
“Let her be? Can you even hear yourself out? I should let her die?”
“No. I just want you to make her happy, that’s all. I figured out that this is what she wants from you when we spoke tonight. If she is mad at you, she wouldn’t talk about you with so much love and laughter. She just wants you to be happy. If you are genuinely happy, she will be happy too.”
Her words hit a spot.
She talks like she knows everything about me and my mother as well as our bond.
Did Mother tell her everything in just a night? How much does she know? If Mother isn’t mad at me, then why isn’t she saying anything to me? Should I go back to the house to talk to her?
Valerie let go of my hand and I feel the absence. “You have to make that woman happy. I want her last moments to be the best. The earlier you accept the fact that she is dying, the better.”
Fear grips me at the statement.
Making her happy isn’t the problem. I am already doing that by getting married to the woman beside me. What I want to know is if there is something left to do to help her stay alive for as long as she can.
No one is saying anything to me. Everyone is acting like nothing is happening or changing.
If Mother leaves us, there will be a huge change in our lives. A big gap.
And a big hole in my heart.
“So let me make you happy”, she whispers into my ears and I bolt upright.
“What?!”
She nods with a smile. “I promise I won’t trouble you anymore if you will be a gentleman at least. Let’s keep up with the act and make her believe we are real. That way, she will be happy and she will die happy.”
I hate the last word. Die happy. My mother isn’t dying.
Before I can say anything, she grabs my arm and entwines her hand with it. “John, drive to Pyramids Club.”
“Club?” I turn to her, her face a few inches away from mine. “What is happening there?”
“Yes, ma’am”, John replies calmly.
Valerie face me squarely with a light smile on her face, her arms still entwined with mine. “We are going to a party.”
“What?!” I blurt out in disbelief.