Alpha Billionaire Series

MADII

We stood in the bathroom accessories aisle at the local home improvement store in the mall, staring at grab bars I could install in Drew's shower. Adam had encouraged us to make everything as adaptable as possible, that Drew would need help for the first several weeks, but later he would be back to normal. So, I wanted to find one that coulc be installed and taken out without leaving lasting marks on the walls or other parts of the house.

The choice shouldn't have been as difficult as I was making it, but I had so much going on inside my head it was difficult to focus. Lexi stood to my right; her arms hooked around my right arm in an awkward but comforting hug. Violet stood to my left, phone in hand texting someone while she loudly smacked her chewing gum. My head throbbed with a headache, and I just wanted to sit down.

“I still don’t see why you're the one doing this. If you all agreed that Drew should go to his parents’ house because you work and you can’t be with him round the clock, then why isn’t his mother doing this? Or his father?” Violet shoved her phone in her pocket and crossed her arms over her chest before smacking her gum again.

I sighed at the thought of having to explain for the tenth time that day why I was doing the shopping and not Alice o Henry. “I think we've been over this, Vi." They had an option for a balance pole with hand grips on it that was spring loaded, tensioning between the ceiling and floor. I crouched down to read the box, ignoring Violet's comment. “You're going to buy Drew a stripper pole?” Lexi snickered and I eyed her. She was covering a grin, which made me smile too.

“I don't honestly think this kind will work. I need something for him while he is in the shower in case, he loses his balance. This type would only be for getting in and out of the shower. The shower curtain would get in the way of hin using this for support once he's in.”

A bit frustrated by the lack of options this store had, I stood and rubbed my temples, willing the headache away. “Drew will be disappointed there is no stripper pole.” Lexi hooked her arm around mine again and grinned like an idiot. “And no stripper... You know he was such a thoughtful groom, turning down the idea of strippers for the bachelor party. Maybe you should get him one for his coming home.”

A feeling of remorse washed over me as yet another reminder of my past with Drew surfaced. The day had been full of them because Lexi had been a member of my wedding party, and we'd done lots of wedding shopping like this previous to Drew's accident. Violet hadn't made the day any easier either, constantly bringing up the fact that Gavin didn’t know what we were doing or how I was helping Drew settle in at home. I had, however, let him know that since Alice was retired, Drew would stay with his parents when he was right out of the hospital.

“Uh, I don't think Gavin would appreciate you talking about Drew and getting him strippers. I think—"

“Violet, please.” I turned to her, pushing my bottom lip out a bit. “This is difficult enough as it is.” I was tired. I didn't want to listen to her anymore. My heart couldn't take it.

“It's difficult because you know you should be with Gavin, and you aren't. You're taking care of a man whose heart you're going to break when you tell him you've been leading him on.” Violet nonchalantly pulled her phone from her pocket again and began replying to another text message. I couldn't believe she was being so forward with me, when she knew how difficult of a position, I was in.

“Hey...” Lexi pulled my attention away from Violet. She must have sensed me getting angry with her. She tugged me down the aisle to the end cap where they had swimming pools and gear lining the center aisle. “Look...” She picked up something and laughed. “We should buy one for Drew's homecoming and tell him to wear it when he bathes.” Turning the package around, she showed me the bright yellow goggles with matching snorkel. Pictures of bubbles and a girl swimming, wearing the snorkel, decorated the front of the packaging. It was a cheery picture of a happy activity, but it prickled my heart instantly. One minute I was in the store, searching for safety accessories, and the next I was deep below the surface of the Gulf of Mexico watching Drew helpless and dying.

I turned to reach for him, he was farther away than I thought. His arms were stretched out to his sides, his hands limp. I kicked my flippers to propel myself toward him. It was difficult to move as easily in the bulky scuba gear, but I managed. Drew's back was to me, and it appeared he was playing a joke on me. The little wisps of his hair not pinnec down by his scuba mask floated away from his head—rebellious arms reaching outward.

I laid my hand on his shoulder, expecting him to turn, but he didnt. So I tapped harder, pulling at his shoulder. The joke was not funny, and he was not responding. Maneuvering so I could position myself in front of him. I noticed his eyes were closed. If I could have spoken, I would have let him have a piece of my mind, and for a moment I was frustrated with him. But then I saw the way his lips had a blue hue to them where the regulator puffed them out.Content protected by Nôv/el(D)rama.Org.

I felt a jolt of pain in my chest as adrenaline released. Both hands on his shoulders, I shook him hard, not wanting tc believe what I was seeing. Frantic, I spun around, hoping to see our scuba instructor nearby, but the group was too far away now. Cloudy water separated us at a distance far enough they'd never see my panic.

“Yoo hoo!” Lexi was snapping her fingers in front of my face, and I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. “Are you okay?”

Sudden panic gripped me. My eyes darted around the room and seeing that I was not there in the water watching Drew drowning, I freaked out. The flashback was more real than anything I'd ever witnessed. I felt like I was going to be ill. So, I turned and ran, leaving the girls behind. I raced out of the home improvement store into the main concourse of the mall and into the crowd of people streaming past.

Weaving in and out of the mob, I sobbed, tears blinding me. An elderly woman took the brunt of my panic when I bumped into her, sending her ice cream cone skittering across the ground. She was shocked but not hurt, and I didn’ stop to see if she was okay. My hurried run-walk only grew more intense until I was winded, and I found myself at the exit at the end of one of the concourses.

There was a small café there, with tables and chairs arranged in front of the store front. I collapsed onto one, using napkins from the dispenser situated in the center of the table to wipe my face. The cold, green steel was less than comfortable, but my legs wouldn't carry me any farther. I took deep breaths to try to calm myself, but the crying wouldn't stop.

When I had finally caught my breath and blown my nose, I folded my arms on the table and laid my head down on them. Lexi and Violet would find me soon enough, and I'd have to answer for my ridiculous outburst, but at this poin my emotions had hit critical mass. If I didn't figure out what to do soon, I was going to lose my mind. The war between what was right and what I wanted was raging in my heart. I knew that I had to do the right thing, but I felt angry that what I wanted didn’t appear to be the right thing.

“Oh gosh, we found you.” Lexi sat down across from me, shaking the table as she grabbed my hand. I saw her shoes and recognized her voice. I also saw Violet's shoes from my vantage point, and despite the fact that my running away had nothing to do with anything she said, I felt like she was going to rub it in my face anyway.

I felt a hand on my back and knew it was Violet's, so I was surprised it hadn't come with a tongue lashing. Violet was too much like my mother to not have at least thought of something hurtful to say to me at this moment. I was grateful she hadn't opened her mouth.

No one said anything until I sat up and dried my tears. Lexi’s frown, and her comforting hand on mine helped, but didn’t remove the confusion or frustration I felt—not to mention the strong emotion from being triggered. I had deal with nightmares and bad dreams for months following the event, but nothing so strong as what I had just experienced.

“It's okay, we're here.” The calming voice was not my best friend; it was my sister. Violet sat down next to Lexi and placed her hand on top of Lexi’s on top of mine. “Talk to us.”

My lip quivered. Violet looked like she had been crying too. Her makeup was smudged, and her nose was rosy. She squeezed our hands together and gave me a forced smile. Lexi joined her in the tight hand squeeze.

“What happened?” Lexi pulled a tissue from her pocket and handed it to me. I welcomed it, as it was much softer than the brown paper napkins I had been using. After drying my eyes, I blew my nose and stuffed the used tissue in my own pocket. A group of noisy teenagers walked by, and I wanted for them to clear out before opening my mouth. “I just had this strange flashback of being under the water. I think it was the snorkel or something. It was like I was there again, with him, while he was drowning.” I blinked my eyes rapidly trying to keep the tears at bay. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I wanted to be okay now.

“Oh, sis.” Violet pulled out another napkin and pushed it into my hand, and I sat back in the chair. “Listen, you need to talk to someone.”

It was the same rhetoric I'd heard for months. A therapist, a doctor, anyone—I needed help. But what I needed was not some talking head to listen to me spout out my story. What I needed was someone to make decisions for me tha I could be happy living with.

I shook my head firmly. “No, I'm fine really. All of this went away early on. I think it was the snorkel Lexi was joking about and just the pressure of taking care of Drew so much. I'm on edge. I'm not happy. I feel so messed up.” Dabbin at my eyes so I didn't make my skin raw, I tried to smile but Lexi saw through it.

“What is making you feel messed up?” She searched her pockets, I assumed for another tissue, but only looked frustrated with empty pockets.

“I don't know. They say follow your heart, but what if your heart can’t decide what it wants, or what is right?” I shrugged. It was the first time I'd actually vocalized my thoughts, and suddenly I didn’t care what was right. I wanted what I wanted. It was like that night when Gavin came for dinner, and we never ate. I knew I needed him. But what about Drew?

Violet squinted her eyes and leaned her head sideways. “What do you mean, what you want, or what is right?” “Drew is in this place because of me—"

“Madii—"

I held my hand up to silence them both as they tried to protest and cut me off. “No.” I shook my head. “I'm not listening to you two say it's not my fault. I know I am the one who convinced him to go scuba diving. So he is in this place because of me. It is only right for me to make sure he is okay. You know?”

“No, I don't know.” Lexi furrowed her brow. “Are you saying you're taking care of Drew because you feel guilty about his accident? That you'd stay with him and lead him on to make him think everything was okay, then leave him once he was recovered?”

“No, no...” I covered my face, ashamed for even hearing her say that. The thought had crossed my mind, but I had quickly tossed it out. Drew deserved better.

“If I know my sister, she is not thinking that.” Violet sighed loudly. “She's saying she would rather just stay with Drew because it is her duty now, and even if what she wants—and it clearly is what she wants—is to stay with Gavin, she would sacrifice her own happiness, just to make sure Drew didn't suffer anymore.”

Lexi pulled my hands down from my face and stared into my eyes, her expression of pain and confusion tugging at my heart.

“l want to go home, guys.” I stood and turned toward the door, knowing they would follow.

“Madison, you need to talk to Gavin. Or I will.” Ignoring Violet's comment, I kept walking. They had no right to judge me or make the decision for me. If only I could make the decision for myself.